


left on read ✓

by lancemclain



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, F/M, Gay Shiro, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Group chat, Lesbian Allura, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Hunk, Plot What Plot, Texting, aro-ace pidge, bi lance, demisexual gay keith, i cant tag for shit, its v slow burn for klance bc they're Dumb, so many old memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-19 13:17:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 52,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11314194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lancemclain/pseuds/lancemclain
Summary: (bi)tter:allura i love you marry me right nowlesbean:you know if i wasn't so gay(bi)tter:[white girl voice] all the hot ones are gayedgelord™:why thank you lance(bi)tter:shut up, my chemical romance(OR, once upon a time lance created a group chat and things didn't exactly go as planned)





	1. stuDYING™

**Author's Note:**

> i was bored, okay?  
> also i really like texting fics so i'mma bandwagon, i don't think there will be any normal chapters but who knows  
> this gets deep at times but i hope you'll like it !!  
> feedback is always appreciated, aliens  
> \+ the mistakes are usually intended bc they're Losers who can't type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[9:28pm] (bi)tter:** and to answer any of your questions: no his milkshake didn't bring any boys to my yard and i want a refund
> 
>  **[9:28pm] edgelord™:** this wasn't your milkshake, the boys would be mine
> 
>  **[9:29pm] baymax:** Maybe the boys are not back in town yet.
> 
>  **[9:29pm] (bi)tter:** maybe they prefer to crack open a cold one
> 
>  **[9:30pm] edgelord™:** in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they're Not gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura

**(bi)tter has created a group chat**  
**(bi)tter added: baymax, annoyance, edgelord™ and RoboCop**  
**(bi)tter has changed the name to: stuDYING™**

 **[9:15pm] (bi)tter:** hello naughty children its discourse time

 **[9:16pm] annoyance:** don't you mean disTRESS

 **[9:16pm] baymax:** Lance, you were supposed to study.

 **[9:17pm] **edgelord™:****  why the fuck am i here

 **[9:17pm]** **edgelord™:** who the fuck let lance come up with our names

 **[9:17pm] (bi)tter:** this is biphobic

 **[9:18pm] RoboCop:** keith lAnguage

 **[9:18pm] RoboCop:** but really lance what's with the names

 **[9:19pm] (bi)tter:** ahh see im glad u asked

 **[9:19pm] annoyance:** oh no

 **[9:20pm] (bi)tter:** i think my name is pretty obvious, pidge is annoyance because it's a gender neutral term of endearment, hunk is baymax because he too is big and lovable  and my favorite person ever

 **[9:20pm] baymax:** THIS IS SO SWEET

 **[9:21pm] annoyance:** gross also "annoyance" isn't a term of endearment this is slander

 **[9:22pm] (bi)tter:** SHUT UP PIDGE AND LET ME LOVE YOU

 **[9:22pm] (bi)tter:** shiro is RoboCop because. um. hello the robotic arm I LOVE !!

 **[9:23pm] edgelord™:** you just like it when he takes it off and throws at matt

 **[9:23pm] (bi)tter:** YES !!

 **[9:23pm] edgelord™:** or you

 **[9:24pm] (bi)tter:** EVEN BETTER !! HIT ME HARD DADDY

 **[9:24pm] annoyance:** daddy long legs

 **[9:25pm] RoboCop:** lance you started off so sweet don't ruin it

 **[9:25pm] baymax:** Too late.

 **[9:27pm] (bi)tter:** AND keith is edgelord™ because he rolled up in my dorm this morning in sunglasses holding a strawberry milkshake and talking about Death and Dying

 **[9:27pm] RoboCop:** he did WHAT

 **[9:27pm] annoyance:** but its winter

 **[9:28pm] (bi)tter:** and to answer any of your questions: no his milkshake didn't bring any boys to my yard and i want a refund

 **[9:28pm] edgelord™:** this wasn't your milkshake, the boys would be mine

 **[9:29pm] baymax:** Maybe the boys are not back in town yet.

 **[9:29pm] (bi)tter:** maybe they prefer to crack open a cold one

 **[9:30pm] edgelord™:** in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they're Not gay

 **[9:31pm] (bi)tter:** IM HIGHFIVING YOU

**_annoyance_ left.  
_baymax_ added  _annoyance._**

**[9:33pm] baymax:** Pidge, don't leave.

 **[9:33pm] annoyance:** there's a certain amount of memes per one conversation i can take and you just walked through the line

 **[9:34pm] RoboCop:** i agree

 **[9:34pm] RoboCop:** also i have an important meeting now so stop blowing up my notifications

 **[9:35pm] annoyance:** meeting with who

 **[9:35pm] (bi)tter:** his destiny

 **[9:35pm] edgelord™:** he's in the bathroom

 **[9:35pm] (bi)tter:** DSAKDKNSDF WHU WOULD YOU EXPOSE HIM LIKE THAT

 **[9:36pm] RoboCop:** i don't have a brother anymore

 **[9:36pm] edgelord™:** sounds familiar, hope i don't wake up in the halfway house again

 **[9:36pm] annoyance:** did you just

 **[9:37pm] baymax:** KEITH FSKFSDKJFSJK

 **[9:37pm] (bi)tter:** i aspire to be this level of Savage

 **[9:37pm] RoboCop:** THIS ISN'T EVEN FUNNY, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE

 **[9:40pm] annoyance:** lance why didn't you add allura or coran

 **[9:41pm] (bi)tter:** allura didn't accept yet and coran, my man, as smart as he is he can't figure out text messages for shit

 **[9:41pm] (bi)tter:** we're workin on it tho

 **[9:42pm] edgelord™:** wait so we could not accept? i want out

 **[9:42pm] annoyance:** don't be a dick

 **[9:43pm] (bi)tter:** well they say you are what you eat

 **[9:43pm] RoboCop:** LANCE THIS IS MY BROTHER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT DON'T BE DISGUSTING

 **[9:44pm] edgelord™:** lance we're not talking about you right now get your head out of your ass

 **[9:44pm] (bi)tter:** oh i see how it is, when keith says stupid shit he's not your brother but when  _i_ say stupid shit  _about_ keith you get offended

 **[9:45pm] (bi)tter:** also keith, don't expose me. i said it's a one time thing with you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **[9:46pm] baymax:** I'VE HEARD KLANCE AND I'M HERE

 **[9:46pm] annoyance:** mmmMmMmMMMmmmMMm i have this screenshots bitcc

 _**lesbean** _ **joined the conversation.**

 **[9:47pm] lesbean:** I'VE HEARD KLANCE AND I'M HERE

 **[9:47pm] lesbean:** also i'm loving my @ thanks lance

 **[9:48pm] edgelord™:** WHAT THE WHAT THE HELL I LEAVE FOR 2 MINUTES AND PEOPLE TALK ABOUT WHY LANCE WHAT'S A KLANCE

 **[9:50pm] (bi)tter:** NO ONE TELL HIM

 **[9:51pm] RoboCop:** I'VE HEARD KLANCE

 **[9:51pm] edgelord™:** SHUT UP SHIRO

 **[9:52pm] annoyance:** MATT SAYS HE HEARD KLANCE

* * *

_**edgelord™** _ **requested a private chat with you.**

 **[9:54pm] (bi)tter:** what the FUCK is up my dude

 **[9:54pm] (bi)tter:** why we whisperin

 **[9:55pm] edgelord™:** what's a klance

 **[9:56pm] (bi)tter:** you'll have to pry this information from my cold dead hands

 **[9:56pm] edgelord™:** lance tell me

 **[9:59pm] edgelord™:** LANCE YOU CARGO PILOT

 **[10:13pm] (bi)tter:** read 10:13pm ✓

 **[10:13pm] edgelord™:** did you just

* * *

**stuDYING™**

**[10:15pm] (bi)tter:** excuse me but why is matt invested in my life more than my mamá im Offended

 **[10:16pm] annoyance:** because for once he's not sucking shiro's dick

 **[10:16pm] baymax:** BOOM

 **[10:16pm] lesbean:** BOOM

 **[10:17pm] RoboCop:** LIES

 **[10:18pm] edgelord™:** I NEED DETAILS

 **[10:19pm] annoyance:** GROSS KEITH

 **[10:20pm] (bi)tter:** me: i sucked keith's dick / shiro: I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT / pidge: matt sucked shiro's dick / keith: I NEED DETAILS

 **[10:21pm] lesbean:** brothers from another mothers

 **[10:22pm] annoyance:** but how is it, lance. did you give the succ or 

 **[10:23pm] RoboCop:** pidge you're too young to talk about those stuff, it didn't work out with lance and keith, don't disappoint me too

 **[10:24pm] (bi)tter:** as if my pretty mouth would go anywhere near keith's

 **[10:25pm] RoboCop:** LANCE

 **[10:25pm] (bi)tter:** keith in general, chill dad

 **[10:26pm] edgelord™:** as if i'd let you get close enough to even breath at me you asshole

 **[10:27pm] annoyance:** damn keith and lance back at it again with the insults

 **[10:27pm] lesbean:** damn pidge back at it again with the old memes

 **[10:28pm] annoyance:** im Offended

 **[10:28pm] (bi)tter:** allura i love you marry me right now

 **[10:28pm] lesbean:** you know if i wasn't so gay

 **[10:28pm] (bi)tter:** [white girl voice] all the hot ones are gay

 **[10:29pm] edgelord™:** why thank you lance

 **[10:29pm] (bi)tter:** shut up, my chemical romance

 **[10:30pm] lesbean:** ahh young love

 **[10:30pm] lesbean:** ANYWAYS im going to sleep, goodnite boyz

 **[10:31pm] (bi)tter:** GOODNIGHT PRINCESS

 **[10:32pm] edgelord™:** night

 **[10:33pm] (bi)tter:** are we the only ones left

 **[10:34pm] edgelord™:** no rest for the wicked

 **[10:34pm] (bi)tter:** can you BE any more emo?

 **[10:36pm] edgelord™:** well since you asked

 **[10:40pm] RoboCop:** SLEEP, BOTH OF YOU

 **[10:41pm] (bi)tter:** first of all, rude

* * *

_**>  edgelord™** _

**[10:45pm] bilance:** whenever i experience any kind of stress i immediately think about Dying and im like woah okay Edgelord

 **[10:46pm] kogayne:** how do you even come up with those names

 **[10:46pm] kogayne:** also same

 **[10:47pm] kogayne:** me, whenever a small inconvenience happens in my life: i think it's because i'm gay

 **[10:48pm] bilance:** MOOD

 **[10:49pm] bilance:** so. [mrs shirogane voice] you been checking out any boys lately?

 **[10:50pm] kogayne:** oh my god she would NEVER

 **[10:50pm] kogayne:** we're not talking about this

 **[10:51pm] bilance:** okay i get it, we're not There yet

 **[10:51pm] bilance:** but since you asked

 **[10:52pm] kogayne:** i didn't 

 **[10:54pm] bilance:** i've met a cute girl nyma and she's soooo pretty

 **[10:55pm] kogayne:** i don't believe you, literally every girl is pretty for you

 **[10:56pm] bilance:** no you mistaken me for allura bUt girls are so soft and i don't mean Soft just their skin is so nice ??? i aspire to be like them

 **[10:57pm] kogayne:** is this going somewhere

 **[11:00pm] bilance:** no it's just i, your local bi, praising Girls

 **[11:02pm] kogayne:** right so do you need me to answer or can i just leave you to it?

 **[11:03pm] bilance:** i get the feeling you don't wanna talk about it

 **[11:05pm] kogayne:** me? a Gay? a Homosexual? nooooo

 **[11:07pm] bilance:** you're gay, not blind you heathen

 **[11:09pm] kogayne:** well that's true

 **[11:10pm] kogayne:** so, nyma?

 **[11:12pm] bilance:** AHH yes

* * *

_**edgelord™** _ **requested a private chat with _annoyance._**

 **[11:32pm] edgelord™:** who's nyma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this wasnt too boring  
> the updates will probably depend on your reactions  
> 


	2. whitepassing russian MOC of color #reverseracism™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[09:28pm] (bi)tter:** THEY WEREN'T IN LOVE THAT WAS A BROTP YOU HEATHEN
> 
>  **[09:29pm] annoyance:** _this_ is golden
> 
>  **[09:30pm] edgelord™:** shut up lance it's not my fault they didn't hype moana as much as frozen
> 
>  **[09:31pm] (bi)tter:** moana, a movie with people of color and a realistic portrayal of a girl's body vs frozen, a movie with a merry bunch of whites and between these two frozen got more hyped? qwhite interesting
> 
> (or, the squad has some strong feelings about moana, keith has no idea what's going on and shiro is Not here for This)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura
> 
> (thank you so much for the kind comments under chapter 1, this means the world to me !!!)  
> (also pidge in this chapter is me because i, too, am White and i just needed a chapter like that)

_**edgelord™ > annoyance** _

**[11:32pm] edgelord™:** who's nyma

 **[06:49am] annoyance:** why would you ask us, a narnia blog, this

 **[06:50am] annoyance:** lmao it's a girl lance had met on this weird frat party few weeks ago, why?

 **[06:50am] annoyance:** are you jealous? are you...... Gay?

 **[06:51am] edgelord™:** *pretends to be shocked* me? gay? what's that, a cult?

 **[06:51am] edgelord™:** also im not jealous but last night lance wouldn't shut up about her and i just wanna know if she's bad news because he's not a reliable source

 **[06:52am] annoyance:** tell me about it

 **[06:52am] annoyance:** also do you guys have a private chat? WIG

 **[06:52am] edgelord™:** SHUT UP PIDGE

 **[06:53am] annoyance:**  okay wait

 _**annoyance** _ **added _baymax._**

 **[06:55am] baymax:** What's that?

 **[06:55am] annoyance:** A HAT

 **[06:55am] annoyance:** god dammit matt

 **[06:56am] edgelord™:** what are you, eminem?

 **[06:56am] edgelord™:** white people

 **[06:57am] annoyance:** SO WHAT ARE YOU

 **[06:58am] edgelord™:** a whitepassing russian MOC of color hashtag reverse racism

 **[06:59am] baymax:** I'm sorry but I'm sending a screenshot to Lance because  _damn_ Keith Kogane can be funny.

 **[06:59am] annoyance:** EHAT THE FUCK MOC OF COLOR

 **[07:00am] edgelord™:** no but really, i'm half-korean soo

 **[07:01am] baymax:** Guys, I need to wake up Lance and get ready for classes, so did you add me here for anything or-

 **[07:01am] annoyance:** oh yeah, nyma. what do you think of her?

 **[07:02am] baymax:** She seems... nice?

 **[07:02am] edgelord™:** oh no

 **[07:03am] annoyance:** nice enough for lance to date ??

 **[07:03am] baymax:** No one is nice enough for Lance to date, don't ask me that ever again.

 **[07:04am] annoyance:** hunk u precious little thing does lance appreciate you enough?

 **[07:05am] baymax:** Well, I mean-

**[07:05am] baymax has sent a photo**

_**[ moana:**  hi i woke up and i love you_

**_moana:_ ** _just popping in to say that i love you and you're going to do great on this exam, as pidge would say ACE IT BIG GUY_

 **_moana:_ ** _i saw you earlier as i was ignoring my teacher and looking out the window, you look good 11/10_

 **_moana:_ ** _allura just said there are no better friends than dogs and like i agree but ,, you exist and aHHhHHH im so lucky_

 **_moana:_ ** _HUNK THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN OUR UNIVERSE **]**_

 **[07:06am] baymax:** He sent me the last one at 3am and never elaborated.....

 **[07:07am] edgelord™:** why do you have him saved as moana

 **[07:07am] annoyance:** WHAT THE HELL LANCE WHY ISNT HE THIS SOFT WITH ME ?!?!!!?!?!

 **[07:08am] baymax:** Keith, because he saved me as Maui. Pidge, because you laugh at him whenever he's soft.

 **[07:08am] annoyance:** ahh yes im a... how do you say... a Bitch

 **[07:09am] edgelord™:** wait weren't they in love?

 **[07:09am] baymax:** Ew, Keith, Moana was like 14?

 **[07:10am] edgelord™:** well Excuse Me i've never really watched it

 **[07:10am] annoyance:** how are you even friends with lance then

 **[07:10am] baymax:** WHAT

 **[07:11am] edgelord™:** anyways so nyma isnt good for lance and did you tell him that?

 **[07:12am] annoyance:** Smooth

 **[07:14am] baymax:** Of course not, it's his life and Lance can take care of himself. I'm sure he'll figure it out soon enough.

 **[07:14am] baymax:** But Moana, Keith.

 **[07:15am] edgelord™:** bye

* * *

  **stuDYING™**

 **[08:58pm] annoyance:** hi can i say something

 **[08:59pm] RoboCop:** of course p

 **[09:00pm] baymax:** Yeah.

 **[09:00pm] lesbean:** speak up child

 **[09:01pm] (bi)tter:** well it depends really is it gonna be about beyonce and the twins because if no then what's the point

 **[09:01pm] edgelord™:** no one cares lance

 **[09:02pm] (bi)tter:** you say that now but when they're born and dropping mixtapes you'll wanna stan

 **[09:03pm] annoyance:** OKAY SO

 **[09:04pm] annoyance:** i've talked to keith today and it hit me that i'm like. really White

 **[09:05pm] (bi)tter:** "a whitepassing russian MOC of color hashtag reverse racism" keith kogane 2017

 **[09:05pm] edgelord™:** HUNK YOU'VE SENT IT?

 **[09:06pm] lesbean:** MOC OF COLOR

 **[09:06pm] RoboCop:** KEIH WHO ARE YOU

 **[09:07pm] (bi)tter:** i want to marry that quote like tbh keith hit me up with that white people humor i didn't know you could do That

 **[09:07pm] lesbean:** will i ever get over MOC of color? um no?

 **[09:08pm] RoboCop:** can we listen to pidge tho

 **[09:09pm] baymax:** Oh yeah, continue.

 **[09:12pm] annoyance:** and so my ass is the only white ass in this group of friends so i just want you all to know that calling me out is okay, i mean i'm trying my best to educate myself and not say stupid shit but i'm white so i  _will_ say stupid shit anyway and it's not for me to decide what is or isn't racist. same goes for your sexualities, alright? if i'm being biphobic/homophobic/panphobic just fucking punch me with a chair or something because i didn't mean it but i'm still learning

 **[09:14pm] baymax:** That's totally fine! We're all young (and you're even younger than us, P) and we still learn stuff and if we only own up to the stupid shit we say then everything's cool!

 **[09:15pm] RoboCop:** yeah, honestly pidge im like the oldest one here and i only really know that im gay and i know the basic sexualities but all of this is still like really new to me? i mean, you're the first non-binary person i know!! so i will probably fuck up and end up offending one of you so then just. call me out too

 **[09:17pm] (bi)tter:** pidge you may be the only White ass but you're also the only non-binary & asexual ass here so you know more about that than all of us. we're friends and we won't like lynch you for saying the wrong thing because we all know you don't mean it, like you're probably the smartest person of us all ,, honestly we're all so different (literally ?? different ages, skin colors, sexualities, pronouns) someone's bound to say something wrong but we're here to educate each other, not to insult someone when they clearly didn't mean it

 **[09:18pm] (bi)tter:** i mean if i'll ever be, for example, transphobic i want you to call me out. i want you to sing me out john cena theme style. i want you to fucking fight me for that

 **[09:18pm] (bi)tter:** like don't stay quiet just bc i'm your friend or one day i'mma say that to the wrong person since no one corrected me the first time i said it and i'll think thats okay and they will fucking deck me

 **[09:18pm] lesbean:** lance calm down

 **[09:19pm] RoboCop:** this is like your longest message in this gc?

 **[09:19pm] baymax:** Lance, I love you.

 **[09:20pm] edgelord™:** "sing me out john cena theme style" what the fuck lance

 **[09:21pm] annoyance:** this is..... way too supportive like lock that shit down lance what the hell

 **[09:22pm] edgelord™:** long story short, "educate me, don't belittle me"

 **[09:22pm] RoboCop:**!!!

 _**(bi)tter** _ **has changed the name of the group to _"whitepassing russian MOC of color #reverseracism"._**

 **[09:24pm] RoboCop:** way to ruin the moment, mcclain

 **[09:24pm] annoyance:** lance i hate you

 **[09:25pm] edgelord™:** ENOUGH WITH THIS SLANDER

 **[09:25pm] (bi)tter:** I COULDNT HELP MYSELG THIS IS GOLDEN

 **[09:26pm] lesbean:** I LOVE THIS GC

 **[09:27pm] baymax:** Lance, Keith had never watched Moana and he thinks she and Maui were in love.

 **[09:27pm] edgelord™:** HUNK

 **[09:28pm] (bi)tter:** EHAT ARE TOU KIDDING ME

 **[09:28pm] (bi)tter:** THEY WEREN'T IN LOVE THAT WAS A BROTP YOU HEATHEN

 **[09:29pm] annoyance:** _this_ is golden

 **[09:30pm] edgelord™:** shut up lance it's not my fault they didn't hype moana as much as frozen

 **[09:31pm] (bi)tter:** moana, a movie with people of color and a realistic portrayal of a girl's body vs frozen, a movie with a merry bunch of whites and between these two frozen got more hyped? qwhite interesting

 **[09:32pm] baymax:**!!!

 **[09:32pm] lesbean:** sad but true

 **[09:33pm] RoboCop:** i'm not getting into an argument over a movie for kids

 **[09:35pm] (bi)tter:** keith i'm gonna be at your dorm in 5 and we're watching moana

 **[09:35pm] edgelord™:** but it's 9pm

 **[09:36pm] (bi)tter:** did i ask

 **[09:36pm] edgelord™:** but lance we have school tomorrow

 **[09:37pm] (bi)tter:** read 09:37 ✓

 **[09:37pm] lesbean:** salty™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter, i swear the next ones will be longer but i hope you liked it anyway, feedback is appreciated  
> 


	3. moana enthusiasts™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[11:31pm] annoyance:** keith finally snapped and killed lance, i'm taking bets. $15 for keith
> 
>  **[11:32pm] RoboCop:** are you really going to bet on this? KEITH YOU'LL GO TO JAIL
> 
>  **[11:32pm] baymax:** $15 for Keith.
> 
>  **[11:33pm] annoyance:** WHAT
> 
>  **[11:33pm] baymax:** I love Lance but I'm being practical. 
> 
> (or, keith is watching moana for the first time, lance wants to fight him)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter & moana - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax & maui - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura

_**(bi)tter** _ **has changed the name of the group to: _"moana enthusiasts™"._**

 **[10:18pm] edgelord™:** we're only 20 minutes in and he's already crying

 **[10:19pm] edgelord™:** hi its lance, keith is full of shit im not crfdbgdkfjgsf

 **[10:20pm] edgelord™:** anyway ,,

 **[10:32pm] edgelord™:** oh shit the grandma died what

 **[10:33pm] edgelord™:** old people always die in movies smh

 **[10:45pm] baymax:** Are you enjoying the movie?

 **[10:59pm] edgelord™:** YOU'RE WELCOME

 **[11:00pm] baymax:** I'll take it as a yes.

 **[11:03pm] (bi)tter:** HE SAID HE WANTS TO HAVE HAIR LIKE MAUI

 **[11:04pm] (bi)tter:** I'VE CREATED A MONSTER

 **[11:04pm] RoboCop:** you're ruining my brother

 **[11:06pm] edgelord™:** what's with the singing

 **[11:07pm] edgelord™:** so much singing

 **[11:09pm] edgelord™:** and now lance is singing

 **[11:09pm] edgelord™:** is this what hell sounds like

 **[11:10pm] lesbean:** you should hear him sing in spanish ahh

 **[11:11pm] edgelord™:**??

 **[11:12pm] annoyance:** oh yeah, lance singing in spanish is something

 **[11:13pm] edgelord™:** pidge ??

 **[11:14pm] (bi)tter:** did...... did pidge just... say something......... Nice to me?

 **[11:14pm] (bi)tter:** HOLY SHIT NOW IM GONNA SING DESPACITO 24/7

 **[11:15pm] annoyance:** NO I TAKE THAT BACK

 **[11:15pm] edgelord™:** what's the big deal?

 **[11:16pm]** **lesbean:** let's just say if i wasn't SO gay

 **[11:17pm] annoyance:** and since keith already _is_ gay

 **[11:19pm] (bi)tter:** okay shut up and let us watch because keith's missing the best parts

 **[11:20pm] annoyance:** or what

 **[11:20pm] (bi)tter:** we gonna fight

 **[11:21pm] annoyance:** MEET ME IN THE PIT

 **[11:23pm] (bi)tter:** [hades' voice] persephone that's not what tartarus is for !!!

 **[11:23pm] lesbean:** I LOVE MY WIFE

 **[11:24pm] (bi)tter:** I KNODFGFDH

 **[11:24pm] baymax:** Are you okay?

 **[11:30pm] baymax:** Lance?

 **[11:30pm] annoyance:** macklemore fucking killed him before he could finish writing this

 **[11:31pm] lesbean:** CAN YOU STOP WITH THE OLD MEMES PIDGE FSDKSKBJBJGS

 **[11:31pm] annoyance:** keith finally snapped and killed lance, i'm taking bets. $15 for keith

 **[11:32pm] RoboCop:** are you really going to bet on this? KEITH YOU'LL GO TO JAIL

 **[11:32pm] baymax:** $15 for Keith.

 **[11:33pm] annoyance:** WHAT

 **[11:33pm] baymax:** I love Lance but I'm being practical. 

 **[11:34pm] lesbean:** $50 for lance

 **[11:34pm] RoboCop:** really allura

 **[11:35pm] lesbean:** what can i say, lance's make up skills are worth it

 **[11:35pm] annoyance:** fair enough, matt says he's giving $20 for lance

 **[11:36pm] RoboCop:** MATT

 **[11:37pm] RoboCop:** ehh, $20 for keith

* * *

**edgelord™ > annoyance**

**[12:18am] edgelord™:** pidge

 **[12:18am] edgelord™:** he sang in spanish

 **[12:19am] annoyance:** oh boy

* * *

**moana enthusiasts™**

**[12:20am] (bi)tter:** keith took my phone

 **[12:20am] (bi)tter:** ALSO HUNK ???? this is biphobia

 **[12:21am] (bi)tter:** suddenly i only know allura and matt

 **[12:22am] edgelord™:** i think they're all asleep

 **[12:23am] edgelord™:** also remember how you said that you're gonna say something wrong and someone will deck you? well i'm that person, i would deck you and that's why they bet against you

 **[12:24am] (bi)tter:** oh yeah? put your money where your mouth is

 **[12:24am] edgelord™:** are you serious

 **[12:25am] (bi)tter:** no, i'm lance

 **[12:25am] edgelord™:** CHOKE

 **[12:26am] (bi)tter:** no but i'm for real, i'm pretty sure i can take you, mullet

 **[12:26am] annoyance:** suddenly i'm awake

 **[12:27am] edgelord™:** lance i'm not going to fight you because you will not look pretty after that

 **[12:27am] annoyance:** seems to me like someone's scared

 **[12:28am] edgelord™:** pidge

 **[12:28am] annoyance:** what can i say, i live for angst

 **[12:29am] (bi)tter:** keith, you literally hit me yesterday with shiro's arm

 **[12:30am] edgelord™:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 **[12:30am] (bi)tter:** you aimed at me and screamed it's for asgard

 **[12:31am] edgelord™:**..........

 **[12:31am] edgelord™:** fair enough

 **[12:32am] edgelord™:** but i'm not going to fight you for real, pidge you know he wouldn't win

 **[12:33am] annoyance:** maybe in a knife fight but with fists? his arms are longer than yours

 **[12:34am] (bi)tter:** KNIFE FIGHT KEITH IS THERE SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW

 **[12:34am] edgelord™:** well that one time in juvie-

 **[12:34am] edgelord™:** there's no time for that right now, the point is we're not fighting

 **[12:35am] (bi)tter:** why not? you don't even like me and i'm finally giving you the chance to punch me

 **[12:39am] (bi)tter:** KEITH

 **[12:46am] (bi)tter:** fine, but sooo you think i'm pretty?

 **[12:46am] edgelord™:** excuse me what

 **[12:47am] annoyance:** allura is gonna be so mad that she slept through this

 **[12:48am] (bi)tter:** you said i won't look pretty after. so does that mean i look pretty now?

 **[12:49am] edgelord™:** read 12:49 ✓

 **[12:50am] annoyance:** fsdknfdsbgj

 **[12:51am] (bi)tter:** um ,, Rude

* * *

**kogayne > bilance**

**[01:12am] bilance:** did you enjoy the movie?

 **[01:13am] kogayne:** it was way better than frozen that's for sure

 **[01:13am] bilance:** i count this as a win

 **[01:14am] bilance:** anyways, i've had a really good time, we should do this again sometime. you can pick a movie :-)

 **[01:14am] kogayne:** you got yourself a deal, boy

 **[01:15am] bilance:** do you think we spend less time together than we do with our other friends?

 **[01:15am] kogayne:** i mean, i guess? but you know pidge, hunk and allura longer than me so it's probably that

 **[01:16am] kogayne:** also we usually fight when we actually see each other so maybe that's better

 **[01:24am] kogayne:** lance?

 **[01:25am] bilance:** yeah, you're probably right. maybe that's better.

 **[01:26am] bilance:** so, knife fight?

 **[01:26am] kogayne:** goodnight lance

* * *

**messages with: _MAUI_**

**[01:29am] moana:** WHY DOES HE HATE ME SO MUCH, WHAT HAVE I DONE

 **[01:36am] maui:** The first time you saw him you yelled "the 80s called, they want their haircut back".

 **[01:36am] moana:** fair enough

 **[01:37am] moana:** go back to sleep bb

 **[01:39am] maui:** You too. Goodnight Lance. <3

 **[01:40am] moana:** goodnite the brightest star in our universe !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the responses so far were so so nice, thank you all so much !!!  
> i hope it's still interesting for you but it's just really "how many memes can i fit into one fic" kind of thing. also there's gonna be more klance from now on, i think. there's really not much plot in this fic, just so you know  
> anyways, kudos and comments are appreciated !!  
> 


	4. coran defense squad™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[06:03pm] RoboCop:** wait, you guys do realize that me and matt aren't dating, right?
> 
>  **[06:05pm] (bi)tter:** WHAT
> 
>  **[06:05pm] edgelord™:** bullshit
> 
>  **[06:06pm] lesbean:** I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP
> 
>  **[06:06pm] baymax:** Okay, I feel lied to. 
> 
> (or, they talk about kinks, keith is uncomfortable, matt and shiro have some things to work out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura
> 
> [to make things clear: keith, hunk and lance are 19, pidge is 16, matt and shiro are both 25 and allura is 23 because i wanted her to be closer to the boys with her age, just let me be]  
> [also it's 4:30am as im posting this so there might be mistakes, i will probably read it over tomorrow, sorry]

**group _"moana enthusiasts™"_ has been deleted.**  
**_baymax_ created a group chat.**  
**_baymax_ added  _(bi)ttter, lesbean, annoyance, edgelord™_ and  _RoboCop_ to the group chat.**

**[05:49pm] lesbean:** wait, who deleted the other chat?

 **[05:50pm] annoyance:** keith, who wanna bet

 **[05:50pm] **edgelord™:**** you would lose, LOSER it wasn't me

 **[05:51pm] (bi)tter:** okay so..........

 **[05:51pm] lesbean:** lance

 **[05:52pm] edgelord™:** lance

 **[05:52pm] annoyance:** lance

 **[05:52pm] RoboCop:** lance

 **[05:53pm] baymax:** Let him explain. 

 **[05:53pm] (bi)tter:** thank you hunk. i was trying to show coran how this works and i gave him my phone so he could text you guys and he accidentally deleted the chat

 **[05:54pm] lesbean:** CORAN

 **[05:54pm] (bi)tter:** DON'T YELL AT HIM HE'S FRAGILE

 _**(bi)tter** _ **changed the name of the group to _"coran defense squad™"_**

 **[05:56pm] RoboCop:** okay, so the lesson didn't work? 

 **[05:56pm] (bi)tter:** unfortunately not but we're getting there, coran's really smart

 **[05:57pm] edgelord™:** is daddy kink your thing?

 **[05:57pm] RoboCop:** KEITH

 **[05:58pm] (bi)tter:** no, my kink is choking

 **[05:58pm] (bi)tter:** choke me until i turn blue and then keep going choke me to death yes

 **[05:59pm] edgelord™:** i.... was not expecting that

 **[06:00pm] baymax:** Lance, are you okay?

 **[06:00pm] (bi)tter:** yeah just tired

 **[06:01pm] lesbean:** let's talk about our kinks

 **[06:01pm] RoboCop:** why why would we do that

 **[06:02pm] lesbean:** because we're friends and friends bond over things like that

 **[06:02pm] (bi)tter:** i'm in, shiro you go first

 **[06:02pm] RoboCop:** why me?

 **[06:03pm] annoyance:** because we're thrilled to know what stuff my brother is into

 **[06:03pm] RoboCop:** wait, you guys do realize that me and matt aren't dating, right?

 **[06:05pm] (bi)tter:** WHAT

 **[06:05pm] edgelord™:** bullshit

 **[06:06pm] lesbean:** I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP

 **[06:06pm] baymax:** Okay, I feel lied to. 

 **[06:07pm] RoboCop:** I NEVER SAID WE WERE DATING

 **[06:07pm] annoyance:** yeah but you act like you've been married for 38 years ???

 **[06:07pm] annoyance:** AND MATT SAID YOU'RE HIS BOYFRIEND I'VE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY OWN BLOOD

 **[06:08pm] RoboCop:** HE DID?

 **[06:08pm] edgelord™:** this is so embarrassing, i don't know a shiro

 **[06:08pm] (bi)tter:** fsdjkgnskjdg

* * *

**shiro > matt**

**[06:09pm] shiro:** are we dating?

 **[06:10pm] matt:** are you

 **[06:11pm] matt:** are you asking me this after 3 months of going out?

 **[06:11pm] shiro:** that's what we did?

 **[06:12pm] matt:** SHIRO FSNGJSG

 **[06:12pm] matt:** you know, for someone so smart you're so stupid sometimes

 **[06:13pm] shiro:** well you never asked me and yeah, i'm kind of bad at those things

 **[06:13pm] matt:** oh my god, shiro do you want to be my boyfriend or not?

 **[06:14pm] shiro:** why are you asking me this over the phone?

 **[06:14pm] matt:** I WILL KICK YOUR ASS TAKASHI

 **[06:15pm] shiro:** okay okay, yeah i want to be your boyfriend. that would be nice

 **[06:16pm] matt:** well i sure as hell hope it will be. come over?

 **[06:16pm] shiro:** i'll be there in 20 :-)

* * *

**coran defense squad™**

**[06:19pm] RoboCop:** update: me and matt are dating

 **[06:19pm] baymax:** YAY

 **[06:20pm] edgelord™:** i cant believe this

 **[06:20pm] annoyance:** our brothers are idiots

 **[06:21pm] (bi)tter:** IM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY PARENTS

 **[06:21pm] RoboCop:** what does this have to do with anything, lance?

 **[06:21pm] lesbean:** he's talking about you and matt

 **[06:22pm] RoboCop:** LANCE EW

 **[06:23pm] lesbean:** can we get back to the topic? my kink is when people fucking listen to me, alright?

 **[06:23pm] (bi)tter:** yes queen i always listen !!

 **[06:24pm] lesbean:** see? this is why he's my favorite

 **[06:24pm] edgelord™:** this is homophobia

 **[06:25pm] lesbean:** i'm gay

 **[06:25pm] edgelord™:** AND ???

 **[06:26pm] lesbean:** fuck off boyyyyy ,,, anyway, my kink is when girls........ do anything

 **[06:26pm] (bi)tter:** ME

 **[06:27pm] edgelord™:** i'm really into this choking thing

 **[06:27pm] RoboCop:** EXCUSE ME?

 **[06:28pm] (bi)tter:** shut up shiro, let the man talk

 **[06:28pm] edgelord™:** yeah i wouldn't mind choking lance

 **[06:29pm] annoyance:** i knew it

 **[06:30pm] (bi)tter:** mmMMMMMmmMMm choke me daddy

 **[06:30pm] edgelord™:** shut the hell up

 **[06:31pm] (bi)tter:** or what? will you punish me?

 **[06:31pm] lesbean:** LANCE I LOVE YOU

 **[06:31pm] baymax:** Pidge, turn off your phone, this is not for kids.

 **[06:32pm] annoyance:** bite me hunk !!!

 **[06:33pm] edgelord™:** i want to be excluded from this conversation

 **[06:33pm] (bi)tter:** you're no fun

 **[06:34pm] RoboCop:** ok i'm gonna watch a movie with matt. be good, bye 

 **[06:34pm] annoyance:** YOU BE GOOD, I'M IN ANOTHER ROOM SO DON'T BE NASTY

 **[06:35pm] (bi)tter:** practice safe sex !!!

 **[06:35pm] edgelord™:** he's 25, i think he practiced safe sex enough

 **[06:36pm] (bi)tter:** so what, you suggest Dangerous Sex?

 **[06:36pm] baymax:** Go big, or go home.

 _**RoboCop** _ **left.**

 **[06:37pm] lesbean:** he's so innocent

 **[06:38pm] (bi)tter:** so is that what you're into, keith? you take them on a ride on your motorbike to show them how dangerous you are?

 **[06:38pm] edgelord™:** why are we still talking about this?

 **[06:39pm] (bi)tter:** BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS

 **[06:39pm] annoyance:** yeah keith, you never talk about yourself and we want Details

 **[06:40pm] edgelord™:** no, it's called blackmail material

 **[06:40pm] annoyance:** that too

 **[06:40pm] lesbean:** but really keith, just tell us

 **[06:41pm] lesbean:** i don't expect you guys to say anything serious, y'know? like you're kids so just like ,, tell me what you think you'd like or smth like that. i just wanna know things about you all. i want keith to open up a bit because we are friends, KEITH KOGANE WE ARE YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. and we can start so it'll be easier for keith.

 **[06:42pm] (bi)tter:** yeah, i have a thing for necks like snapping them in half

 **[06:42pm] baymax:** LANCE

 **[06:43pm] (bi)tter:** too much? okie dokie, but i really like neck kisses

 **[06:43pm] lesbean:** i like when they pull my hair or just play with it tbh

 **[06:44pm] edgelord™:** im uncomfortable...........

 **[06:44pm] (bi)tter:** don't be such a prude, only pidge is allowed to excuse themselves from this conversation because they're asexual & 16

 **[06:45pm] annoyance:** my kink is when people don't fucking touch my equipment

 **[06:45pm] baymax:** You tell'em. I have a praise kink, I guess. I'm not really sure, I mean I haven't done this yet so what can I say.

 **[06:46pm] edgelord™:** what's a praise kink?

 **[06:46pm] (bi)tter:** it's when you like that people praise you during sex but i guess it doesn't have to be only sexual ?? like when your partner just appreciates you ???

 **[06:47pm] edgelord™:** so you need someone's approval?

 **[06:47pm] lesbean:** it's nice to know if you're doing good and if your partner feels good tho

 **[06:48pm] (bi)tter:** exactly, i need appreciation 24/7

 **[06:48pm] edgelord™:** well anyways, i don't have any kinks

 **[06:49pm] annoyance:** LIES

 **[06:49pm] edgelord™:** i'm serious, i've never had a chance to find out if i'm into any of those stuff, okay? i don't have experience and i can't just figure it out like hunk

 **[06:50pm] baymax:** Oh, that's fine, Keith! We're just talking, it's nothing serious, you know?

 **[06:50pm] lesbean:** yeah just don't worry about it, i was your age during my first time :D

 **[06:51pm] edgelord™:** i feel like it's embarrassing, not only the fact that i haven't done this but also the fact that i'm telling you this

 **[06:51pm] baymax:** Keith, don't think about it like that. We're just 19, there's time for everything. We didn't want to make you uncomfortable, we just sometimes talk about stuff like that.

 **[06:52pm] annoyance:** sex is overrated anyway

 **[06:52pm] (bi)tter:** listen to pidge, dude

 **[06:53pm] edgelord™:** yeah, thanks

 **[06:53pm] (bi)tter:** so now that we showed our support........

 **[06:54pm] baymax:** Lance, no.

 **[06:54pm] (bi)tter:** LIKE A VIRGIN TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME

 _**edgelord™** _ **left.  
_(bi)tter_ added  _edgelord™._**

 **[06:56pm] baymax:** Lance, we've talked about appropriate time. That was not it.

 **[06:56pm] (bi)tter:** i'm sorry, i couldn't help myself. but don't worry keith, i've only had sex 2 times and it was awful

 **[06:57pm] annoyance:** well you sure talk a lot about it

 **[06:57pm] (bi)tter:** yeah but you know me ??? i'm all talk ?? and no real action ??

 **[06:58pm] annoyance:** and you wanted to fight keith

 **[06:58pm] lesbean:** WHAT?

 **[06:59pm] baymax:** WHY?

 **[07:00pm] (bi)tter:** and i would destroy him

 **[07:00pm] annoyance:** yes allura you slept through some good klangst

 **[07:01pm] lesbean:** dammit i'm never sleeping again

 **[07:01pm] edgelord™:** klangst?

 **[07:02pm] (bi)tter:** PIDGE SHUT UP

* * *

**lancelot > pidgeon**

**[07:03pm] lancelot:** do you want keith to hate me even more?

 **[07:03pm] pidgeon:** he doesn't hate you, drama queen

 **[07:04pm] lancelot:** um, do you want me to pull out the receipts?

 **[07:04pm] pidgeon:** no i really don't

 **[07:06pm] lancelot:** 1) when we met i insulted his haircut and he tripped me and i fell into the garbage can

 **[07:08pm] lancelot:** 2) when we fucked up in the simulator keith laughed the loudest (i remember because the fact that he actually can laugh scared me to death)

 **[07:09pm] lancelot:** 3) that one time i took a boy to the cafe keith works at, he spilled my coffee on my date and i know for a fact he did it on purpose bc he's a really good waiter

 **[07:09pm] pidgeon:** and you think he did it because he doesn't like you?

 **[07:10pm] lancelot:** yeah ??? 4) two weeks ago during our training, we were sparring and i pinned him to the floor. he got so mad he pushed me hard enough to make me fly across the gym and then he asked for another partner

 **[07:11pm] pidgeon:** lance that's not why

 **[07:11pm] lancelot:** HE HATES ME

 **[07:12pm] pidgeon:** and if so then what do you care? you're not nice to him either

 **[07:12pm] lancelot:** im like tinkerbell, i need attention or i die and i hate when someone hates me, okay? especially when that person is friends with all my friends

 **[07:13pm] pidgeon:** keith doesn't hate you, idiot. he wouldn't talk to you if he did, believe me. that dude can hold a grudge

 **[07:13pm] lancelot:** tell me about it, last friday we walked to our dorms and he saw some guy getting out of the car and keith asked me to help him slash the tires in that car ??? did you know he carries knifes in his backpack? that was the most badass thing i've ever done

 **[07:15pm] pidgeon:** holy shit who was that guy?

 **[07:15pm] lancelot:** keith only said it's a juvie thing. boy do i want to know everything about those two moths he was there, i need to ask shiro

 **[07:16pm] pidgeon:** yeah but look at you two !! being partners in crime and stuff

 **[07:16pm] lancelot:** really?

 **[07:17pm] pidgeon:** yes lance, you don't ask just anyone to slash tries with you, that's something

 **[07:17pm] lancelot:** shit you're right

 **[07:18pm] pidgeon:** and the fact that you helped him is..... impressive?? why did you help him, lance?

 **[07:20pm] lancelot:** well that car was pretty big and i didn't know how much time keith has, i couldn't just leave him so i helped

 **[07:20pm] pidgeon:** so you literally broke the law because keith asked?

 **[07:21pm] lancelot:** oh don't be dramatic, i would do that if you asked too

 **[07:22pm] pidgeon:** that's not what i

 **[07:22pm] pidgeon:** you're just an amazingly good friend 's all

 **[07:23pm] lancelot:** why thank you, finally someone besides hunk noticed

 **[07:24pm] pidgeon:** speaking of, did you tell hunk this story?

 **[07:24pm] lancelot:** no and you won't either

 **[07:25pm] lancelot:** BLOOD OATH PIDGE

 **[07:25pm] pidgeon:** jesus chill, i won't tell. hunk would kill keith.

 **[07:26pm] lancelot:** okok, hunk wants to do the homework with me so he makes me turn off the phone

 **[07:26pm] pidgeon:** A Good Guy

 **[07:27pm] lancelot:** I KNOW, bye pidge !!!!

 **[07:29pm] pidgeon:** later, loser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for the amazing feedback, you honestly make writing this so much more fun !!  
> kudos and comments are appreciated !!  
> 


	5. can't pray away the gay™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[08:21PM] kogayne:** lance, we're bonding and you're ruining it
> 
>  **[08:22PM] bilance:** fuck off pink floyd
> 
>  **[08:22PM] bilance:** let me do your makeup
> 
>  **[08:23PM] kogayne:** listen lady gaga ,,
> 
> (or, lance has a bad day and the squad tries to cheer him up + a lot of pining keith)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura

_**(bi)tter** _ **changed the name of the group to _"can't pray away the gay™"._**

 **[02:12PM] edgelord™:** he keeps doing this

 **[02:13PM] (bi)tter:** you're just jealous because my sense of humor is Golden™

 **[02:13PM] edgelord™:** oh yeah dick jokes ahh peak humor

 **[02:14PM] (bi)tter:** okay, enough with this slander

 **[02:14PM] edgelord™:** or what? will you punish me?

 **[02:14PM] RoboCop:** KEIRH

 **[02:15PM] (bi)tter:** WHAT KIND OF ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IS THAT

 **[02:15PM] edgelord™:** see, the timing is important

 **[02:16PM] lesbean:** guys i don't want to interrupt but-

 **[02:16PM] lesbean:** I'VE MET A GIRL

 **[02:16PM] (bi)tter:** I'VE HEARD GAY AND I'M HERE

 **[02:17PM] annoyance:** i see that the name of this gc is accurate

 **[02:17PM] (bi)tter:** HA SUCK IT KEITH

 **[02:18PM] edgelord™:** fite me

 **[02:19PM] lesbean:** SHE'S SO SMALL AND PRETTY

 **[02:19PM] (bi)tter:** OJMY GOD PICTURES ??

 **[02:20PM] edgelord™:** i swear to god that child has an attention span of a mosquito

 **[02:20PM] baymax:** It's insulting to mosquitos, Keith.

 **[02:21PM] (bi)tter:** see i hear you but i dont give a shit, linkin park

 **[02:21PM] edgelord™:** listen britney spears ,,

 **[02:22PM] lesbean:** _[image attached]_

 **[02:22PM] (bi)tter:**  IOLYG FUCKNG SHIT

 **[02:23PM] RoboCop:** GOOD FOR YOU ALLURA

 **[02:23PM] baymax:** Oh my God, she's perfect.

 **[02:23PM] annoyance:** oh wow okay i'm queer i'm here

 **[02:25PM] (bi)tter:** WHAT A FUCKING POWER COUPLE YOU TWO, WHAT'S HER NAME

 **[02:25PM] (bi)tter:** keith you heathen remember our talk about girls? can you just ,, not be quiet?

 **[02:26PM] edgelord™:** ahh girls, yes i've heard of them

 **[02:26PM] annoyance:** you're so gay

 **[02:27PM] edgelord™:** she's pretty i guess ?? i mean, i don't know what you guys think a girl needs to be considered pretty because like ??? i don't usually look at people and think "ugly", okay

 **[02:27PM] edgelord™:** wait i just thought of trump i take that back

 **[02:28PM] (bi)tter:** keith sweetie, my new eyeshadow palette is pretty. that girl is fuCKING GORGEOUS

 **[02:28PM] lesbean:** her name is selene, she's 22 and she studies art !!!!

 **[02:29PM] baymax:** Well, her name really fits her because of the white hair. It makes me think of the moon.

 **[02:30PM] lesbean:** I KNOW

 **[02:30PM] (bi)tter:** what a dream girl, where did u meet her?

 **[02:32PM] lesbean:** she came to the shelter because she wanted to get a cat, she came out with a cat and my number ;)

 **[02:32PM] RoboCop:** smooth

 **[02:33PM] (bi)tter:** WHAT THE HELL QUEEN TEACH ME YOUR WAYS

 **[02:34PM] lesbean:** real talk: she's so nice and interesting and pretty and intelligent and i'm like 98% sure i want to spend the rest of my life with her

 **[02:35PM] annoyance:** this sounds so nice, i'm happy for you!!

 **[02:35PM] baymax:** Lance is just... screaming into his pillow.

* * *

**lesbean > (bi)tter**

**[02:39PM] lesbean:** so what's that about new eyeshadow palette i'm hearing?

 **[02:42PM] (bi)tter:** ohh i wanted to try something new and can i come over whenever you have time? i think i might need your help

 **[02:43PM] lesbean:** of course you can, sweetheart!! i'm sure you're gonna rock every single color

 **[02:43PM] (bi)tter:** i don't know, maybe i'll just give them to you

 **[02:44PM] lesbean:** lance, babe, are you okay?

 **[02:44PM] (bi)tter:** yeah it's just nyma said something and i'm thinking about it

 **[02:45PM] lesbean:** what did she say? was it something bad? do you want to come over now? i can get coran too if that will make you feel better

 **[02:46PM] (bi)tter:** i don't want to talk about it but i would really love to spend some quality time with you and coran

 **[02:46PM] lesbean:** do you need me to pick you up?

 **[02:47PM] (bi)tter:** no, it's fine, just

 **[02:47PM] (bi)tter:** can you not tell the rest about any of this? i don't want to look like i'm whining and things are actually quite good with nyma so

 **[02:48PM] lesbean:** i won't tell but you do know that you can talk to us about anything? you always listen to us so it's only fair

 **[02:49PM] (bi)tter:** i know, i love u

 **[02:49PM] lesbean:** right back at you !!!

* * *

**edgelord™ > lesbean**

**[03:02PM] edgelord™:** hi allura, i just wanted to say that i'm really happy that you met selene and i support you even if i wasn't as enthusiastic as the others, just.. those feelings are all new to me and having friends wasn't really my thing before so i'm still bad at it but yeah

 **[03:04PM] lesbean:** did shiro force you to do this?

 **[03:04PM] edgelord™:** i mean..... yeah, but i wanted to say that too

 **[03:05PM] lesbean:** keith bb it's totally okay and i get it, i'm not mad or anything. thank you for those words but even without them i know you support me and i'm really grateful for that

 **[03:06PM] lesbean:** i hope that soon you will find someone you'll want to show off to us too

 **[03:06PM] lesbean:** you deserve that

 **[03:07PM] edgelord™:**............

 **[03:07PM] lesbean:** too emotionally supportive?

 **[03:08PM] edgelord™:** a little, but thank you. it means a lot

 **[03:09PM] lesbean:** anytime, my child

* * *

**can't pray away the gay™**

**[05:14PM] RoboCop:** where is lance

 **[05:14PM] annoyance:**??? he didn't even respond when we talked about beyonce what the fuck

 **[05:15PM] edgelord™:** okay that /is/ weird

 **[05:15PM] lesbean:** don't worry guys, lance is with me & he's safe. he just fell asleep

 **[05:16PM] baymax:** But it's 5, is this a Mood Nap?

 **[05:16PM] lesbean:** um, yeah i think so

 **[05:17PM] edgelord™:** is he alright?

 **[05:17PM] annoyance:** what happened? 

 **[05:17PM] baymax:** Should I come get him? Or just come and hug him?

 **[05:18PM] lesbean:** shit lance will hate me that i told you but i'm so mad i need to rant

 **[05:18PM] RoboCop:** spill

 **[05:20PM] lesbean:** one person (i won't tell who bc lance wouldn't want that) told him he shouldn't wear makeup because it makes them (that person) uncomfortable when they're together in public places

 **[05:21PM] edgelord™:** but lance doesn't even wear that much makeup

 **[05:21PM] baymax:** WHAT THE FUCK WHO SAID THAT?

 **[05:22PM] lesbean:** i know !!!! and even if lance did wear that much makeup it wouldn't matter because the fuck do you care? it's his face ??? a pretty face at that

 **[05:22PM] annoyance:** okay first of all what the fuck i'm so mad

 **[05:23PM] RoboCop:** that's really shitty

 **[05:23PM] baymax:** Guys, I got genuinely upset because Lance was so insecure the first time he had makeup on and it took him so long to get comfortable with it. Do you know how he must feel now?

 **[05:24PM] lesbean:** hunk don't make me fucking cry

 **[05:25PM] annoyance:** lance, when you wake up and read this i want you to know i will find out who said this and i will fucking end them

 **[05:25PM] annoyance:** and i'm buying you this pretty palette you said is too expensive

 **[05:26PM] baymax:**!!!! Pidge, I can buy that with you.

 **[05:26PM] RoboCop:** i second what pidge said and also i can give money too

 **[05:27PM] lesbean:** i did his makeup today, who wants pics?

 **[05:27PM] baymax:** WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT

 **[05:28PM] lesbean:** _[2 images attached]_

 **[05:29PM] edgelord™:** whatve hell bdjgfg

 **[05:29PM] baymax:** Did I save these pictures or did these pictures save me?

 **[05:29PM] annoyance:** damn that eyeliner is on POINT

 **[05:30PM] RoboCop:** this is a Look™

 **[05:30PM] annoyance:** shiro did you just

 **[05:31PM] RoboCop:** yes

 **[05:31PM] baymax:** Lance would be so proud.

 **[05:32PM] lesbean:** yes !! appreciate my son !!

 **[05:32PM] baymax:** I would die for him.

* * *

**kogayne > bilance**

**[05:46PM] edgelord™:** lance whoever told you this shitty thing isn't worth your time, yeah?

 **[05:47PM] edgelord™:** if you ever bring that up i'll deny it ever happened but you look so good in makeup sometimes it makes me wish i was as brave as you so i could try it too

 **[05:49PM] edgelord™:** shit, i'm bad at this but the point is, you do you and don't let someone tell you that it's wrong because "it makes me uncomfortable" sounds like a /you/ problem. you shouldn't care, lance

 **[05:50PM] edgelord™:** text me when you wake up so i know things are fine

* * *

**edgelord™ > RoboCop**

**[05:53PM] edgelord™:** _[image attached]_

 **[05:53PM] edgelord™:**  im a fucking mess

 **[05:54PM] RoboCop:** that's sweet keith, you're just being a supportive friend. what's wrong with that?

 **[05:55PM] edgelord™:** i hate it, that's what's wrong

 **[05:55PM] RoboCop:** you know, it's fine to like lance

 **[05:56PM] edgelord™:** woah there, who said i like him calm down shiro

 **[05:56PM] RoboCop:** you're a mess

 **[05:57PM] edgelord™:** HELP ME

* * *

  **bilance > kogayne**

 **[08:12PM] bilance:** what the hell keith

 **[08:12PM] bilance:** you don't get to make me  so emotional when i just woke up from a three hours Sadness Nap

 **[08:13PM] bilance:** who even are you and what have you done to my keith

 **[08:13PM] bilance:** im crying

 **[08:15PM] kogayne:** okay hold up, should i not have sent those messages? i'm sorry, i was just worried

 **[08:15PM] bilance:** S HIT KEITH

 **[08:15PM] bilance:** no, don't be sorry !! those messages were so fucking nice and you have no idea how much this means to me. i've always thought you don't care about me at all and just

 **[08:16PM] bilance:** shit that was so nice and i'm just not used to that

 **[08:16PM] kogayne:** not used to people being nice to you?

 **[08:17PM] bilance:** well yeah and you being nice to me. i mean our friends are nice and hunk is like the best but usually people laugh at me & they're being dicks so

 **[08:17PM] bilance:** whatever, but really thank you so much keith because you made me feel better

 **[08:18PM] kogayne:** i think the most important thing is that your friends are nice and appreciate you, you know? fuck what others think

 **[08:18PM] bilance:** i guess you're right, but sometimes it would be nice to be something more than comic relief

 **[08:19PM] kogayne:** do you really think it's all that you are?

 **[08:21PM] bilance:** i mean, yeah? i'm the stupid/funny friend. but anyways, you know i'd love to do your makeup one day. i think you'd look really nice in eyeliner, boy

 **[08:21PM] kogayne:** lance, we're bonding and you're ruining it

 **[08:22PM] bilance:** fuck off pink floyd

 **[08:22PM] bilance:** let me do your makeup

 **[08:23PM] kogayne:** listen lady gaga ,,

 **[08:23PM] kogayne:** real talk, are you okay?

 **[08:24PM] bilance:** um i'm not just "okay" i'm gorgeous, 10/10

 **[08:24PM] kogayne:** lance

 **[08:25PM] bilance:** don't worry about it bb, i'm always okay ;-)

 **[08:25PM] kogayne:** i smell bullshit

 **[08:26PM] bilance:** read 08:26 ✓

* * *

**can't pray away the gay™**

**[08:24PM] lesbean:** i really hope lance won't be mad at me for telling you guys

 **[08:24PM] annoyance:** lance? mad at allura? those words

 **[08:25PM] RoboCop:** is it possible to use them together in a sentence like that?

 **[08:25PM] baymax:**!!!

 **[08:26PM] lesbean:** fuck i love him so much

 **[08:26PM] lesbean:** dudes all of you here are queer and no one snatched him yet ??? boys are so dumb

 **[08:27PM] annoyance:** um ,,,

 **[08:27PM] lesbean:** i see you, pidge, but i dont hate myself enough to call you dumb also you're a child

 **[08:27PM] lesbean:** and i can understand why hunk isn't dating lance because they're brothers from another mothers. and shiro is too old and in a """committed relationship""" he didn't know about until like three days ago (((((dumb))))))

 **[08:28PM] RoboCop:** thanks allura

 **[08:28PM] annoyance:** that leaves us with keith, intersting(ay)

 **[08:29PM] edgelord™:** fuck off

 **[08:30PM] (bi)tter:** GUYS OH MY GOD

 **[08:31PM] baymax:** LANCE YOU'RE OKAY

 **[08:31PM] annoyance:** LANCE YOU FUCK ANSWER ME WHEN I CALL BECAUSE I GOT FUCKING SCARED

 **[08:31PM] RoboCop:** LANCE

 **[08:32PM] (bi)tter:** fuck guys i love you all so much i have no idea what i'd do without you, you're all the best thing that could happen to me i swear

 **[08:33PM] (bi)tter:** also there's no need to buy me that palette, it's rlly expensive and your words are seriously enough, i feel like beyonce again !!!!

 **[08:33PM] annoyance:** too late boy the palette is already ordered and you better fucking use it

 **[08:34PM] (bi)tter:** WHT THE HELL I LOVE YOU LET ME JUST SLIDE INTO YOUR TEXTS AND APPRECIATE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU

 **[08:35PM] annoyance:** holy shit i feel like hunk, lance are we bonding

 **[08:35PM] (bi)tter:** apparently im bonding with everyone today

 **[08:36PM] edgelord™:** _[image attached]_

 **[08:36PM] edgelord™:**  this is what lance thinks about himself so like.... do the emotional thing i'm incapable of

 **[08:36PM] (bi)tter:** DONT FCIKNG EXPODSE ME

 **[08:37PM] (bi)tter:** also you were very emotional earlier so jot that down

 **[08:37PM] RoboCop:** lance what the hell is wrong with you

 **[08:38PM] (bi)tter:** boy where do i start

 **[08:38PM] baymax:** Like hell you're just a comic relief.

 **[08:39PM] edgelord™:** you have to be funny for that

 **[08:39PM] (bi)tter:** i'll have you know that my dad laughs at all of my jokes

 **[08:39PM] annoyance:** it's because he has it in a parents contract, he has to

 **[08:40PM] edgelord™:** it's because his jokes are worse

 **[08:40PM] (bi)tter:** um ,, gotta love my fans

 _ **(bi)tter**_ **changed the name of the group to _"lance's backup singers™_**  ".

 **[08:42PM] edgelord™:** someone make me an admin so i can block lance

 **[08:43PM] baymax:** Lance, we all love your humor but there's so much more ??? You're the best person I've ever met and do you want me to tell you why?

 **[08:43PM] RoboCop:** i want you to tell him

 **[08:46PM] baymax:** Because when in the first grade kids were laughing at the way I look and at my skin color, you were the first one to sit with me during lunch and you were the one who told me that being different isn't bad because if we were all the same, soon we would look in the mirror and not recognize ourselves. And it was so smart for a kid, I remember it to this day because that's what helped me to get through so much racism and body shaming, you have no idea Lance.

 **[08:46PM] lesbean:** oh my god i'm printing this out and i'm gonna put it on my wall

 **[08:49PM] annoyance:** i remember that during my first week at the garrison iverson kept misgendering me and one time it happened after we fucked up in that simulator and he was ranting without even looking at us and i'm not sure lance was even listening but finally he said "they fucked up" with this bored voice ??? and iverson stopped and was like /what/ and lance looked at him and said "if you want to shit on us at least use proper pronouns, in pidge's case the proper pronouns is /they/ so fucking use it" and i was like DAAAAMN because i've never told lance about the pronouns and he just heard how matt talks about me

 **[08:50PM] annoyance:** talk about good friends, i was literally clutching at his legs ever since

 **[08:50PM] edgelord™:** fuck i remember this, iverson was so shocked, Iconic™

 **[08:51PM] lesbean:** i'm printing this too

 **[08:51PM] RoboCop:** what the hell, how wasn't lance expelled

 **[08:51PM] (bi)tter:** well there are more non-binary/genderfluid/trans people at the garrison and they were willing to back me up because they were sick of iverson too. he hates me to this day but it was fucking worth it, i would do anything for u guys <3

 **[08:52PM] annoyance:** never sing despacito again

 **[08:52PM] (bi)tter:** i would do anything but that for u guys <3

 **[08:53PM] (bi)tter:** also hunk bb i love you so much and you're the most beautiful boy out there, 10/10

 **[08:53PM] (bi)tter:** can you come pick me up form allura's

 **[08:53PM] baymax:** OF COURSE I CAN I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

 **[08:54PM] edgelord™:** can you like. chill?

 **[08:54PM] (bi)tter:** don't tell him what to do, green day

 **[08:55PM] edgelord™:** i've had it with the insults, beyonce

 **[08:55PM] (bi)tter:** stop flirting with me

 **[08:55PM] edgelord™:** read 08:55 ✓

 **[08:56PM] (bi)tter:** first of all Rude

* * *

**edgelord™ > annoyance**

**[09:16PM] edgelord™:** so.... lance called me bb and said "my keith"

 **[09:16PM]** **edgelord™:** what are we

 **[09:17PM] annoyance:** fucking idiots, that's what

 **[09:17PM] edgelord™:** this is homophobia

 **[09:18PM] annoyance:** will you ever tell him that you like him?

 **[09:18PM] edgelord™:** you mean people actually do that? they don't die because of repressed feelings? What The Hell

 **[09:18PM] annoyance:** i swear i hate you so much sometimes even tho i appreciate you trust me enough to talk to me about this

 **[09:19PM] edgelord™:** i mean.... shiro would just tell me to tell lance, i don't know allura well enough and hunk would just tell lance for me so you're all i got

 **[09:19PM] annoyance:** geeeez thanks dude

 **[09:20PM] edgelord™:** ugh you know what i mean

 **[09:20PM] annoyance:** weirdly i know but you're not as bad at expressing your feelings as you think you are, you emo fuck

 **[09:20PM] edgelord™:** it's because for the first time i actually have friends and i'm trying to make effort

 **[09:23PM] annoyance:** keith dude, i dont know if you've noticed but everyone in our gc is fucked up in a different way and our coping mechanisms include memes, talking about death and dying, sarcasm, and being assholes. we've all been where you are now because before becoming friends with lance and hunk we were a Mess

 **[09:24PM] annoyance:** honestly if it wasn't for the fact that lance is an annoying little shit who wouldn't let the gc die we wouldn't be talking here today so like. don't stress yourself because we understand if you don't want to talk about feelings or shit

 **[09:24PM] annoyance:** but you should tell lance before he finds another nyma, or worse, ends up with the Original Nyma

 **[09:25PM] edgelord™:** i appreciate this all, but honestly you know i won't tell him and it's fine

 **[09:28PM] annoyance:** ITS NOT ITS FUCKING NOT I REFUSE

 **[09:28PM] edgelord™:** jesus chill pidge

 **[09:28PM] annoyance:** HOLy fuck KEITH MATT TOOK MY PHONE AND SAW THIS IM SOSOSRRY SHIT

 **[09:29PM] edgelord™:** WHAT THE HELL PIDGE IT WAS PRIVATE AD HE WILL TELL LANCE

 **[09:30PM] annoyance:** TEXT HIM SFKJBJKGG

* * *

**keith > matt**

**[09:31PM] keith:** matt i will fucking kill you if you say anything even to shiro. i was in juvie once, i can go back i'm not joking

 **[09:32PM] matt:** what the hell man

 **[09:32PM] matt:** to what lengths will you go for lance not to know about your crush?

 **[09:33PM] keith:** CALL IT A CRUSH ONE MORE FUCKING TIME AND YOU WILL FIND OUT

 **[09:33PM] keith:** i'm serious, please

 **[09:34PM] matt:** BUT I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU FOR LIKE THREE YEARS NOW YOU LITTLE SHITS GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS KOGANE

 **[09:35PM] keith:** DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DATING MY BROTHER IT DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T KICK YOUR ASS

 **[09:35PM] matt:** YOU WOULD HAVE TO REACH IT FIRST

 **[09:35PM] keith:** LISTEN I WILL FIGHT YOU

 **[09:36PM] keith:** promise me you won't say

 **[09:36PM] matt:** but if i won't say and you won't say the who will fucking say

 **[09:37PM] keith:** no one, that's the point

 **[09:37PM] matt:** you and your fucking brother, i swear to god

 **[09:38PM] matt:** fine, i won't say because shiro would be mad but i'm watching you, kogane. you /will/ tell my fave boy eventually because its what he deserves

 **[09:38PM] keith:** emotionally damaged guy who likes him is what lance deserves?

 **[09:39PM] keith:** also your fave boy? what the hell

 **[09:40PM] matt:** YOU SAID YOU LIKE HIM I HAVE SCREENSHOTS

 **[09:41PM] keith:** you're 25, act like it

 **[09:41PM] matt:** never

 **[09:41PM] matt:** also i meant that lance deserves a nice looking guy pining over him

 **[09:42PM] keith:** IMNOT FUCKNG PINGNG

 **[09:42PM] keith:** THE E AUDACITY

 **[09:43PM] keith:** FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF

 **[09:43PM] matt:** mmMMMMMMMMmmmhhhHHHhHHHMMMMmmMMMMmmmMMm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves,  
> thank you for still reading this !! i've seen some nasty things being said about lance lately so that's why i've made this chapter, i hope you like it.  
> 


	6. lance's backup singers™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[05:18PM] kogayne:** well, sometimes you have to drag a bitch with your hands
> 
>  **[05:18PM] bilance:** that's so tiring. can you be my hitman?
> 
>  **[05:19PM] kogayne:** you're so fucking weird man
> 
>  **[05:19PM] bilance:** ...is that a yes
> 
>  **[05:20PM] kogayne:** hell yea wasn't i obvious enough
> 
> (OR, im pushing the klance agenda even more)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for the comments and kudos, i love you all !!
> 
> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura

**lance's backup singers™**

**[04:12PM] (bi)tter:** guys don't tell keith but this new all time low album is actually cool

 **[04:13PM] annoyance:** lance- nevermind

 **[04:13PM] edgelord™:** HA I KNEW IT YOU HUGE LOSER

 **[04:14PM] edgelord™:** welcome to the dark side

 **[04:15PM] (bi)tter:** if you ever say that to my face i will deny everything and i don't know all time low i am the King Of Pop

 **[04:15PM] edgelord™:** well fuck you too :///

 **[04:16PM] (bi)tter:** yeah yeah i'm the worst, wanna come over later so we can listen together ???

 **[04:16PM] edgelord™:** come over to educate you on Good Music? always

 **[04:16PM] lesbean:** ahh i love boyfriends

 **[04:17PM] annoyance:** perfect timing

 **[04:17PM] (bi)tter:** i'm calling the police

 **[04:18PM] (bi)tter:** listen ,, if i was flirting with keith, he would be already crying while looking at pictures on my instagram from three years ago because that's how far down he scrolled in his misery

 **[04:18PM] RoboCop:** that's.... oddly specific

 **[04:18PM] edgelord™:** bitch you bet i would be crying because i'd be laughing so hard at your prepubescent pictures you loser

 **[04:19PM] annoyance:** GIVE HIM ICE FOR THAT BURN

 **[04:20PM] (bi)tter:** and here i was thinking i was born beautiful, my mom has some serious explanation to do ,,

 **[04:22PM] annoyance:** lance what is hunk doing? i need his help with this project and he's ignoring me

 **[04:23PM] (bi)tter:** i think he's in the library ?? i mean, he's mad at me so maybe he turned off his phone so i wouldn't be able to beg for forgiveness

 **[04:23PM] lesbean:** excuse me what now

 **[04:24PM] RoboCop:** this is 2012 all over again, the world is ending

 **[04:24PM] annoyance:** what did you do?

 **[04:25PM] edgelord™:** hunk mad at lance? /now/ i've heard everything and i can die in peace

 **[04:25PM] (bi)tter:** okay, why would you assume i've done anything? me, an angel

 **[04:26PM] annoyance:** hunk was never mad at you, not even once and you've been friends for like 12 years

 **[04:27PM] baymax:** Lance, I swear I will go there and punch you in another eye.

 **[04:27PM] (bi)tter:** YOU'RE ALIVE

 **[04:27PM] RoboCop:** "another eye"? lance what the hell

 **[04:28PM] edgelord™:** holy shit lance, what have you done?

 **[04:28PM] (bi)tter:** i want a lawyer, this is biphobia

 **[04:29PM] lesbean:** ok what's going on i'm so confused

 **[04:29PM] baymax:** He fought with Lotor.

 **[04:30PM] lesbean:** WHAT HE DID WAHT LANCE YOU DID WHAT

 **[04:30PM] (bi)tter:** AND I KICKED HIS ASS, KEITH I SWEAR YOU WOULD BE PROUD

 **[04:31PM] baymax:** THAT'S NOT THE POINT, LANCE.

 **[04:31PM] edgelord™:** OH MY GOD, YOU GO LANCE!!!

 **[04:32PM] RoboCop:** don't encourage him, keith!

 **[04:32PM] edgelord™:** i'm sorry but this is just

 **[04:32PM] edgelord™:** woah, i /am/ proud

 **[04:33PM] annoyance:** wait, why did you fight him?

 **[04:33PM] (bi)tter:** because he's a piece of shit that's why

 **[04:34PM] edgelord™:** wooOOOooOOOoOOoOOOoOoooOo i'm your fucking #1 fan right now lance what the hell

 **[04:35PM] RoboCop:** keith we all know you hate lotor but jot that down

 **[04:35PM] baymax:** I hate you all so much right now.

 **[04:36PM] (bi)tter:** hunk, my man, my boy, my platonic soulmate

 **[04:36PM] baymax:** Leave me alone.

 **[04:37PM] annoyance:** shit this is serious

 **[04:38PM] (bi)tter:** well what did you expect me to do? he was talking shit about hunk's moms and i'm not here for that so i punched him in the throat

 **[04:38PM] baymax:** And he punched you.

 **[04:38PM] (bi)tter:** semantics

 **[04:39PM] edgelord™:** lance i like you 20% more now

 **[04:39PM] lesbean:** excuse me but i would deck lotor myself

 **[04:40PM] annoyance:** um if i was there lotor would say goodbye to his kneecaps

 **[04:40PM] RoboCop:** yeah, i'm with allura. i actually understand lance

 **[04:41PM] baymax:** I can't believe this. Betrayed by my own father.

 **[04:41PM] (bi)tter:** i still love you, y'know

 **[04:41PM] lesbean:** but lance, are you fine?

 **[04:42PM] (bi)tter:** have you ever seen me? i'm fine as hell

 **[04:42PM] lesbean:** that's...... True

 **[04:43PM] baymax:** Except for the black eye and split lip.

 **[04:43PM] (bi)tter:** SHHHHHHH don't be mad at me when i love you

 **[04:44PM] baymax:** My moms would be mad at you too.

 **[04:44PM] (bi)tter:** lies, they love me too much and they would be like "atta boy !!!!!"

 **[04:44PM] baymax:** NO THEY WOULD NOT. I just don't want you to pick my battles, Lance.

 **[04:45PM] (bi)tter:** i'm your best friend, that's what i do buddy

 **[04:45PM] edgelord™:** also lotor had it coming, you need to admit it hunk

 **[04:45PM] lesbean:** keith standing up for lance? Boyfriends

 **[04:46PM] edgelord™:** 911 i'm being bullied

 **[04:46PM] baymax:** Fine, I'm not mad anymore. But are you putting the ice on this bruise?

 **[04:47PM] (bi)tter:** honestly? i've tripped when i was walking into the room and i've been laying on the floor for the last hour because i'm too lazy to get up

 **[04:48PM] edgelord™:** lance's life in one message

 **[04:48PM] (bi)tter:** the doors are opened and people are just looking at me without asking if i need help, Rude

 **[04:49PM] edgelord™:** it's because they know you. you've once took a nap in the elevator

 **[04:49PM] RoboCop:** ahh i miss school

 **[04:50PM] lesbean:** same

 **[04:51PM] (bi)tter:** well if any of you wanna switch with me then be my guest, i have a paper on something with engines due tomorrow

 **[04:51PM] edgelord™:** shit is it really due tomorrow?

 **[04:52PM] RoboCop:** don't tell me you haven't even started, keith

 **[04:52PM] edgelord™:** fuck off, you ain't my real dad

 **[04:53PM] edgelord™:** never met him

 **[04:53PM] annoyance:** fdsnfnksgjs

 **[04:54PM] (bi)tter:** I SNORTED AND NOW THIS GIRL FROM 142 IS STARING AT ME KEITH I HATE U

 **[04:55PM] baymax:** Lance, do you need me to come back and help you with the paper and your face?

 **[04:55PM] annoyance:** but you promised to help me what kind of bros before hoes

 **[04:56PM] RoboCop:** did you just call yourself a hoe

 **[04:56PM] annoyance:** so what if i did, the point still stands

 **[04:57PM] (bi)tter:** no no, there's gotta be some balance, a homie-hoe-stasis if you will

 **[04:57PM] edgelord™:** hello ms mcclain yeah what the fuck is wrong with your child

 **[04:57PM] lesbean:** she would ask which one

 **[04:58PM] (bi)tter:** Rude and Uncalled for, also keith don't talk to my mother like that

 **[04:58PM] (bi)tter:** but hunk my man you go and help pidge, i'll handle this myself

 **[04:59PM] baymax:** You sure?

 **[04:59PM] (bi)tter:** ofc

 **[05:00PM] (bi)tter:** keith can you come handle this for me

 **[05:00PM] lesbean:** fdnksdfjskg

 **[05:01PM] RoboCop:** lance how have you survived almost two decades of life

 **[05:02PM] annoyance:** have you even met him? that kid could bullshit his way out of murder

 **[05:02PM] baymax:** I hope I'll never live to this moment, oh God.

 **[05:03PM] edgelord™:** lance, by "this" you mean what exactly? your face or the paper?

 **[05:03PM] (bi)tter:** i mean the weight of living, handle this for me

 **[05:04PM] annoyance:** hunk, you still at the library? i'll be there in 5

 **[05:05PM] baymax:** Yeah!! Lance and Keith, you guys know this paper is like 50% of our final grade? I will send you some of my notes to help and if you have any questions just text me, okay?

 **[05:05PM] baymax:** And for the love of God, Lance pick yourself up from the floor. Linda from 142 texted me to ask if you should be taking some meds.

 **[05:06PM] edgelord™:** 50% ARE YO KIDDING

 **[05:06PM] RoboCop:** i cant believe you left it for the last minute

 **[05:07PM] (bi)tter:** um ,, what the hell linda, mind your own business and go eat a bagel or something

 **[05:07PM] annoyance:** wait who's linda

 **[05:07PM] (bi)tter:** yeah i see you bitch, stop staring at me as if you've never wanted to lay facedown on the floor you soccer mom

 **[05:08PM] (bi)tter:** your kid's softball team sucks, linda

 **[05:08PM] baymax:** CALM DOWN LANCE SHE IS JUST CONCERNED.

 **[05:08PM] lesbean:** holy shit, poor linda

 **[05:09PM] edgelord™:** ok im coming lance and i'm gonna teach you how to take a hit so it won't hurt that much

 **[05:09PM] (bi)tter:** YOU CAN DO THAT?!

 **[05:10PM] baymax:** Excuse me, what now?

 **[05:10PM] RoboCop:** keith, do i need to come over there?

 **[05:11PM] edgelord™:** gee chill, just joking

 **[05:11PM] (bi)tter:** :-(

* * *

**kogayne > bilance**

**[05:13PM] kogayne:** wasn't joking

 **[05:14PM] bilance:** IM EXCITED !!!

 **[05:14PM] kogayne:** you're so easy to please smh

 **[05:15PM] kogayne:** did it hurt a lot?

 **[05:15PM] bilance:** i mean it didn't really hurt when he punched me ??? just after or right now it hurts like bitch but don't tell hunk

 **[05:16PM] kogayne:** actually it's pretty normal, earlier you were high on adrenaline so it didn't hurt that much

 **[05:16PM] bilance:** i'm just glad he didn't hit my pretty nose

 **[05:17PM] kogayne:** yeah, that would be a shame

 **[05:17PM] bilance:** i'm gonna ignore the sarcasm, fuck you. wish i was still high tho because i just ,,, Want To Die. why do people even fight? i can drag a bitch with words better

 **[05:18PM] kogayne:** well, sometimes you have to drag a bitch with your hands

 **[05:18PM] bilance:** that's so tiring. can you be my hitman?

 **[05:19PM] kogayne:** you're so fucking weird man

 **[05:19PM] bilance:**...is that a yes

 **[05:20PM] kogayne:** hell yea wasn't i obvious enough

 **[05:20PM] kogayne:** also i think i can help with being high thing but i gotta go back to my dorm real quick

 **[05:21PM] bilance:** fuck i love you so much right now

* * *

**lance's backup singers™**

**[08:02PM] baymax:** How do you handle high people? Do I tell them to go to sleep? Do I make them something to eat? Do I just stare at them?

 **[08:03PM] RoboCop:** wait, who's high?

 **[08:03PM] baymax:** Two strangers which I know nothing about, why do you ask?

 **[08:04PM] RoboCop:** hunk don't lie for them, did they at least finish their papers?

 **[08:04PM] baymax:** Actually yeah ?? And I looked over it, it's pretty fucking good if you ask me and I can't believe they did this together.

 **[08:05PM] lesbean:** good papers and getting high together? now that's what i call a power couple

 **[08:05PM] annoyance:** i want a live relation on what's going on

 **[08:06PM] lesbean:** omg yes !!!

 **[08:08PM] baymax:** Um, fine. Right now they're listening to this new Halsey album, Keith is laying on the floor and Lance is laying with his head on Keith's stomach. You know the stars Lance has on the ceiling? The fluorescent ones, Keith is counting them and Lance is holding Keith's hand above his head and playing with his fingers.

 **[08:09PM] baymax:** And there's so much giggling, damn. I don't think they even noticed I came back? I don't think they remember why they were giggling? Do I take their weed away?

 **[08:10PM] lesbean:** OH SHIT HUNK PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN

 **[08:11PM] annoyance:** NO RECORD A VIDEO

 **[08:11PM] RoboCop:** WHAT THE HELL OF COURSE TAKE THEIR WEED AWAY THEY'VE CLEARLY HAD ENOUGH

 **[08:14PM] baymax:** Guys, holy shit this is actually so sweet. Like.... they don't see me, they're just like hand holding and laughing together and this is so peaceful, I've never seen them like that and it's so much better than when they fight.

 **[08:14PM] baymax:** Fuck, I love soft klance.

 **[08:16PM] baymax:** _[3 images attached]_

 **[08:16PM] baymax:** _[video attached (03:46)]_

 **[08:20PM] RoboCop:**  oh god they're so out of this

 **[08:20PM] lesbean:** IM CRYINGF

 **[08:21PM] annoyance:** WHAT THE FUCK I CANT EVEN USE THIS AS BLACKMAIL BECAUSE ITS FUCKING CUTE

 **[08:21PM] lesbean:** life is treating me good

 **[08:22PM] RoboCop:** wait, do you guys think lance likes keith?

 **[08:22PM] lesbean:** why, does keith like lance?

 **[08:22PM] annoyance:** you guys are so clueless i swear to god

 **[08:23PM] baymax:** Shit, stop texting because they get distracted by their phones and they're freaking out because they don't know what's going on skkjbsgsjkgf

 **[08:25PM] baymax:** Oh no, they're reading this out loud.

 **[08:27PM] edgelord™:** keifs in love with lsance

 **[08:29PM] (bi)tter:** awhe sweet, lsance knows?

 **[08:35PM] annoyance:** what just

 **[08:35PM] lesbean:** HOLY SHIT

 **[08:36PM] RoboCop:** WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO NOW

 **[08:36PM] annoyance:** ABORT ABORT ABORT 

 **[08:37PM] baymax:** OH .Y GOD SINCE WHEN

 **[08:37PM] annoyance:** no, shit guys listen, we need to delete this chat

 **[08:38PM] lesbean:** what? why? what's going on?

 **[08:38PM] annoyance:** KEITH IS HIGH AND HE JUST TEXTED HE'S IN LOVE WITH LANCE, HE'S GONNA HATE HIMSELF IN LANCE SEES THIS TOMORROW

 **[08:38PM] baymax:** Wait, so you mean Keith is serious?

 **[08:39PM] annoyance:** YOU NEED ME TO FUCKING SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU OR WHAT

 **[08:39PM] lesbean:** but that's.... a good thing, right?

 **[08:40PM] annoyance:** is it really? lance has a thing with nyma and we don't know if he even thinks about keith like that and with keith's anxiety just imagine how he will feel if lance sees this chat

 **[08:41PM] RoboCop:** pidge is right guys, promise not to say /anything/

 **[08:41PM] lesbean:** of course i promise but shit i'm just so happy because lance deserves someone like keith, not nyma

 **[08:42PM] annoyance:** jot that down and delete this chat

 **[08:42PM] baymax:** Okay but let me just put it out here real quick that I think Lance likes Keith too.

 **[08:43PM] lesbean:** kdjsfddsgjkdsgsd

 _**annoyance** _ **deleted the group chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter was written before i found out about lotor's lesbian generals squad so like ,,, don't mind because he gained points with that  
> i hope you guys liked the chapter !!  
> 


	7. #team klance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[05:16PM] (bi)tter:** what kind of donuts does keith like?
> 
>  **[05:17PM] RoboCop:** what the hell
> 
> (OR, lance has literally no filter so he gotta make up for it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm bitter because i don't have netflix and i need to wait to watch s3 so have all the klangst in the world
> 
> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura

**_lesbean_ has created a group chat  
_lesbean_ added _annoyance_ , _baymax_ and _RoboCop_ to the group chat**

**#team klance**

**[09:02PM] lesbean:**  so to everyone who knows shit and keep it away from me, spill right now or im telling coran

 **[09:03PM] RoboCop:** actually im as clueless as you when it comes to them

 **[09:03PM] annoyance:** CORAN?! WHAT KIND OF A THREAT IS THAT

 **[09:04PM] baymax:** A one that works, let me tell you.

 **[09:05PM] baymax:** But I don't really know anything? I mean lately Keith's been asking a lot about Nyma and if she's good for Lance but I just thought that maybe they're finally getting along, you know?

 **[09:05PM] lesbean:** ok but you said that you think lance likes keith too ???

 **[09:06PM] RoboCop:** okay one thing at a time, first of all: do we want them to like each other?

 **[09:06PM] lesbean:** why /wouldn't/ we want them to like each other? wasn't klance always our mother ship since my birthday party three years ago when lance pushed keith to the swimming pool and keith held onto lance's shirt, pulling him with bc keith couldn't swim and lance freaked the fuck out ???

 **[09:08PM] baymax:** Shit, that was amazing, I agree with Allura.

 **[09:08PM] annoyance:** shiro explain

 **[09:09PM] RoboCop:** no i know (even tho i dont appreciate lance's attempts at drowning my brother), i just mean that they're both our friends and they actually fight a lot so if they would like. break up wouldn't it be worse for everyone?

 **[09:09PM] baymax:** That is a good point.

 **[09:10PM] lesbean:** okay, yeah. BUT if they both like each other, wouldn't it be fair to help them? they should at least have the chance to try, i mean shiro and matt are our friends too and they're dating

 **[09:10PM] annoyance:** also a good point

 **[09:10PM] RoboCop:** okay i guess but i still dont think we should interfere in their life

 **[09:11PM] lesbean:** dont be boring, i just wanna know if my kids like each other so tell me that for starters

 **[09:13PM] annoyance:** well i guess keith already made it clear he likes lance but just. please dont ever let him know you know. teasing the way we always did is fine but keith is really anxious and it took him a long timm to tell anyone (me) so dont use that against him

 **[09:14PM] byamax:** Of course we won't. And I think Lance likes Keith or at least starts to like him that way because he also talks a lot about him and I just... I know him and I can see he cares about Keith a lot more than he lets on. But don't tell him.

 **[09:15PM] lesbean:** so basically we know they like each other but we can't do shit? you guys are so boring, imma text matt, the captain of klance ship

 **[09:15PM] annoyance:** NO DON'T BECAUSE HE KNOWS ABOUT KEITH AND HE WILL TELL LANCE IF YOU TELL HIM

 **[09:16PM] RoboCop:** HOW DOES HE KNOW WHEN EVEN I DIDNT? KEITH'S MY BROTHER

 **[09:17PM] annoyance:** matt is a little shit thats why but the point is we all keep our mouths shut or im going to hack into your phones and leak your nudes, understood?

 **[09:17PM] baymax:** But I don't have nudes.

 **[09:18PM] lesbean:** understood, jesus christ how did i even end up being friends with such cruel youth?

 **[09:18PM] RoboCop:** i blame keith

 **[09:19PM] annoyance:** but you were our friend before keith

 **[09:19PM] RoboCop:** I BLAME KEITH

 **[09:19PM] baymax:** I'm sorry, is it Lance?

 **[09:20PM] RoboCop:** ehh

* * *

**edgelord™ > annoyance**

**[07:12AM] edgelord™:** please please tell me i didnt do what i think i did

 **[07:12AM] annoyance:** oh so you do remember this

 **[07:16AM] edgelord™:** fucking shit i fucking hate myself im never smoking weed again what the fuck

 **[07:16AM] annoyance:** calm down dude, i deleted the chat so if lance doesn't remember then you're cool

 **[07:17AM] edgelord™:** pidge........ have i ever told you just how much i love you

 **[07:17AM] annoyance:** not quite enough

 **[07:17AM] edgelord™:** BIT WHAT ID HE DOES REMMEVER

 **[07:19AM] annoyance:** lance always does weird shit after weed so you can be like "ha, dude y know nothing like that happened u were trippin" but chances are he won't bring it up in case he just dreamed of this

 **[07:19AM] edgelord™:** okay first of all, i don't talk like that what the hell

 **[07:20AM] edgelord™:** but did the others see my message or

 **[07:20AM] annoyance:** no, they weren't on the chat. it was just me

 **[07:21AM] edgelord™:** oh thank god

 **[07:21AM] annoyance:** but so you do admit you're in love with him?

 **[07:22AM] edgelord™:** ha, dude y know nothing like that happened u were trippin

 **[07:22AM] annoyance:** THE NERVE, THE AUDACITY

* * *

 ** _(bi)tter_ has created a group chat**  
**_(bi)tter_ added _baymax, RoboCop, lesbean, edgelord™_ and _annoyance_ to the group chat**  
**_(bi)tter_ changed the name of the group to _"little shits™"_**

**little shits™**

**[10:14AM] (bi)tter:** can you fucking stop deleting my chats when im trying to bond with all of you, ungrateful shits

 **[10:14AM] annoyance:** sorry, it was an accident

 **[10:15AM] (bi)tter:** accident my ass

 **[10:15AM] (bi)tter:** accident was me showing up to classes today

 **[10:16AM] RoboCop:** are you texting from class?

 **[10:17AM] (bi)tter:** look at me, rebelling all over the planmd

 **[10:19AM] baymax:** The teacher took his phone.

 **[10:20AM] annoyance:** what a fucking loser

 **[10:24AM] edgelord™:** hi its lance, you are a fucking loser

 **[10:25AM] annoyance:** why is keith always giving you his phone?

 **[10:26AM] edgelord™:** because he looooooves me

 **[10:26AM] edgelord™:** I DO NOT

 **[10:27AM] lesbean:** since when are you two sitting together?

 **[10:28AM] baymax:** Since Iverson said Lance talks with me too much ??? I don't understand ??? Me, an angel

 **[10:29AM] edgelord™:** lotor is staring at me

 **[10:29AM] lesbean:** at you or lance?

 **[10:30AM] edgelord™:** at me lance, im lance

 **[10:30AM] edgelord™:** maybe he needs another punch, his throat looks too good

 **[10:31AM] RoboCop:** well your bruised face does not so sit your ass down mcclain

 **[10:31AM] edgelord™:**  first of all: that was keith, second of all: you ain't the boss of me

 **[10:32AM] annoyance:** lance, you know what just occurred to me? you punched lotor even tho he's even taller than you and like. he's kinda strong so i think you would totally take keith. can we change our bets?

 **[10:32AM] edgelord™:** HA I FUCKING KNEW IT SUCK IT KEITH

 **[10:33AM] RoboCop:** NO ONE'S GONNA FIGHT, CALM DOWN

 **[10:34AM] edgelord™:** im seriously going to deck this kid one day, now im hiding the phone bc i dont want iverson to take it

 **[10:34AM] lesbean:** ok i actually have work to do so see ya later

 **[10:35AM] annoyance:** ciao

 **[10:36AM] RoboCop:** bye guys!

* * *

**little shits™**

**[03:53PM] edgelord™:** one of these days i'm going to fucking kill lance, sorry hunk

 **[03:53PM] baymax:** No, don't take him away from me!

 **[03:53PM] lesbean:** shit that was fast

 **[03:54PM] annoyance:** im sure we all understand the feeling but what did he do this time

 **[03:54PM] (bi)tter:** me, an angel,

 **[03:55PM] baymax:**!!!!!

 **[03:55PM] edgelord™:** he stopped by the cafe earlier and his order? "give me a milkshake, waiter hold the boys"

 **[03:56PM] lesbean:** let me guess, you were his waiter?

 **[03:57PM] (bi)tter:** my favorite waiter ;-)

 **[03:57PM] edgelord™:** and so if i was his waiter, i didnt need to write his name on the cup because he always orders the same thing, yeah? but lance insisted and told me to write primrose everdeen

 **[03:57PM] baymax:** Oh no. Lance, again?

 **[03:58PM] (bi)tter:** ICONIC

 **[03:58PM] RoboCop:** i feel like i know where this is going

 **[03:59PM] edgelord™:** and so then i read his name out loud because fuck my job and lance jumps up and screams "i volunteer as a tribute" and i fucking hate him im quitting

 **[03:59PM] lesbean:** LANCE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

 **[04:00PM] RoboCop:** lance do you really have to make his job more difficult?

 **[04:00PM] (bi)tter:** but i gave him a good tip guys, keith tell them

 **[04:01PM] edgelord™:** yeah okay thats true, thanks

 **[04:02PM] (bi)tter:** say im the bestest friend ever and you love me

 **[04:02PM] edgelord™:** i will pour boiling hot coffee on me first

 **[04:03PM] (bi)tter:** rude

 **[04:03PM] (bi)tter:** speaking of love, how's selene?

 **[04:04PM] lesbean:** she said she doesn't believe in aliens

 **[04:04PM] (bi)tter:** DUMP HER

 **[04:04PM] edgelord™:** DUMP HER

 **[04:04PM] annoyance:** dump her

 **[04:05PM] RoboCop:** dUmP HeERr

 **[04:05PM] lesbean:** SHIRO WHAT THE 

 **[04:05PM] (bi)tter:** SHIR O MARRY ME

 **[04:06PM] baymax:** Oh come on, shut up guys. Allura, but besides this how is she?

 **[04:08PM] lesbean:** im not going to dump her because she's not my gf yet idiots also she's a total sweetheart and lance, when she saw your picture on my desk (the one where you're wearing leggings and my blue sweater) she said its 11/10

 **[04:08PM] (bi)tter:** that picture is at least 100/10 but i guess the girl knows what's good

 **[04:09PM] lesbean:**  yea yea i know, okay so what do you guys look for in your partner?

 **[04:09PM] RoboCop:** his name must be matt holt

 **[04:10PM] annoyance:** how gross

 **[04:10PM] annoyance:** im not looking for a partner

 **[04:11PM] lesbean:** okay, lance keith and hunk? im curious

 **[04:11PM] baymax:** It depends, I guess. I mean I'm pansexual so I don't have specific description. They have to be nice and like all of you, that's all.

 **[04:12PM] edgelord™:** like lance? you set the bar too high dude

 **[04:12PM] (bi)tter:** fuck you very much, mayday parade

 **[04:13PM] (bi)tter:** my partner has to believe in aliens, for starters. i wouldn't mind if they were into conspiracy theories too. uhh i like when they're shorter than me, and when they have their own opinions instead of just nodding along to mine like ,, i don't mind discussions and stuff. i want them to be cute, i just want a partner :-(

 **[04:13PM] lesbean:** what about nyma?

 **[04:14PM] (bi)tter:** yeah, i dont know if she's that interested

 **[04:14PM] lesbean:** what is she, blind?

 **[04:15PM] (bi)tter:** smart maybe, anyways. mullet it's your turn

 **[04:15PM] annoyance:** yes keith, tell us your type ;)

 **[04:16PM] edgelord™:** im looking for someone who....... will want to date me ???

 **[04:16PM] (bi)tter:** you set the bar too high

 **[04:16PM] lesbean:** oh come on keith, we're friends, right?

 **[04:17PM] edgelord™:** yeah okay, im looking for a guy, that's for sure. um taller than me? also must believe in aliens, good taste in music, preferably similar interests to mine so we can do things together

 **[04:17PM] edgelord™:** i dont know, thats hard

 **[04:18PM] (bi)tter:** that's actually a pretty good description. allura, are you gonna find us cute boys or are you making our profiles on dating sites right as we speak?

 **[04:18PM] edgelord™:** ALLURA NO

 **[04:20PM] lesbean:** actually i already have cute boys for you two. hunk bb, selene has a cousin your age that is as sweet as her, i think you two would get along. her name's shay  & she's coming to the shelter tomorrow for a dog. you can stop by if you want <3

 **[04:20PM] baymax:** This is very nice, maybe I'll come. :-)

 **[04:21PM] (bi)tter:** yeah okay perfect but i need to meet her too

 **[04:21PM] edgelord™:** what are you, hunk's mother?

 **[04:22PM] (bi)tter:** you're just jealous because hunk has three mums and you don't have even one

 **[04:22PM] (bi)tter:** fuck no, that was a dick move

 **[04:23PM] baymax:** LANCE

 **[04:23PM] RoboCop:** what the fuck lance

 **[04:24PM] annoyance:** i..... don't know what to say

 **[04:24PM] edgelord™:** chill, he's right

 **[04:25PM] (bi)tter:** no shit let me just

**_(bi)tter_ left the conversation**

* * *

**bilance > kogayne**

**[04:26PM] bilance:** where are you right now?

 **[04:26PM] kogayne:** ......why?

 **[04:27PM] bilance:** so you can punch me right in the face

 **[04:27PM] kogayne:** what is with you and the punching? have you talked about this with someone?

 **[04:27PM] bilance:** actually yes, with shiro but that's not the point. the point is i deserve it this time

 **[04:28PM] kogayne:** what did shiro say?

 **[04:28PM] bilance:** "use your safe word, lance, dammit"

 **[04:29PM] kogayne:** WHAG

 **[04:30PM] bilance:** iIM JOKING

 **[04:30PM] bilance:** but keith im so fucking sorry, you have no idea how shitty i feel

 **[04:31PM] kogayne:** honestly? maybe it will do you good, it was a pretty dick move

 **[04:37PM] kogayne:** okay, you're either typing something real long or you don't know what to say what would be really concerning seeing as you're... well, lance

 **[04:42PM] bilance:** fuck yes i know and im so so so sorry, you know i don't think before i speak and im a fuck up, i know that too and i know that's why you don't like me and really i deserve it because im the worst when it comes to talking. you'd think that when i type a message i would think about sending it but it's just like when im verbally talking to someone, i just can't shut up and stop being annoying and i don't want you to hate me like everyone else, you know? and of course you have a mother, ms shirogane loves you so fucking much and it's what you deserve keith, dont ever let assholes like me say otherwise because fuck you're amazing and even my mom likes you. hunks moms love you and even ms holt adores the hell out of you even if you dont know. parents love you and whoever left you was a shitty person and im a shitty person for saying this bullshit even if i was "joking"

 **[04:43PM] bilance:** shit im so sorry

 **[04:43PM] bilance:** you don't have to talk to me, i understand. just know that i really hate myself for saying that and i know it's not true

 **[04:44PM] bilance:** im sorry

* * *

**_text messages:_ maui  > moana**

**[04:56PM] maui:** Are you okay?

 **[04:57PM] moana:** no, a shitty person is what i am

 **[04:57PM] maui:** Did you apologize?

 **[04:58PM] moana:** of course i did, ive sent him this _[image attached]_

 **[04:58PM] moana:** and if he'll want to see me then i will say it in person too, i just

 **[04:58PM] moana:** why can't i fucking think before i speak? he didnt reply

 **[04:59PM] moana:** honestly i hope he won't ever talk to me again, i deserve it

 **[05:03PM] maui:** Listen, what you said was bad, I won't lie to you. But you apologized, you feel bad and it shows in your message. We all know Keith jokes about being an orphan but he actually feels bad about it and it's a sensitive topic. He might be upset but he won't be mad forever, Lance. Everything will be fine. You're not a bad person and things you said in this message to Keith? Half of it is not true. You're not the worst, annoying or a shitty person. You're an amazing person who sometimes say bad things, happens to all of us, don't beat yourself over this. I love you, okay?

 **[05:04PM] moana:** i love you so much more hunk

* * *

**RoboCop > (bi)tter**

**[04:59PM] RoboCop:** thank you for apologizing

 **[05:02PM] (bi)tter:** it's the least i could do, im so fucking sorry shiro. can you tell him that?

 **[05:03PM] RoboCop:** im sure he knows

* * *

**kogayne > bilance**

**[05:09PM] kogayne:** can we hang out today?

 **[05:10PM] bilance:** of course, i'll do anything

 **[05:11PM] kogayne:** just come to my dorm

 **[05:11PM] bilance:** alright, be there in 10

 **[05:12PM] kogayne:** oh and bring me donuts

 **[05:12PM] bilance:** make it 20 then

 **[05:13PM] kogayne:** i'll find a movie

* * *

**(bi)tter > RoboCop**

**[05:16PM] (bi)tter:**  what kind of donuts does keith like?

 **[05:17PM] RoboCop:** what the hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it !!  
> thanks for the kudos and comments, i love you all


	8. little shits™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[4:45pm] (bi)tter:** back to keith, you don’t like rolo?
> 
>  **[4:45pm] edgelord™:** he’s ﬁne
> 
>  **[4:46pm] (bi)tter:** ﬁne or _ﬁiiiiiiine_
> 
>  **[4:47pm] edgelord™:** im working, bye
> 
>  **[4:47pm] (bi)tter:** what have i done to deserve this
> 
>  **[4:48pm] edgelord™:** i have an alphabetized list under my bed
> 
> (OR, keith and lance are little shits, shiro needs a reminder how awesome he is, and matt finally enters the chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have literally no idea what i'm doing with this besides projecting too much onto lance, sue me
> 
> (bi)tter/beyoncé - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean/halsey - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**halsey > beyoncé**

**[5:43pm] halsey:** lance sweetie, are you and keith okay?  
  
**[5:45pm] beyoncé:** dont say “sweetie”, i feel like you’re gonna drag me through hell  
  
**[5:46pm] beyoncé:** also im currently trying to make things okay stop interrupting  
  
**[5:46pm] halsey:** are you together now?  
  
**[5:47pm] beyoncé:** yes, can i tell you something but like ,,, it’s a secret and you really can’t tell anyone  
  
**[5:48pm] halsey:** is it “really really” or “tell exactly everyone but dont say i told you that really”?  
  
**[5:48pm] beyoncé:** really really REALLY bb  
  
**[5:49pm] halsey:** my lips are sealed  
  
**[5:53pm] beyoncé:** did you ever have someone who you thought you don’t really like but then you upset them and they looked really sad when they saw you and you were like “oops i care about you and i just always want to make you happy”?  
  
**[5:54pm] halsey:** pidge, i didn’t like this little shit at ﬁrst but now i would die for them  
  
**[5:56pm] beyoncé:** well i think i have this with keith but like ,, more? i literally couldn’t breath when i thought that i made him upset with what i said and before that i never cared what i say to him, it was always just “ﬁght with him, make him angry”. but today i felt like shit and when i came to his dorm he looked so sad and fuck allura i don’t want those feelings just take them away  
  
**[5:57pm] halsey:** oh honey but are those feelings bad?  
  
**[5:57pm] beyoncé:** they’re nice and i don’t do well with nice, i don’t want that  
  
**[5:57pm] halsey:** you deserve nice, lance  
  
**[5:58pm] beyoncé:** i have nyma  
  
**[5:58pm] halsey:** she’s not nice  
  
**[5:59pm] beyoncé:** YOU’RE USELESS FJDJDBSJ  
  
**[5:59pm] halsey:** well what do you want me to say?  
  
**[6:01pm] beyoncé:** you’re supposed to say that developing feelings for your friend is stupid and will ruin everything and that im stupid and i should date nyma  
  
**[6:01pm] halsey:** so you want me to lie?  
  
**[6:02pm] beyoncé:** shit i don’t know what i want  
  
**[6:02pm] beyoncé:** just don’t tell anyone  
  
**[6:03pm] halsey:** i won’t, but you can’t run from this  
  
**[6:03pm] beyoncé:** just watch me

* * *

**LITTLE SHITS™**

**_baymax_ added _(bi)tter_**

**[4:12pm] (bi)tter:** JAY-Z CHEATED ON BEYONCE I DISOWNED HIM RIGHT THIS MOMENT

 **[4:13pm] edgelord™:** breaking news: jay-z had a mental breakdown after lance mcclain disowned him  
  
**[4:13pm] lesbean:** BITCH SAY WHAT  
  
**[4:14pm] annoyance:** so you guys are okay, yeah? it’s not awkward anymore?  
  
**[4:14pm] edgelord™:** as good as we can be  
  
**[4:15pm] (bi)tter:** good good BUT BEYONCÉ  
  
**[4:15pm] (bi)tter:** if you have a goddess like that, what more do you need?  
  
**[4:16pm] lesbean:** literally what the fuck, i would sell all of you to be with bey  
  
**[4:16pm] (bi)tter:** same  
  
**[4:17pm] RoboCop:** woah thanks  
  
**[4:17pm] (bi)tter:** okay, i wouldn’t sell hunk  
  
**[4:18pm] baymax:** Love you!!  
  
**[4:20pm] edgelord™:** can someone pick me up from work 2day? my motorbike isn’t working currently as we speak  
  
**[4:20pm] (bi)tter:** what did you do to dante?  
  
**[4:21pm] annoyance:** dante?  
  
**[4:22pm] edgelord™:** ﬁrst of all, i told you im not naming it dante. im not naming it at all. second of all i didnt do anything, something broke and i gave it to the mechanics  
  
**[4:22pm] (bi)tter:** poor dante  
  
**[4:23pm] edgelord™:** i swear to god i will ﬁght you  
  
**[4:23pm] lesbean:** yep, they’re totally okay  
  
**[4:25pm] RoboCop:** keith, did dante break while you were riding it?  
  
**[4:25pm] edgelord™:** DONT CALL IT THAT  
  
**[4:25pm] (bi)tter:** ahhh shiro likes me better  
  
**[4:26pm] RoboCop:** anyway, i can pick you up and we can spend some quality time, brother bonding and stuff  
  
**[4:27pm] edgelord™:** actually rolo said he can drive me but if you wanna spend time together i can tell him to drop me off at yours?  
  
**[4:27pm] (bi)tter:** isn’t rolo this hot guy that works with you?  
  
**[4:28pm] RoboCop:** it’s ﬁne, i just want to see you so he can drop you off anytime  
  
**[4:29pm] edgelord™:** he works with me, yes  
  
**[4:29pm] annoyance:** (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ °)  
  
**[4:30pm] edgelord™:** NO  
  
**[4:30pm] (bi)tter:** why not? he looks good and i think he really likes you  
  
**[4:31pm] RoboCop:** why am i hearing about everything just now? keith, where’s the trust?  
  
**[4:31pm] edgelord™:** there’s nothing to hear about, don’t be annoying  
  
**[4:32pm] annoyance:** sure jan  
  
**[4:32pm] baymax:** Keith, you need to tell us things like that, come on.  
  
**[4:33pm] (bi)tter:** speaking of which, how’s shay? ;-)  
  
**[4:33pm] baymax:** OMG !!!!  
  
**[4:34pm] (bi)tter:** OMG DETAILS  
  
**[4:34pm] edgelord™:** see? attention span of a mosquito  
  
**[4:35pm] (bi)tter:** wait, i will come back to you  
  
**[4:36pm] edgelord™:** no thanks  
  
**[4:36pm] lesbean:** so you like her, hunk?  
  
**[4:37pm] baymax:** I think I want to marry her lowkey.  
  
**[4:37pm] (bi)tter:** DONT SETTLE FOR LOWKEY, HIGHKEY WANT TO MARRY HER  
  
**[4:38pm] lesbean:** thats so amazing oh my  
  
**[4:38pm] RoboCop:** aw im so happy for you, hunk  
  
**[4:39pm] edgelord™:** she that great?  
  
**[4:40pm] baymax:** Well, she’s so down to earth, that’s for one. Two: she’s really smart. I mean, we didn’t talk that much but from what I can tell she’s into nature and stuff, she loves dogs and she’s also beautiful.  
  
**[4:41pm] annoyance:** seems like a perfect match tbh  
  
**[4:41pm] (bi)tter:** I !! AM !! CRYING !!  
  
**[4:42pm] (bi)tter:** fuck im so happy ?? allura has selene, shiro has matt, hunk has shay, pidge has their new drawing tablet, keith has rolo  
  
**[4:42pm] annoyance:** i dont have any tablets lance  
  
**[4:43pm] edgelord™:** IDON T HAVE ANUONE  
  
**[4:43pm] (bi)tter:** pidge, now you do, give it 2 days and it should come. its for the palette :-)  
  
**[4:44pm] RoboCop:** that’s sweet, lance  
  
**[4:44pm] annoyance:** WHAT THE HELL I LOVE YOU BUT YOU DIDNT have to buy me anything for that you idiot  
  
**[4:44pm] (bi)tter:** i know but i wanted to, and thank matt because he told me you’d like it  <3  
  
**[4:45pm] annoyance:** fuck i hate you for making me feel things :-/  
  
**[4:45pm] (bi)tter:** love you too  
  
**[4:45pm] (bi)tter:** back to keith, you don’t like rolo?  
  
**[4:45pm] edgelord™:** he’s ﬁne  
  
**[4:46pm] (bi)tter:** ﬁne or _ﬁiiiiiiine_  
  
**[4:47pm] edgelord™:** im working, bye  
  
**[4:47pm] (bi)tter:** what have i done to deserve this  
  
**[4:48pm] edgelord™:** i have an alphabetized list under my bed  
  
**[4:49pm] (bi)tter:** r00d  
  
**[4:49pm] edgelord™:** read 4:49 √  
  
**[4:50pm] RoboCop:** you both are awful  
  
**[4:51pm] annoyance:** Area Man Sad Because He’s Tired And An Awful Human Being  
  
**[4:51pm] (bi)tter:** stop calling me out  
  
**[4:52pm] lesbean:** im hungry, who wanna hang out?  
  
**[4:52pm] (bi)tter:** im gonna be free in like 10 minutes  
  
**[4:53pm] baymax:** Me too.  
  
**[4:53pm] RoboCop:** im waiting for keith  
  
**[4:54pm] annoyance:** pick me up too, matt says he wants to go with us ??  
  
**[4:54pm] (bi)tter:** take him, i miss my boyfriend  
  
**[4:55pm] RoboCop:** um hello  
  
**[4:56pm] (bi)tter:** you said you’re waiting for keith, go do that  
  
**[4:56pm] RoboCop:** this is homophobia  
  
**[4:57pm] (bi)tter:** IFBDJSJSB I LOVE YOU  
  
**[4:59pm] lesbean:** okie dokie, i will pick you all up in 20 minutes, be ready!!  
  
**[4:59pm] (bi)tter:** is coran coming?  
  
**[4:59pm] lesbean:** wait, ill ask  
  
**[5:03pm] lesbean:** he said yes !! “i miss lance”  
  
**[5:03pm] annoyance:** he was at yours like 3 days ago wtf  
  
**[5:04pm] (bi)tter:** HE LOVES ME AHH  
  
**[5:05pm] annoyance:** sure jan  
  
**[5:05pm] lesbean:** ok ok get ready kids

* * *

**matt > shiro**

**[6:34pm] matt:** how do you survive three teenagers when one of them is lance and another one is a spawn of satan aka my sibling

 **[6:34pm] shiro:** aww i will tell your father you called him a satan  <3  
  
**[6:35pm] matt:** shhhhhhut up takashi  
  
**[6:35pm] matt:** speaking of parents, my mom wants you to come over for dinner as you know, my boyfriend  
  
**[6:37pm] matt:** embarrassing, i know  
  
**[6:38pm] shiro:** no no, i would love to come but what if she doesn’t approve?  
  
**[6:38pm] matt:** are you kidding? my mom loves you and she loves keith  
  
**[6:39pm] shiro:** yeah she loves me as your friend but she might think that a guy with prosthetic arm isn’t good enough for her son  
  
**[6:39pm] matt:** holy shit, i can’t even begin to tell you how many wrong things are in your message  
  
**[6:40pm] matt:** listen, i don’t want to talk about it over the phone. can i come over tonight?  
  
**[6:40pm] shiro:** i will text you once i drive keith back  
  
**[6:41pm] matt:** ﬁne, i love you, yeah? all of you  
  
**[6:42pm] shiro:** i love you too

* * *

**_(bi)tter_ changed the name of the group to “ _shiro’s hypepeople™”_**  
**SHIRO’S HYPEPEOPLE™**

 **[7:00pm] RoboCop:** lance why

 **[7:01pm] (bi)tter:** i may have very accidentally looked over matt’s shoulder today and read a very concerning message you’ve sent him  
  
**[7:01pm] RoboCop:** “accidentally”?  
  
**[7:02pm] edgelord™:** what message?  
  
**[7:02pm] (bi)tter:** never you mind, let’s just say shiro needs a reminder just how awesome he is  
  
**[7:03pm] lesbean:** ok im here and im ready to write poems about shiro  
  
**[7:03pm] RoboCop:** guys, it’s ﬁne, you don’t have to do anything

**_annoyance_ added _the worse holt_ to the conversation**

**[7:04pm] the worse holt:** woah refrain from complimenting me so much  
  
**[7:04pm] annoyance:** shut up and appreciate your boyfriend you egg  
  
**[7:05pm] RoboCop:** oh come on  
  
**[7:05pm] baymax:** Shiro, Lance has your pictures next to his bed.  
  
**[7:06pm] (bi)tter:** True and Shameless  
  
**[7:06pm] RoboCop:** do i wanna know why  
  
**[7:07pm] (bi)tter:** because im in love with you and ive been telling you this for like 4 years now ???  
  
**[7:07pm] the worse holt:** i would get mad but honestly same  
  
**[7:08pm] edgelord™:** what can i say? i love when i ask for a helping hand and shiro just throws his arm at me #justbrothersthing  
  
**[7:08pm] annoyance:** #familygoals  
  
**[7:08pm] RoboCop:** guys stop, please. i feel better now, really  
  
**[7:09pm] lesbean:** shiro, but honestly, you shouldn’t be insecure because you’re the nicest person on earth and that’s all that matters  
  
**[7:09pm] (bi)tter:** also you’re still the best pilot out there, my hero and my role model  
  
**[7:09pm] (bi)tter:** im not being sarcastic now guys i really admire shiro  
  
**[7:10pm] baymax:** I second that!  
  
**[7:10pm] annoyance:** same tbfh  
  
**[7:10pm] the worse holt:** i love him like a lot  
  
**[7:11pm] annoyance:** don’t be gross  
  
**[7:11pm] the worse holt:** there’s nothing gross about our love you gremlin  
  
**[7:12pm] annoyance:** TAKE THAT BACK  
  
**[7:12pm] the worse holt:** YOU TAKE YOURS BACK FIRST

* * *

**keith > shiro**

**[7:15pm] keith:** you okay?

 **[7:15pm] shiro:** of course i am, don’t worry  
  
**[7:16pm] keith:** im here if you ever want to talk. im not good at that but you know  
  
**[7:16pm] shiro:** you’re very good at that, but im really ﬁne. you guys helped me a lot  
  
**[7:16pm] keith:** yeah, lance can be useful sometimes  
  
**[7:17pm] shiro:** you’re so in love that’s sweet  
  
**[7:17pm] keith:** shut up takashi  
  
**[7:18pm] shiro:** i feel us bonding, i feel the love  
  
**[7:19pm] keith:** fuck you

* * *

**SHIRO’S HYPEPEOPLE™**

**[10:48pm] (bi)tter:** can i get uhhhhh a sugar daddy real quick

 **[10:48pm] the worse holt:** im right here  
  
**[10:49pm] annoyance:** he says with his arm wrapped around his boyfriend  
  
**[10:50pm] (bi)tter:** you got a pretty face boi and i would totally Go There if you weren’t so fucking broke  
  
**[10:50pm] RoboCop:** and if he wasnt dating me i assume  
  
**[10:50pm] (bi)tter:** semantics  
  
**[10:51pm] edgelord™:** what you need a sugar daddy for?  
  
**[10:51pm] (bi)tter:** why, you know anyone?  
  
**[10:52pm] edgelord™:** iverson  
  
**[10:52pm] (bi)tter:** ok i need someone to rate my nudes then  
  
**[10:53pm] lesbean:** 10/10  
  
**[10:53pm] (bi)tter:** you haven’t even seen them yet sis  
  
**[10:54pm] lesbean:** don’t need to to know they’re a 10  
  
**[10:55pm] (bi)tter:** that’s my shit, that’s my motherfucking shit right there say it to me and im yours  
  
**[10:55pm] lesbean:** if i wasn’t so gay  
  
**[10:56pm] baymax:** Are you actually considering Iverson?  
  
**[10:56pm] (bi)tter:** a mans gotta eat (and buy the cutest jacket i saw yesterday)  
  
**[10:57pm] RoboCop:** ﬁnd a job lance  
  
**[10:57pm] (bi)tter:** that sounds like a responsibility and i want no part in it  
  
**[10:58pm] edgelord™:** my managers looking for another barista, just throwing it out here  
  
**[10:58pm] (bi)tter:** working with you and The Hot Rolo?  
  
**[10:59pm] baymax:** I still don’t know which one is he.  
  
**[10:59pm] (bi)tter:** ill send you pics  
  
**[11:00pm] edgelord™:** why do you have his pics  
  
**[11:01pm] (bi)tter:** he’s hot, i have an album with pictures of hot people  
  
**[11:02pm] the worse holt:** am i in it  
  
**[11:02pm] (bi)tter:** my longest yeah boy ever  
  
**[11:03pm] lesbean:** and me?  
  
**[11:05pm] (bi)tter:** ok the whole album has over 1000 pictures, sue me. it’s divided into smaller albums and the crown goes to my fave sapphic allura with 326 pics. shiro 83 (because you fuckin need to let me take more pictures ffs), hunk 108, matt 194, pidge 47 (this is offensive, same as shiro smh), selene 2 (allura, im waiting for more conten), the rest is random hot people like rolo or nyma  
  
**[11:06pm] the worse holt:** 194 phew  
  
**[11:06pm] (bi)tter:** i need more  
  
**[11:06pm] the worse holt:** ofc we need to meet up sometime soon  
  
**[11:07pm] edgelord™:** way to boost my self-esteem  
  
**[11:07pm] lesbean:** lance don’t fuck with the poor boy  
  
**[11:07pm] (bi)tter:** yea okay ofc i have an album for you, loser  
  
**[11:08pm] annoyance:** how many pictures? spill this tea  
  
**[11:09pm] (bi)tter:** it’s embarrassing  
  
**[11:10pm] annoyance:** embarrassing is your brand  
  
**[11:12pm] (bi)tter:** 236  
  
**[11:12pm] lesbean:** woooo  
  
**[11:12pm] edgelord™:** wait what  
  
**[11:13pm] RoboCop:** even i don’t have that many pics of him and he’s my brother  
  
**[11:13pm] (bi)tter:** well i mean a lot of it are just Keith Memes okay ﬁght me because im mature enough to admit that keith is fucking hot b y e  
  
**[11:14pm] lesbean:** WOOOOOO  
  
**[11:14pm] annoyance:** omg  
  
**[11:15pm] edgelord™:** wh  
  
**[11:16pm] edgelord™:** what  
  
**[11:16pm] RoboCop:** i think you broke him

* * *

**bilance > kogayne**

**[11:32pm] bilance:** can you tell your manager that i’m gonna drop by tomorrow for a job interview?

 **[11:35pm] bilance:** keeeeiiiiiith  
  
**[11:39pm] bilance:** hey don’t leave me on read that’s r00d  
  
**[11:40pm] kogayne:** yes of course, i will tell him  
  
**[11:41pm] bilance:** thanks !!!!  
  
**[11:42pm] bilance:** also i hope i didn’t make things weird earlier, i mean i know it’s weird to have that many pictures of someone but i was just taking them when we were hanging out and i didn’t even notice how many of them i took and you’re just really pretty i guess and i like taking pictures  
  
**[11:42pm] kogayne:** uh no it’s ﬁne, i mean i have pictures of you too  
  
**[11:43pm] kogayne:** and of the others. just… a lot of pictures of you because y’know  
  
**[11:43pm] kogayne:** you’re kind of pretty too  
  
**[11:44pm] bilance:** kind of pretty too? ahh that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me  
  
**[11:44pm] bilance:** i’ll take it  
  
**[11:45pm] bilance:** listen, shay came over to hunk tonight, is it okay if i hang out at your dorm for a while? i can text someone else if you don’t want to tho  
  
**[11:46pm] kogayne:** you can come, we haven’t ﬁnished yuri on ice yet  
  
**[11:46pm] bilance:** i live for that gay shit  
  
**[11:47pm] kogayne:** i live for yuri plisetsky  
  
**[11:48pm] bilance:** !!!!  
  
**[11:49pm] bilance:** do you want donuts? i can pick them up from the kitchens on my way  
  
**[11:49pm] kogayne:** yeah  
  
**[11:50pm] bilance:** how many  
  
**[11:50pm] kogayne:** just fuck me up  
  
**[11:51pm] bilance:** im weirdly attracted to you when you use memes

* * *

**beyoncé > halsey**

**[11:54pm] beyoncé** : how do i stop ﬂirting with someone  
  
**[11:55pm] halsey:** ﬂirting is your brand tho  
  
**[11:56pm] beyoncé:**  yea but not with keith  
  
**[11:57pm] halsey:** OMGH SCREENS  
  
**[11:58pm] beyoncé:** _[GayShit.jpg attached]_  
  
**[11:58pm] halsey:** that’s some high skilled professional ﬂirtin lemme tell you boy you got it b a d  
  
**[11:59pm]** **beyoncé:** but you know, im kind of sort of dating nyma ??? i mean we haven’t established anything but we’re still going out  
  
**[11:59pm] halsey:** but you said she’s not interested. lance don’t you think she’s playing?  
  
**[11:59pm] beyoncé:** im pretty sure she is, i mean i feel like she calls me when she’s bored and yeah but when we actually are together it’s nice. it’s nice to not be alone, romantically that is  
  
**[12:00am] halsey:** have you considered giving keith a shot? you deserve better than being called when nyma’s bored  
  
**[12:00am] beyoncé:** allura please don’t do this. i like him, okay? a lot. but im not going to ruin everything when we just started to get along. i’d choose friendship over this  
  
**[12:01am] halsey:** i respect that  
  
**[12:01am] beyoncé:**  but  
  
**[12:02am] halsey:** but i think you’re making a mistake  
  
**[12:02am] beyoncé:**  i respect that  
  
**[12:03am] halsey:**  look at us, adulting all over the place  
  
**[12:03am] beyoncé:**  yay we’re like level 2 of adulting, im so proud of us  
  
**[12:04am] halsey:** damn, shiro is level 4  
  
**[12:04am] beyoncé:** yeah but that’s shiro, if you wanna be his friend you just gotta accept he’s better at everything  
  
**[12:04am] halsey:** True

* * *

**kogayne > bilance**

**[12:02am] kogayne:** where you @

 **[12:02am] bilance:** sexting your brother  
  
**[12:03am] kogayne:** knew it  
  
**[12:03am] kogayne:** how can you say that tho is still beyond me  
  
**[12:04am] bilance:** lots of practice, zero shame nor self control  
  
**[12:04am] kogayne:** knew that too  
  
**[12:05am] kogayne:** but rlly where are you? i found a movie we can watch after yoi  
  
**[12:05am] bilance:** im not watching another shitty movie that offends aliens  
  
**[12:06am] kogayne:** they’re out there lance  
  
**[12:06am] bilance:** I KNOW and they wouldn’t appreciate the way they’re portrayed  
  
**[12:07am] kogayne:** says the guy who cries while watching e.t. phone home  
  
**[12:07am] bilance:** you know what, pierce the veil  
  
**[12:08am] kogayne:** yeah, shakira?  
  
**[12:08am] bilance:** put mothman prophecies, it’s better  
  
**[12:09am] bilance:** my hips don’t lie ;-)  
  
**[12:09am] kogayne:** i hate you so much right now  
  
**[12:10am] bilance:** no you don’t  
  
**[12:10am] kogayne:** sure i do  
  
**[12:11am] kogayne:** …but hurry up  
  
**[12:11am] bilance:** you looooove me  
  
**[12:11am] kogayne:** read 12:11 √  
  
**[12:12am] bilance:** ﬁrst of all, Rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it,  
> thanks for all the comments and kudos so far, love u all  
> 


	9. lance's funeral™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[1:45pm] edgelord™:** not my fault you’re almost bald, that’s what you get for laughing at my mullet all the time
> 
>  **[1:45pm] (bi)tter:** I’M NOT FUCKING BALD
> 
> (or, allura braided keith's hair once and lance has Feelings about it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean/princess - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**ROHAN™**

**[2:06pm] lesbean:** GONDOR CALLS FOR AID  
  
**[2:07pm] annoyance:** AND  
  
**[2:07pm] the worse holt:** ROHAN  
  
**[2:07pm] (bi)tter:** WILL  
  
**[2:11pm] edgelord™:** ANSWER yeah im here  
  
**[2:11pm] (bi)tter:** great job, keith. rohan fuckin died  
  
**[2:12pm] RoboCop:** ms rohan ms rohan  
  
**[2:12pm] baymax:** Oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead.  
  
**[2:12pm] edgelord™:** oh my GOD  
  
**[2:14pm] lesbean:** I NEED FUCKING HELP  
  
**[2:14pm] the worse holt:** what’s up princess?  
  
**[2:14pm] lesbean:** im on a date with selene and  
  
**[2:15pm] (bi)tter:** you stuck yourself in the bathroom?  
  
**[2:15pm] edgelord™:** only you lance, only you  
  
**[2:15pm] (bi)tter:** are you implying that our coffee earlier was a date?  
  
**[2:15pm] annoyance:** you two spend awfully lot of time together  
  
**[2:16pm] edgelord™:** im not  
  
**[2:16pm] edgelord™:** that’s not what i  
  
**[2:17pm] lesbean:** I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY ON ME AND I ALREADY SAID I WILL PAY I’M GOING TO DIE  
  
**[2:17pm] RoboCop:** im sure she will understand  
  
**[2:18pm] the worse holt:** why am i even dating you

 **[2:19pm] RoboCop:** what's that supposed to mean  
  
**[2:19pm] the worse holt:** allura, where are you?  
  
**[2:19pm] lesbean:** corans cafe  
  
**[2:20pm] (bi)tter:** ok who’s the closest to castle of lions?  
  
**[2:20pm] annoyance:** im still at school, sorry  
  
**[2:20pm] baymax:** Campus, I’m out.  
  
**[2:20pm] RoboCop:** im at work :/  
  
**[2:21pm] lesbean:** OH MY GOD WHAT KIND OF ROHAN ARE YOU  
  
**[2:21pm] edgelord™:** im kind of nearby  
  
**[2:22pm] lesbean:** THE REAL MVP  
  
**[2:22pm] (bi)tter:** no, he’s not smooth like at all and selene will know  
  
**[2:23pm] edgelord™:** um Rude  
  
**[2:23pm] edgelord™:** but true, also i have no money too so lance im gonna get you in 5  
  
**[2:24pm] (bi)tter:** DO YOU HAVE DANTE  
  
**[2:24pm] edgelord™:** DON’T CALL IT THAT  
  
**[2:24pm] lesbean:** HELP ME

* * *

**ROHAN™**

**[10:43am] (bi)tter:** GUESS WHO GOT A JOB AT MARMORA

 **[10:43am] baymax:** THAT’S MY MAN  
  
**[10:44am] edgelord™:** OH NO PLEASE GOD NO  
  
**[10:44am] RoboCop:** i knew you could do it, lance  
  
**[10:44am] (bi)tter:** fuck off, fall out boy  
  
**[10:45am] edgelord™:** i am going to die  
  
**[10:45am] (bi)tter:** of gayness when i get together with rolo to talk about your ass

**_edgelord™_ left**  
**_RoboCop_ added edgelord™**

**[10:46am] RoboCop:** don’t be rude or i will tell mom  
  
**[10:46am] annoyance:** so you two will spend even more time together, huh?  
  
**[10:47am] (bi)tter:** pidge, my my are you jealous? i told you this weekend is yours and we will watch this loch ness documentary  
  
**[10:48am] annoyance:** it’s not this. but this weekend _is_ mine, it’s just that you guys really do a lot together lately and it’s great but also creepy  
  
**[10:48am] edgelord™:** because you guys are busy a lot whenever lance wants to hang out with you ???? im trying to be nice here  
  
**[10:48am] annoyance:** NOT TRUE  
  
**[10:50am] edgelord™:** sure it is, a week ago lance asked hunk but he was going out with shay, three days ago he wanted to go to the arcade with you but you had stuff with matt and shiro was with you too, and just yesterday allura told lance she doesn’t feel well  
  
**[10:50am] edgelord™:** guess who had time for him all week? which is really sad but also holy shit im a better friend than all of you  
  
**[10:51am] edgelord™:** also we have most classes together so we end at the same time  
  
**[10:51am] (bi)tter:** huh, you’re all so fake i can’t believe this  
  
**[10:52am] baymax:** Oh god, I’m so sorry.  
  
**[10:53am] (bi)tter:** im kidding babe, love u  
  
**[10:53am] edgelord™:** say im a better friend  
  
**[10:56am] (bi)tter:** well, let’s see. when we were at paintball you shot me even tho we were a team because you said and let me quote “there can only be one alpha”. then at the arcade you pushed me off the dance mat because you’re a sore loser and yesterday you ﬂicked my forehead because of my “stupid ass coffee order” but other than that… you were actually there so yeah, you’re a better friend  
  
**[10:56am] the worse holt:** THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE ALPHA  
  
**[10:57am] lesbean:** are we really that awful to you, lance?  
  
**[10:57am] annoyance:** listen, lance is like an overexcited puppy and he needs constant attention so if we really were like that i’d say we fucked up  
  
**[10:57am] (bi)tter:** I’M NOT  
  
**[10:57am] (bi)tter:** although i do love dogs  
  
**[10:58am] edgelord™:** holy shit im a good friend  
  
**[10:58am] RoboCop:** you always were tho  
  
**[10:58am] (bi)tter:** guys let’s be clear, you don’t have to have time for me, i know most of you are in relationships and im happy for you so like ,, i get it and sorry for being annoying  
  
**[10:59am] baymax:** I WANT TO HUG YOU COME TO MY CLASS  
  
**[10:59am] (bi)tter:** and keith you can stop freaking out, you being a good friend is no news to us  
  
**[10:59am] annoyance:** !!!  
  
**[11:00am] edgelord™:** i just  
  
**[11:00am] RoboCop:** we know  
  
**[11:01am] lesbean:** and  
  
**[11:01am] annoyance:** we  
  
**[11:01am] the worse holt:** still  
  
**[11:01am] baymax:** love  
  
**[11:02am] (bi)tter:** lance ;-)  
  
**[11:02am] annoyance:** don’t be a dick  
  
**[11:02am] (bi)tter:** okay yeah keith we love you  
  
**[11:03am] edgelord™:** !!!!!!!!  
  
**[11:03am] (bi)tter:** should i feel bad for knowing it’s his way of saying “me too”?  
  
**[11:03am] lesbean:** nope, we gotta deal with it  
  
**[11:04am] the worse holt:** keith is cute  
  
**[11:04am] (bi)tter:** BUT INCEST IS NOT  
  
**[11:04am] the worse holt:** I’M NOT HIS FAMILY  
  
**[11:05am] annoyance:** but you’re almost married to shiro and keith is shiro's brother therefore you’re keith's brother  
  
**[11:05am] the worse holt:** i do like that logic  
  
**[11:05am] (bi)tter:** not fair, why keith gets the best brothers?  
  
**[11:06am] baymax:** What about Raphael and David?  
  
**[11:06am] (bi)tter:** i don’t know them  
  
**[11:07am] annoyance:** oh come on, you’re still not over this?  
  
**[11:07am] (bi)tter:** they ripped my alien bear in half, pidge. IN HALF  
  
**[11:07am] annoyance:** you know, if you marry keith, shiro and matt will be your brothers too  
  
**[11:08am] RoboCop:** that’s… not how this works  
  
**[11:08am] (bi)tter:** OMG YOU’RE RIGHT  
  
**[11:08am] edgelord™:** excuse me what now  
  
**[11:09am] (bi)tter:** im not saying i will marry you, but it’s nice to have a possibility  
  
**[11:09am] (bi)tter:** also you sound pretty offended. what im not good enough for you?  
  
**[11:09am] edgelord™:** read 11:09 ✓  
  
**[11:10am] (bi)tter:** SHIRO TELL HIM SOMETHING

  
**_RoboCop_ left**

 **[11:11am] edgelord™:** ha  
  
**[11:11am] annoyance:** this is so amusing  
  
**[11:23am] baymax:** GUYS  
  
**[11:23am] baymax:** LANCE JUST WALKED INTO MY CLASS, HUGGED ME, SAID “THAT’S MY MAN” AND WALKED OUT  
  
**[11:24am] the worse holt:** LANCE I LOVE YOU  
  
**[11:24am] lesbean:** WHAT  
  
**[11:26am] baymax:** NO ONE EVEN STARED AT HIM, THE TEACHER LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA LIKE HE’S ON THE OFFICE AND MUTTERS “MCCLAIN” HE LOOKS SO DONE WITH HIS JOB  
  
**[11:26am] edgelord™:** what a fucking moron  
  
**[11:27am] baymax:** We don’t deserve him.  
  
**[11:27am] annoyance:** LANCE IS A WALKING MEME  
  
**[11:28am] (bi)tter:** gotta love my fans

* * *

**bilance > kogayne**

**[1:01pm] bilance:** marry me  
  
**[1:02pm] kogayne:** fuck off  
  
**[1:02pm] bilance:** i take it as a yes, i want shiro as my brother  
  
**[1:02pm] bilance:** he’s body goals, husband goals and family goals, that’s so unfair  
  
**[1:03pm] kogayne:** can i ask you a serious question about shiro?  
  
**[1:03pm] bilance:** you wanna know if im really in love with him  
  
**[1:03pm] kogayne:** how did you know?  
  
**[1:06pm] bilance:** you’re not the ﬁrst person to ask me that, and the answer is no, im not in love with him. i was, when i ﬁrst met him because well he’s gorgeous that for one and two he was always so nice and he never told me im annoying and ahh but then i ﬁgured its more of an admiration than love so yeah  
  
**[1:06pm] bilance:** also it takes a look at my dating record to see i wouldnt do well with shiro's kind of nice  
  
**[1:07pm] kogayne:** does shiro know?  
  
**[1:07pm] bilance:** of course he knows, i usually tell people im in love with that im in love with them  
  
**[1:07pm] kogayne:** he never said anything  
  
**[1:08pm] bilance:** that’s because he’s nice, im not embarrassed or anything, i feel like most of people are in love with shiro  
  
**[1:08pm] kogayne:** i wouldn’t know, i mean i know shiro is amazing but you’re not like…… bad yourself or anything so im just trying to understand this whole ‘i dont do well with nice’ thing because allura said something one time we were hanging out and i actually wanted to ask why you always date assholes  
  
**[1:09pm] bilance:** Excuse Me, did you hang out with allura all on your own?  
  
**[1:09pm] kogayne:** is that all you got from my message? also yes, she braided my hair  
  
**[1:10pm] bilance:** WHAT THEFUC K I NEED PICTURES  
  
**[1:10pm] kogayne:** will you answer my question ﬁrst?  
  
**[1:10pm] bilance:** I DATE ASSHOLES BECAUSE ONLY ASSHOLES PAY ATTENTION TO ME  
  
**[1:10pm] bilance:** NOW PICS  
  
**[1:12pm] kogayne:** that’s a fucking stupid ass reason and im not giving you any pictures  
  
**[1:12pm] bilance:** WhAt THIS IS BIPHOBIA I’M TEXTING ALLURA

* * *

  **keith > princess**

 **[1:13pm] keith:** don’t give lance any pictures  
  
**[1:15pm] princess:** what

* * *

**beyoncé > halsey**

**[1:14pm] beyoncé:** IN EEED PICTURES OF KEITH WITH BRAIDED HAIR IT’S FOR SCIENCE  
  
**[1:18pm] halsey:** oh so that what’s it was about  
  
**[1:18pm] halsey:** keith told me to not give you any pictures  
  
**[1:19pm] beyoncé:** WHAT A DICK  
  
**[1:19pm] beyoncé:** but i bought your favorite marshmallows and i can give you them today  
  
**[1:21pm] halsey:** _[4 images attached]_ take this gay away  
  
**[1:22pm] beyoncé:** OHMYGOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME HE LOOKS LIKE THAT WITH A LITTLE BRAID ON TE SIDE OF HIS HEAD AND HE DOESN’T WEAR HIS HAIR LIKE THST EVERYDAY WHAT A WASTE OF PERFECTLY GOOD HAIR WHAT THE HELL  
  
**[1:22pm] beyoncé:** MY GAY IS YODELLING RIGHT NOW  
  
**[1:23pm] halsey:** i will give u a few more minutes my child  
  
**[1:23pm] beyoncé:** allura he’s so pretty i don’t know if i want to punch him or give him kisses  
  
**[1:24pm] halsey:** mmmmmmMmMmMMmmMmmMMMMMmm kinky  
  
**[1:24pm] beyoncé:** being bi is too hard, people are too fucking hot i want a refund  
  
**[1:25pm] halsey:** i have new pictures of selene if you want to see  
  
**[1:25pm] beyoncé:** MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE BEEN GIVING AND NOW I GET TO RECEIVE

* * *

**LANCE’S FUNERAL™**

**[1:34pm] baymax:** dearly bruhloved, we are swaggered here today because somebody [glares at the cofﬁn] couldn’t stay alive.  
  
**[1:34pm] annoyance:** lance we all know you wrote this  
  
**[1:35pm] RoboCop:** why is lance dead  
  
**[1:35pm] the worse holt:** ms lance ms lance

**_annoyance_ changed the name of the group to _“oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead™”_**

**[1:37pm] baymax:** Allura sent him new pictures of Selene.  
  
**[1:37pm] edgelord™:** oh yeah, that would do it  
  
**[1:38pm] lesbean:** and keith i also sent pictures of keith  
  
**[1:39pm] edgelord™:** after i told you not to? smh i thought gays stick together you fake lesbian  
  
**[1:39pm] lesbean:** DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING FIGHT YOU BOI  
  
**[1:40pm] (bi)tter:** ok can we talk about how keith is literally wasting his hair for the mullet while he can look like a princess in braids? _[BraidKeith.jpg attached]_  
  
**[1:40pm] baymax:** That’s so pretty!  
  
**[1:41pm] edgelord™:** im gonna take this half-assed compliment thank you very much  
  
**[1:42pm] the worse holt:** boi is that a french braid? allura did this?  
  
**[1:42pm] lesbean:** you want me to teach you how?  
  
**[1:43pm] the worse holt:** hell yea  
  
**[1:44pm] (bi)tter:** it’s not a half-assed compliment you dickhead it’s a full-ass compliment and im suddenly jealous of your hair bc i can’t have braids like that  
  
**[1:45pm] annoyance:** this is a really aggressive ﬂirting  
  
**[1:45pm] edgelord™:** not my fault you’re almost bald, that’s what you get for laughing at my mullet all the time  
  
**[1:45pm] (bi)tter:** I’M NOT FUCKING BALD

**_edgelord™_ left**

**[1:46pm] (bi)tter:** keith is blockedt™  
  
**[1:47pm] the worse holt:** you’re so salty  
  
**[1:47pm] the worse holt:** i love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear im going somewhere with this, just give me time  
> 


	10. hunk's hitmen™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[3:06pm] takashit:** shouldn’t you be doing something too?
> 
>  **[3:06pm] matt:** thace kicked me out when i said that mothman is real
> 
>  **[3:07pm] matt:** i was just reading out loud a reminder keith had sent me, i have your brother to thank for that ugh what have i thought marrying into this family?
> 
> (or, matt and shiro are disgustingly in love, keith and matt get competitive and keith is The Best Brother)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is i, your bitch who keeps projecting onto lance, thanks for dealing with me  
> someone asked if i have a specific day on which i update this and i tried to think if i could do this but deadlines are my fuckin weakness so i decided that im just gonna post when i finish another chapter but i'll try to do this at least once a week
> 
> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean/princess - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**kogayne > bilance**

**[2:03pm] kogayne:** unblock me  
  
**[2:04pm] bilance:** no  
  
**[2:04pm] kogayne:** unblock me  
  
**[2:04pm] bilance:** no  
  
**[2:05pm] kogayne:** unblock me  
  
**[2:05pm] kogayne:** unblock me  
  
**[2:05pm] kogayne:** unblock me  
  
**[2:05pm] kogayne:** unblock me  
  
**[2:06pm] kogayne:** UNBLOCK ME  
  
**[2:06pm] bilance:** JESUS CHRIST FINE JUST SHUT UP  
  
**[2:07pm] kogayne:** :)  
  
**[2:07pm] bilance:** fuck off with this passive aggressive shit  
  
**[2:07pm] kogayne:** :(  
  
**[2:08pm] bilance:** oh my GOD

* * *

**SPACE BABES™**

**[11:25am] annoyance:** can we go more than one day without lance changing the name of this gc  
  
**[11:26am] edgelord™:** lance you nailed one simulation today, that doesn’t make you a space babe  
  
**[11:26am] the worse holt:** YOU NAILED IT? I’M SO PROUD OMG  
  
**[11:27am] (bi)tter:** THANK YOU DAD  
  
**[11:28am] (bi)tter:** also the name isn’t for me, it’s for allura because her beauty is out of this world  
  
**[11:28am] annoyance:** smooth fucker  
  
**[11:29am] lesbean:** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LANCE WHAT THE HELL  
  
**[11:35am] baymax:** I’m hurt.  
  
**[11:35am] (bi)tter:** who hurt you? i’ll hurt them back  
  
**[11:35am] edgelord™:** !!!!  
  
**[11:38a** **m] baymax:** Okay, so this one kid from my class found out I’m pansexual and he kept talking about how this isn’t even a thing and that I’m just looking for attention and can’t make up my mind, just like bi people. And that if I want to be fucking gay then I should just say so instead of making up sexualities. And I feel like shit now because he simultaneously insulted me and Lance and I couldn’t even say anything because I was afraid I’ll start crying.  
  
**[11:39am] RoboCop:** tell me the name, i’ll take care of this  
  
**[11:39am] the worse holt:** shiro if you’re planning murder im in  
  
**[11:40am] annoyance:** wasn’t garrison supposed to be a school for geniuses? why the fuck do we have so many stupid fucking morons here?  
  
**[11:41am] lesbean:** hunk baby im so sorry it happened to you, we all know that bi and pan people go through so much shit and you honestly don’t deserve this, your sexuality is valid and i really hope you know that  
  
**[11:42am] baymax:** I know. It’s just… It’s always bad to hear something like that. But I embrace my sexuality and I know that people who are important to me accept me, too, so that’s enough for me. I’m trying to stay positive.  
  
**[11:42a** **m] RoboCop:** that’s the spirit!!

 **[11:43am] annoyance:** did you guys notice how quiet keith and lance are?  
  
**[11:43am] the worse holt:** oh no

* * *

**bilance > kogayne**

**[11:40am] bilance:** hunk told me the name of this asshole  
  
**[11:40am] kogayne:** meet me in the common room in 5 minutes

* * *

**HUNK’S HITMEN™**

**[12:53pm] RoboCop:** SUSPENDED  
  
**[12:53pm] RoboCop:** what am i gonna tell mom, keith?  
  
**[12:54pm] edgelord™:** that sometimes you need to drag a bitch with your hands  
  
**[12:54pm] (bi)tter:** hell yea  
  
**[12:54pm] baymax:** I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH  
  
**[12:55pm] annoyance:** i can’t believe this  
  
**[12:56pm] edgelord™:** we didn’t even do anything tho, i mean i might have punched the guy once but  
  
**[12:56pm] (bi)tter:** twice, it was beautiful  
  
**[12:57pm] lesbean:** that’s what you get for messing with hunk  
  
**[12:57pm] the worse holt:** good teamwork  
  
**[12:58pm] RoboCop:** STOP ENCOURAGING THEM DAMMIT  
  
**[12:58pm] the worse holt:** shiro come on, come one shiro  
  
**[12:59pm] the worse holt:** come on takashi  
  
**[12:59pm] RoboCop:** yeah okay the kid had it coming ugh i hate you all  
  
**[1:00pm] annoyance:** VICTORY  
  
**[1:00pm] (bi)tter:** WE WON SHIRO OVER  
  
**[1:01pm] RoboCop:** SHUT UP

* * *

**matt > takashit**

**[3:01pm] matt:** come be in love with me  
  
**[3:03pm] takashit:** im in the middle of a scientiﬁc research with ulaz, can’t i be in love with you from a lab above yours?  
  
**[3:04pm] matt:** we’re sciencers, we can take breaks whenever we want  
  
**[3:04pm] matt:** *scientists  
  
**[3:05pm] takashit:** sciencers  
  
**[3:05pm] matt:** not my ﬁnest moment  
  
**[3:06pm] takashit:** shouldn’t you be doing something too?  
  
**[3:06pm] matt:** thace kicked me out when i said that mothman is real  
  
**[3:07pm] matt:** i was just reading out loud a reminder keith had sent me, i have your brother to thank for that ugh what have i thought marrying into this family?  
  
**[3:07pm] takashit:** Oh mY gOd Did I MiSs oUr WeDdInG  
  
**[3:08pm] matt:** no, i married keith  
  
**[3:08pm] takashit:** r00d  
  
**[3:08pm] matt:** i can’t believe all your friends think you’re normal  
  
**[3:09pm] matt:** shiro  
  
**[3:09pm] matt:** tell me this loud explosion wasn’t from your lab  
  
**[3:10pm] matt:** takashi shiro shirogane  
  
**[3:12pm] matt:** SHIIIIIROOOO  
  
**[3:13pm] takashit:** ulaz kicked me out  
  
**[3:14pm] matt:** ahh  
  
**[3:14pm] matt:** wanna grab something to eat?  
  
**[3:15pm] takashit:** sounds good  
  
**[3:15pm] takashit:** but, about being married to my brother  
  
**[3:15pm] matt:** shut up takashi

* * *

**LANCE RULEZ™**

**[11:18pm] annoyance:** that’s it, im hacking into your phone and leaking your nudes  
  
**[11:19pm] (bi)tter:** calm down, if you want my nudes all you have to do is ask nicely  
  
**[11:19pm] the worse holt:** im asking nicely  
  
**[11:20pm] RoboCop:** excuse me what now  
  
**[11:20pm] (bi)tter:** okay guys let’s get down to business  
  
**[11:21pm] baymax:** To defeat the huns?  
  
**[11:21pm] (bi)tter:** tell your moms to adopt me  
  
**[11:21pm] baymax:** On it.  
  
**[11:22pm] (bi)tter:** no but seriously, my sister gave me three tickets to see  
  
**[11:22pm] edgelord™:** A MARCHING BAND  
  
**[11:22pm] (bi)tter:** years  & years  
  
**[11:23pm] (bi)tter:** what the fuck keith you emo bitch  
  
**[11:24pm] the worse holt:** YEARS AND YEARS WHAT THE HELL I THOUGHT IT’S SOLD OUT  
  
**[11:26pm] (bi)tter:** it is but my sister got the tickets earlier but there’s paramore concert at the same time and she wants to go so she gave me her tickets and ,, i promised allura one and i wanted to take hunk but he said  
  
**[11:26pm] edgelord™:** SON WHEN YOU GROW UP WOULD YOU BE THE SAVIOR OF THE BROKEN  
  
**[11:26pm] (bi)tter:** i will fucking block you again  
  
**[11:27pm] annoyance:** you’re making this too easy for him  
  
**[11:27pm] (bi)tter:** my phone keeps twitching  
  
**[11:28pm] (bi)tter:** anyways, hunk said he doesn’t really want to go so i have one spare ticket and i didn’t know which one of you ask so hunk decided i should make a competition  
  
**[11:29pm] edgelord™:** it’s getting interesting  
  
**[11:29pm] the worse holt:** im gonna win anyway  
  
**[11:29pm] RoboCop:** you go boyfriend!  
  
**[11:30pm] annoyance:** gross  
  
**[11:31pm] (bi)tter:** hunk made questions about me and whoever answers the most correctly, wins the ticket  
  
**[11:31pm] baymax:** It’s only fair.  
  
**[11:32pm] annoyance:** im out, i don’t even listen to them so im gonna give others a chance because i would absolutely wipe the ﬂoor with them  
  
**[11:32pm] (bi)tter:** it warms my heart that you know so much about me  
  
**[11:33pm] annoyance:** it’s because you never shut up  
  
**[11:33pm] (bi)tter:** <3  
  
**[11:34pm] RoboCop:** i know how much matt wants to go so i will just try to help him win  
  
**[11:34pm] (bi)tter:** you guys are so boring, should i just give the ticket to matt?  
  
**[11:34pm] the worse holt:** YES  
  
**[11:34pm] edgelord™:** no i wanna play  
  
**[11:35pm] the worse holt:** YOU DON’T EVEN LISTEN TO THEM YOU PIECE OF SHIT  
  
**[11:35pm] RoboCop:** while i understand the enthusiasm can you please don’t call my brother that  
  
**[11:35pm] the worse holt:** no  
  
**[11:35pm] edgelord™:** i like winning  
  
**[11:36pm] the worse holt:** i will destroy you and make you cry  
  
**[11:36pm] RoboCop:** MATTHEW HOLT

 **[11:37pm] annoyance:** that's my brother right there !!  
  
**[11:39pm] baymax:** Okay, question number one. What’s Lance’s favorite color?  
  
**[11:39pm] the worse holt:** blue  
  
**[11:39pm] edgelord™:** blue  
  
**[11:39pm] lesbean:** AQUA  
  
**[11:40pm] (bi)tter:** allura honey you already have the ticket  
  
**[11:42pm] lesbean:** shit sorry, i've just read the rest of the conversation now and i got too excited  
  
**[11:42pm] baymax:** And Allura is right. So no one gets a point.  
  
**[11:43pm] edgelord™:** what the fuck blue is blue  
  
**[11:43pm] the worse holt:** damn  
  
**[11:44pm] baymax:** Question number two. What was the name of Lance’s ﬁrst alien bear?  
  
**[11:44pm] edgelord™:** hulk  
  
**[11:44pm] the worse holt:** yamaguchi  
  
**[11:45pm] baymax:** Keith is right.  
  
**[11:45pm] edgelord™:** HA TAKE THAT  
  
**[11:46pm] the worse holt:** but lance always talks about yamaguchi!  
  
**[11:46pm] RoboCop:** you named an alien bear yamaguchi?  
  
**[11:47pm] annoyance:** it’s because his brothers ripped yamaguchi in half and lance is petty  
  
**[11:47pm] (bi)tter:** this is biphobia  
  
**[11:48pm] baymax:** Question #3: Lance’s favorite album?  
  
**[11:48pm] the worse holt:** LEMONADE

 **[11:48pm] annoyance:** the one with never gonna give you up on it  
  
**[11:48pm] edgelord™:** lemonade  
  
**[11:48pm] edgelord™:** fuck

 **[11:49pm] (bi)tter:** PIDGE SHUT UP  
  
**[11:50pm] baymax:** 1-1! Question #4: Lance’s favorite coffee?  
  
**[11:50pm] the worse holt:** this is so unfair  
  
**[11:50pm] edgelord™:** skinny caramel macchiato because he's a basic bitch  
  
**[11:51pm] (bi)tter:** just for this comment i should take your point away smh  
  
**[11:52pm] edgelord™:** hey don’t cheat  
  
**[11:53pm] baymax:** AND Keith is correct again, so it’s 2-1 now!  
  
**[11:54pm] baymax:** Question #5: Lance says his favorite movie is…  
  
**[11:54pm] the worse holt:** fast and furious 5  
  
**[11:54pm] baymax:** But his actual favorite movie is?  
  
**[11:55pm] edgelord™:** casablanca  
  
**[11:56pm] (bi)tter:** i feel exposed  
  
**[11:56pm] baymax:** It’s 4-3, Keith is winning and we have ﬁve questions left!  
  
**[11:57pm] annoyance:** i feel like hunk is enjoying this the most  
  
**[11:57pm] baymax:** Sure I am!  
  
**[11:58pm] lesbean:** so precious  
  
**[11:59pm] baymax:** Question #6: favorite character from Boku No Hero?  
  
**[11:59pm] the worse holt:** shit i knew this one  
  
**[11:59pm] edgelord™:** fuck we watched few episodes together but  
  
**[12:00am] lesbean:** coran says it’s todoroki you uncultured swines  
  
**[12:00am] RoboCop:** did coran really say uncultured swines  
  
**[12:01am] annoyance:** RECORD HIM  
  
**[12:01am] edgelord™:** damn i knew it  
  
**[12:02am] (bi)tter:** maybe i should just take coran with me, i love this man  
  
**[12:02am] lesbean:** he doesn’t want to repeat it :/  
  
**[12:03am] baymax:** So it’s still 4-3. Question #7: what’s Lance’s fave conspiracy theory?  
  
**[12:03am] the worse holt:** the loch ness one  
  
**[12:03am] (bi)tter:** hell yea ness is beautiful  
  
**[12:04am] baymax:** 4-4. Question #8: what he’s allergic to?  
  
**[12:04am] the worse holt:** tomatoes  
  
**[12:04am] edgelord™:** tomatoes

 **[12:04am] annoyance:** good jokes

 **[12:05am] RoboCop:** being quiet for more than 2 seconds  
  
**[12:06am] baymax:** Matt was faster, 4-5.  
  
**[12:06am] (bi)tter:** i fucking hate all of you  
  
**[12:07am] baymax:** Question #9: who Lance was for Halloween when he was eight?  
  
**[12:07am] edgelord™:** darth vader and his siblings were stormtroopers  
  
**[12:07am] edgelord™:** nailed it

 **[12:07am] annoyance:** jabba the hutt

 **[12:07am] (bi)tter:** PIDGE FUCK OFF YOU BIG BULLY   
  
**[12:08am] the worse holt:** jdbsbakdbrixbsk i hate you keith  
  
**[12:09am] baymax:** It’s 5-5 and the last question. Whoever answers, wins.  
  
**[12:09am] lesbean:** this is exciting  
  
**[12:10am] (bi)tter:** I KNOW  
  
**[12:11am] baymax:** Okay, what scares Lance the most?  
  
**[12:12am] the worse holt:** CLOWNS  
  
**[12:12am] the worse holt:** I WON OMG I’M SEEING YEARS AND YEARS  
  
**[12:13am] (bi)tter:** you guys know so much about me it’s creeping me out  
  
**[12:13am] lesbean:** CONGRATS MATT IT’S GONNA BE A BLAST  
  
**[12:14am] edgelord™:** so close damn  
  
**[12:14am] (bi)tter:** im surprised you knew the answer to any of those questions so like ,, woah  
  
**[12:15am] edgelord™:** fuck off, dua lipa  
  
**[12:15am] (bi)tter:** listen, you me at six  
  
**[12:16am] annoyance:** do you two just look up those names on each other’s spotify or do you actually listen to those artists yourself? im curious  
  
**[12:16am] edgelord™:** spotify  
  
**[12:16am] (bi)tter:** spotify  
  
**[12:17am] baymax:** That’s cute.  
  
**[12:17am] edgelord™:** no it’s not take that back  
  
**[12:18am] (bi)tter:** shut up, kings of leon  
  
**[12:19am] edgelord™:** you shut up, the chainsmokers  
  
**[12:19am] (bi)tter:** YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT  
  
**[12:19am] lesbean:** here we go again

* * *

**shiro > keith**

**[12:20am] shiro:** you knew this last answer, didn’t you?  
  
**[12:20am] keith:** what makes you say that?  
  
**[12:21am] shiro:** because you set the clown from stephen king’s movie as lance’s wallpaper when you found out he’s scared of clowns  
  
**[12:21am] keith:** fair enough  
  
**[12:21am] keith:** but matt was simply faster  
  
**[12:22am] shiro:** you didn’t even try to answer tho  
  
**[12:23am] keith:** are you suggesting that i would let matt win just because it would make him happy and when he’s happy you’re happy?  
  
**[12:23am] shiro:** crazy, right? you hate losing and you wouldn’t do that  
  
**[12:23am] keith:** of course i wouldn’t  
  
**[12:26am] shiro:** thank you  
  
**[12:26am] keith:** yeah yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos guys, it means a lot !!  
> 


	11. ghostbusters™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[1:43pm] (bi)tter:** so im gonna marry either keith or hunk
> 
>  **[1:44pm] baymax:** Like you could win me over, skinny boy.
> 
> (or, lance has a big moment and keith finally comes out of denial because _damn_ it's time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i make this fic only to appreciate every single member of voltron? hell yea absolutely 
> 
> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**GHOSTBUSTERS™**

  
**[1:21pm] (bi)tter:** guys i have no gag reﬂex  
  
**[1:22pm] annoyance:** im sure keith is thrilled  
  
**[1:22pm] RoboCop:** lance it’s only been three days are you that bored already  
  
**[1:23pm] edgelord™:** why would i care about his gag reﬂex  
  
**[1:24pm] lesbean:** keith you sweet innocent thing  
  
**[1:24pm] edgelord™:** OHM Y GOD FUCK OFF  
  
**[1:24pm] (bi)tter:** hello police im being bullied  
  
**[1:24pm] (bi)tter:** also being suspended isn’t as fun as i thought im SO bored  
  
**[1:29pm] baymax:** Guys, I just walked in on Lance trying to shove a remote down his throat.  
  
**[1:29pm] (bi)tter:** YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND WHT WOULD YOU EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT  
  
**[1:32pm] edgelord™:** how far down it went? asking for a friend  
  
**[1:32pm] annoyance:** KEITH  
  
**[1:32pm] lesbean:** KEIRH  
  
**[1:33pm] RoboCop:** KEITH KOGANE  
  
**[1:33pm] the worse holt:** KLANCE  
  
**[1:34pm] baymax:** Um, almost the whole thing, why?  
  
**[1:34pm] (bi)tter:** keith im not sucking your dick  
  
**[1:34pm] baymax:** OH MY GOD  
  
**[1:35pm] edgelord™:** geeeez okay, some friend you are smh  
  
**[1:35pm] RoboCop:** i can’t believe this, im sending screenshots to mom  
  
**[1:36pm] (bi)tter:** NO HOMO  
  
**[1:36pm] lesbean:** if we weren’t all so fucking gay  
  
**[1:36pm] (bi)tter:** speaking of which, guess why hunk came over today  
  
**[1:37pm] edgelord™:** what, like you don’t already spend almost all the time together?  
  
**[1:37pm] (bi)tter:** um Rude  
  
**[1:37pm] the worse holt:** OHM MY GOD LANCE ARE YOU DOING THIS TODAY?  
  
**[1:38pm] (bi)tter:** this is why im gonna marry matt one day, you just wait  
  
**[1:38pm] the worse holt:** !!!!  
  
**[1:39pm] RoboCop:** lance is there anyone in this gc you don’t want to marry?  
  
**[1:39pm] edgelord™:** me  
  
**[1:39pm] annoyance:** me  
  
**[1:40pm] (bi)tter:** wrong AND wrong smh  
  
**[1:40pm] annoyance:** ew fuck off  
  
**[1:41pm] edgelord™:** What and Why  
  
**[1:42pm] (bi)tter:** i would totally marry all of you because we’re already best friends and you guys put up with me so if im still single by thirty im marrying one of you  
  
**[1:42pm] (bi)tter:** well ok maybe not allura and pidge  
  
**[1:42pm] (bi)tter:** and im getting the feeling matt is gonna marry shiro  
  
**[1:43pm] (bi)tter:** so im gonna marry either keith or hunk  
  
**[1:44pm] baymax:** Like you could win me over, skinny boy.  
  
**[1:44pm] lesbean:** HUNK OH MY  
  
**[1:44pm] edgelord™:** dhdbajskrjdbdka im screenshotting this  
  
**[1:45pm] (bi)tter:** can you hear that? this is the sound of my heart shattering  
  
**[1:45pm] baymax:** He just farted.  
  
**[1:45pm] (bi)tter:** DON’T FUCKING EXPOSE ME HUNK  
  
**[1:46pm] annoyance:** hunk is on ﬁre today  
  
**[1:47pm] edgelord™:** better get away from lance then, ﬁre and gas isn’t a good combination  
  
**[1:47pm] the worse holt:** HOLY SHIT  
  
**[1:47pm] (bi)tter:** this is bullying AND biphobic  
  
**[1:48pm] RoboCop:** okay lance tell us why hunk came over  
  
**[1:48pm] (bi)tter:** thank you very much, my new best friend  
  
**[1:49pm] baymax:** Gasp.  
  
**[1:50pm] (bi)tter:** IM GONNA COME OUT TO MY MOM TODAY AND HUNK IS MY MORAL SUPPORT  
  
**[1:50pm] lesbean:** OH MY GOD REALLY  
  
**[1:51pm] edgelord™:** YOU GO LANCE!!!  
  
**[1:51pm] annoyance:** not all heroes wear capes  
  
**[1:52pm] RoboCop:** that’s amazing, good luck lance!!!  
  
**[1:52pm] the worse holt:** I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU KID LIKE WHAT THE FUCK I’M CRYING HERE  
  
**[1:53pm] lesbean:** SAME HOLY SHIT I’M NERVOUS NOW I HOPE IT GOES GREAT  
  
**[1:54pm] lesbean:** i told coran and he said he’s so so proud and he knows you can do this and he’s here for you if you ever need anything  
  
**[1:54pm] baymax:** Coran speaking for all of us, as always.  
  
**[1:54pm] (bi)tter:** fuck mom texted me she’s gonna be home in an hour, im getting nervous  
  
**[1:55pm] (bi)tter:** like what if it’s too much? what if she doesn’t want a son like that?  
  
**[1:55pm] annoyance:** hunk, hit lance for me  
  
**[1:56pm] baymax:** I’m not going to hit him, he already looks like crying. He texted for support, don’t bully him, Pidge.  
  
**[1:56pm] the worse holt:** pidge im telling dad  
  
**[1:57pm] annoyance:** damn i didn’t mean it like that you bunch of dicks  
  
**[1:58pm] annoyance:** lance, you shouldn’t overthink this now. you already thought enough if you decided to come out at all, im sure, so don’t discourage yourself now because you’re doing great  
  
**[1:58pm] annoyance:** here matt take this and shove down your throat  
  
**[1:59pm] the worse holt:** you’re so vulgar for a sixteen year old smh  
  
**[2:00pm] lesbean:** lance, pidge is right. you’ve spent so much time on thinking how to tell your parents and we talked about this a lot, so now all there is is to tell your mom. it’s not your fault if she doesn’t accept you and you can’t do anything about that but you will have this  
  
**[2:01pm] lesbean:** you were brave enough to tell her and that itself is fucking amazing and i love you so much  
  
**[2:02pm] RoboCop:** i was nervous when i was coming out too and i was so sure that my parents won’t accept me because my dad was really strict back then but when i ﬁnally told them, it was amazing and i felt so much better  
  
**[2:03pm] RoboCop:** i can’t guarantee your mom will react the way my did but i can guarantee you’ll feel a hell lot of better  
  
**[2:03pm] edgelord™:** and in the end you always have us, we already know you’re bisexual and plenty stupid so we accept you just ﬁne  
  
**[2:05pm] (bi)tter:** guys i love you all so much, like honestly thank you for being here and taking time to help me, i know you’re all pretty busy but this means so so much to me  
  
**[2:05pm] the worse holt:** we’re always gonna be here for you, my fave human being  
  
**[2:05pm] (bi)tter:** and i can’t believe keith kogane made me laugh just now  
  
**[2:06pm] edgelord™:** i did?  
  
**[2:07pm] annoyance:** KEITH IS SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT HOLY SHIT HE’S IN LOOOOVE WITH LANCE  
  
**[2:07pm] edgelord™:** I’M NOT SMILING  
  
**[2:08pm] annoyance:** LIAR _[KeithGayForLance.jpg attached]_  
  
**[2:09pm] baymax:** Awww, Keith you should smile more.  
  
**[2:09pm] (bi)tter:** should i also tell my mom i have a boyfriend?  
  
**[2:09pm] (bi)tter:** since keith only said he’s not smiling and not that he’s not in love with me  
  
**[2:10pm] edgelord™:** WHSS THE HEKKD  
  
**[2:11pm] annoyance:** he’s short-circuiting djdnajdidnd  
  
**[2:11pm] RoboCop:** leave the poor gay alone  
  
**[2:12pm] edgelord™:** SHIRO YOU POOR EXCUSE OF A BROTHER YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BEAT UP BULLIES FOR ME LIKE A GOOD OLDER SIBLING  
  
**[2:12pm] RoboCop:** matt, you do this for pidge?  
  
**[2:13pm] the worse holt:** well it was usually the other way around tbh  
  
**[2:13pm] annoyance:** im amazing  
  
**[2:14pm] lesbean:** lance bb, coran says that if you’re nervous you can call him and talk ??  
  
**[2:15pm] (bi)tter:** fuck i love him, tell him im calling  
  
**[2:15pm] (bi)tter:** wish me luck losers, i’ll text you once it’s over  
  
**[2:15pm] RoboCop:** good luck  
  
**[2:16pm] lesbean:** good luck beyonce!  
  
**[2:16pm] edgelord™:** GOOD LUCK BOYFRIEND  
  
**[2:17pm] annoyance:** good luck loser  
  
**[2:17pm] (bi)tter:** keith now you’re just hyping me up  
  
**[2:17pm] the worse holt:** I HAVE SCREENSHOTS  
  
**[2:17pm] edgelord™:** IT WAS PIDGE DKDNSK  
  
**[2:18pm] lesbean:** yeah yeah  
  
**[2:18pm] edgelord™:** i hate all of you

* * *

**keith > shiro**

**[2:39pm] keith:** what if it goes wrong?  
  
**[2:39pm] shiro:** what, lance’s coming out?  
  
**[2:41pm] keith:** yeah what if she won’t accept him? i doubt lance will be okay, he loves her so much  
  
**[2:42pm] shiro:** and she loves him equally as much, but if she for some reason won’t be able to accept him, then… well, it will be hard but lance is strong and he doesn’t need anyone’s approval to be great  
  
**[2:43pm] shiro:** and you said so yourself, he will always have us, no matter what  
  
**[2:43pm] keith:** i know, i know. lance is strong but im just nervous for him, it’s weird  
  
**[2:44pm] shiro:** it’s not weird, im sure we all feel the same way. remember when hunk was coming out? one of his moms is pansexual herself and we were still worried as hell  
  
**[2:44pm] keith:** yeah, you’re right. it will be okay  
  
**[2:46pm] shiro:** of course, it’s lance  
  
**[2:47pm] keith:** shiro, what if im  
  
**[2:47pm] shiro:** hm? what if you’re what?  
  
**[2:49pm] keith:** nevermind, it’s not important right now  
  
**[2:50pm] shiro:** whenever you’re ready  
  
**[2:50pm] shiro:** i love you !!  
  
**[2:51pm] keith:** omg don’t be embarrassing  
  
**[2:56pm] keith:** …  
  
**[2:56pm] keith:** me too

* * *

**GHOSTBUSTERS™**

**[3:18pm] baymax:** OHMYGOD GUYS YOU WON’T BELIEVE  
  
**[3:18pm] lesbean:** shit ﬁnally i was a nervous wreck  
  
**[3:18pm] the worse holt:** how did it go?  
  
**[3:19pm] annoyance:** what happened?  
  
**[3:20pm] (bi)tter:** I PANICKED HOLY FUCKING SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THIS AND I’M ALIVE  
  
**[3:20pm] RoboCop:** STORY TIME  
  
**[3:20pm] baymax:** Ok, I’ll tell because Lance is still shaking dksnabdiens  
  
**[3:21pm] baymax:** His mom comes home and is immediately like “Lance, what’s wrong, you sounded serious and you didn’t use any memes”.  
  
**[3:22pm] lesbean:** amazing  
  
**[3:22pm] edgelord™:** i love this woman  
  
**[3:23pm] baymax:** Lance: nothing’s wrong, but sit down because I have something important to tell you.  
  
**[3:25pm] baymax:** Mama McClain: don’t tell me, they actually kicked you out of the Garrison. Your dad is going to have a heart attack.  
  
**[3:26pm] baymax:** Then Lance started to whine about being the best student and all that and then he ﬁnally changed the topic and said he wanted to say this for a long time but he was scared and then he fucking froze, like literally I had to shake him three times and his mom looked on the verge of a breakdown, it was a mess.  
  
**[3:27pm] baymax:** AND then Lance took out his phone and found a picture of a bison.  
  
**[3:27pm] annoyance:** oh no he didn’t  
  
**[3:28pm] (bi)tter:** DAMN STRAIGHT I DID  
  
**[3:28pm] baymax:** There was literally nothing straight about that.  
  
**[3:28pm] lesbean:** he did what  
  
**[3:29pm] baymax:** He asked his mom if she knows what she has in common with the owner of the animal. “You also have a bi son”.  
  
**[3:30pm] edgelord™:** oh my fucking god what a nerd  
  
**[3:31pm] the worse holt:** LANCE YOU FUCKING LEGEND  
  
**[3:31pm] annoyance:** i feel secondhand embarrassment  
  
**[3:33pm] baymax:** His mom started crying, like she had legit tears streaming down her face and Lance almost cried too but then she said “I love you so much but if you come out to dad this way and he will answer in another godawful pun I’m moving out”  
  
**[3:33pm] (bi)tter:** MAMA MCCLAIN ACCEPTED ME  
  
**[3:34pm] edgelord™:** this was wild from start to ﬁnish  
  
**[3:35pm] RoboCop:** this awful pun aside, im really happy for you  
  
**[3:35pm] the worse holt:** I’M STILL SO PROUD  
  
**[3:36pm] (bi)tter:** here’s a picture of me with the most beautiful girl  & hunk photobombing in the background _[MamaMcclain.jpg attached]_  
  
**[3:37pm] lesbean:** adorable little things, i love you all  
  
**[3:37pm] annoyance:** your mom is my role model  
  
**[3:38pm] baymax:** Royal family.  
  
**[3:39pm] edgelord™:** she’s so beautiful and then there’s lance  
  
**[3:40pm] (bi)tter:** meet me in the fucking pit, hollywood undead  
  
**[3:41pm] edgelord™:** give me time and place, lana del rey  
  
**[3:42pm] annoyance:** spoiler alert: they gonna hold hands in the pit

**_annoyance_ left**

**[3:44pm] RoboCop:** keith did you block pidge  
  
**[3:44pm] edgelord™:** i would never  
  
**[3:45pm] (bi)tter:** him, an angel  
  
**[3:45pm] edgelord™:** !!!!

* * *

**keith > shiro**

**[2:12am] keith:** shiro  
  
**[2:12am] keith:** what if im maybe  
  
**[2:12am] keith:** probably  
  
**[2:13am] keith:** really  
  
**[2:13am] keith:** in love with lance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance's coming out was inspired by a tumblr post i read some time ago but i couldn't find it now :-(  
> thank you for reading!  
> 


	12. matt's side hoes™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[6:58pm] edgelord™:** that’s just rude, i have plenty love life
> 
>  **[6:59pm] (bi)tter:** plenty?
> 
>  **[6:59pm] edgelord™:** so many
> 
> (OR, lance just can't stop screaming and shiro wants to ditch his "friends" and eject them to space, probably)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: oh, the last two chapters were updated on wednesdays, maybe i can update this on on a wednesday too  
> also me: updates on friday
> 
> you see my problems with schedules? i wanna fight them  
> also sorry because this chapter is kind of shitty and pointless but so is my life so who cares, there was no plot here to begin with  
> AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR OVER 1000 KUDOS ??? THIS FIC ISN'T WORTHY 
> 
> (bi)tter/lancelot - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance/pidgeon - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**SHIRO > KEITH**

**[2:15am] shiro:** holy shit what happened to your denial?  
  
**[2:16am] keith:** ﬁrst of all Rude  
  
**[2:16am] keith:** im having a little freak out here so get into your Dad mode asap  
  
**[2:18am] shiro:** well what do you want me to do? i mean, this isn’t your big Gay Awakening, you’ve been in love with guys before right?  
  
**[2:18am] keith:** THIS ISN’T SOME RANDOM GUY I WON’T EVER SEE AGAIN, THIS IS LANCE MY FRIEND, PROBABLY BEST FRIEND  
  
**[2:19am] shiro:** calm the hell down the world isn’t ending, im in love with my best friend too and look he’s my boyfriend now  
  
**[2:19am] keith:** we sure know how to pick them huh  
  
**[2:19am] shiro:** we’re so lame  
  
**[2:20am] shiro:** are you gonna tell him?  
  
**[2:20am] keith:** on my deathbed  
  
**[2:20am] shiro:** you know you keep saying lance is the dramatic one but damn boy  
  
**[2:20am] keith:** what if he hates me after i tell him?  
  
**[2:21am] shiro:** he won’t, even if he doesn’t feel the same he won’t hate you because he knows how it is  
  
**[2:21am] keith:** he told me about you, why didn’t you say anything?  
  
**[2:22am] shiro:** it wasn’t my place to talk about it, i didn’t want to invalidate his feelings and im sure he’ll act the same way towards you but you won’t know if you’ll just keep giving him The Gatsby Stare  
  
**[2:23am] keith:** the gatsby stare?  
  
**[2:23am] shiro:** yea when you look at him with heart eyes but from a distance so he won’t notice  
  
**[2:23am] keith:** ……. i don’t have a brother suddenly i don’t know  
  
**[2:24am] shiro:** just tell him, keith  
  
**[2:24am] keith:** maybe  
  
**[2:25am] shiro:** i’ll take it

* * *

**MATT’S SIDE HOES™**

**[5:08am] (bi)tter:** tag yourself im the guy in jurassic park who grabs his margarita before running away from the dinosaurs  
  
**[5:09am] RoboCop:** lance it’s 5am what are you doing up  
  
**[5:09am] (bi)tter:** looking for trouble and if i can’t ﬁnd it i will create it  
  
**[5:10am] RoboCop:** im texting your mom right now  
  
**[5:11am] (bi)tter:** why do you have my mom’s number are you really trying to become my dad  
  
**[5:11am] (bi)tter:** give me your moms number  
  
**[5:12am] RoboCop:** absolutely not  
  
**[5:12am] (bi)tter:** why not? im texting hunks moms and ms holt  
  
**[5:12am] RoboCop:** and you show every parent what are memes and then we all want to Die  
  
**[5:13am] RoboCop:** also i told my mom that thace’s uncle died and she sent me LOL because she thought it means lots of love, you’re not a good teacher  
  
**[5:14am] (bi)tter:** thats really sad but I ADORE THE HELL OUT OF YOUR MOM MAN  
  
**[5:15am] annoyance:** can you both shut the fuck up? us, geniuses, need sleep so our precious brains can function at full speed. not like you knuckleheads would understand  
  
**[5:15am] RoboCop:** is that a way to speak to your father  
  
**[5:16am] (bi)tter:** I’M WHEEZING SLEEP-DEPRIVED SHIRO IS THE BEST SHIRO  
  
**[5:16am] RoboCop:** im not sleep-deprived, i just have work early today because we discovered something fun in the lab  
  
**[5:17am] (bi)tter:** GASP ALIENS  
  
**[5:18am] RoboCop:** for the last time, lance, we don’t hide aliens here  
  
**[5:18am] edgelord™:** I’VE HEARD ALIENS AND I’M HERE  
  
**[5:18am] annoyance:** oh my GOD  
  
**[5:19am] (bi)tter:** well shiro that’s exactly something someone who hides aliens would say  
  
**[5:19am] RoboCop:** i don’t have time for this  
  
**[5:20am] edgelord™:** the aliens can’t wait. are they in area 51?  
  
**[5:20am] RoboCop:** i can’t tell you, nasa would ﬁre me ;)  
  
**[5:21am] edgelord™:** OH MY GOD  
  
**[5:21am] RoboCop:** lance your sister texted me to ask why you’re screaming my name so early  
  
**[5:22am] (bi)tter:** you have my mother’s AND my sister’s numbers? shiro is my father #conﬁrmed  
  
**[5:23am] annoyance:** that’s it, im hacking into your phones  
  
**[5:23am] edgelord™:** jokes on you, i deleted all my nudes  
  
**[5:25am] RoboCop:** LANCE STOP SCREAMING YOUR SISTER WILL HATE MY FAMILY

* * *

**MATT’S SIDE HOES™**

**[6:43pm] edgelord™:** anyway sorry i sound really gay and bitter  
  
**[6:44pm] the worse holt:** im too lazy to scroll up but im sure i relate 100%  
  
**[6:44pm] lesbean:** he was talking about straight couples and their PDA  
  
**[6:45pm] (bi)tter:** like of course it’s okay for straight people to literally stick hands in each other’s pants but god forbid i look at another boy because “kids are here”  
  
**[6:46pm] the worse holt:** i relate 200%  
  
**[6:46pm] annoyance:** lance are you wearing protection while looking at those boys?  
  
**[6:47pm] baymax:** [soccer mom voice] don't push your gay agenda on my kids.  
  
**[6:47pm] edgelord™:** lady, wait a few years and your own kids will push their gay agenda on you  
  
**[6:48pm] lesbean:** hell yea tell’em  
  
**[6:48pm] RoboCop:** wait but why was keith talking about that  
  
**[6:49pm] (bi)tter:** because some chick in our cafe told a gay couple that they shouldn’t be so obvious in front of everyone  
  
**[6:49pm] edgelord™:** they were only holding hands and she said this while her own hand was practically on her boyfriends dick i mean What The Fuck  
  
**[6:50pm] (bi)tter:** keith wanted to spit in her coffee  
  
**[6:50pm] edgelord™:** no, i DID spit in her coffee  
  
**[6:51pm] the worse holt:** WHAT A LEGEND  
  
**[6:51pm] lesbean:** you guys are so Extra™ i can’t believe this  
  
**[6:52pm] (bi)tter:** talking about being Extra™, here’s a picture of rolo and his thirsty ass bitch face when he’s watching keith making coffee _[thirstyassbitch.jpg attached]_  
  
**[6:53pm] edgelord™:** lance what the fuck, do you have too much free time?  
  
**[6:54pm] RoboCop:** are you both at work right now? and you’re texting us?  
  
**[6:55pm] edgelord™:** there’s no one here anyway  
  
**[6:55pm] annoyance:** damn lance give rolo a glass of water, he looks like he needs it  
  
**[6:56pm] lesbean:** keith, did he try to ask you out already?  
  
**[6:56pm] edgelord™:** no and he won’t, can we change the topic  
  
**[6:57pm] lesbean:** well we can always talk about moi  
  
**[6:57pm] (bi)tter:** ehh you’re more interesting than keiths nonexistent love life that much is true  
  
**[6:58pm] edgelord™:** that’s just rude, i have plenty love life  
  
**[6:59pm] (bi)tter:** plenty?  
  
**[6:59pm] edgelord™:** so many  
  
**[6:59pm] (bi)tter:** this is a personal attack on me and i want you dead  
  
**[7:00pm] annoyance:** ??? explain, i wanna attack lance too  
  
**[7:00pm] edgelord™:** the ﬁrst time we were smoking weed together i asked lance if he even did drugs before and he was like “so many” and then tried to drink from the bong  
  
**[7:01pm] (bi)tter:** SHUT IT  
  
**[7:01pm] the worse holt:** so many  
  
**[7:02pm] annoyance:** lance is the biggest fuckin loser in this gc amirite

 ** _annoyance_ changed the name of the group to _Lance McLoser™_**  
**_edgelord™_ changed the name of the group to _Lance McLame™_**

 **[7:04pm] annoyance:** ahh that’s better  
  
**[7:04pm] (bi)tter:** i don’t know why im even friends with you guys  
  
**[7:05pm] lesbean:** because i got you out of detention once by pretending to be your mom  
  
**[7:05pm] the worse holt:** because im the only one who watched all star trek movies and TV shows with you  
  
**[7:06pm] baymax:** Because I would die for you literally any minute of any day.  
  
**[7:06pm] annoyance:** because thanks to me you’re not paying for netﬂix  
  
**[7:07pm] RoboCop:** because i bailed you and keith out of jail one time  
  
**[7:07pm] (bi)tter:** yea probably that  
  
**[7:08pm] baymax:** Out of jail???  
  
**[7:08pm] edgelord™:** don’t listen to him, he’s lying  
  
**[7:09pm] RoboCop:** last christmas they changed the lights on iverson’s house to “loserson” and got caught  
  
**[7:09pm] (bi)tter:** lmao jokes on you, that was iconic  
  
**[7:10pm] the worse holt:** …….. i can’t believe a bunch of kids are my role models  
  
**[7:10pm] baymax:** Why didn’t I know about this?  
  
**[7:11pm] edgelord™:** you were in hawaii with your moms

* * *

**PIDGEON > LANCELOT**

**[7:12pm] pidgeon:** legit question  
  
**[7:12pm] pidgeon:** why aren’t you and keith boyfriends yet?  
  
**[7:13pm] lancelot:** bc he don’t want me  
  
**[7:14pm] lancelot:** which, Rude, im 10/10 on my bad days  
  
**[7:14pm] pidgeon:**  okay, your grammar aside right now...... that the only reason? you asked and he said “i don’t want u”?  
  
**[7:14pm] lancelot:** well i didn’t technically ask but if even you know i like him then how dumb is he?  
  
**[7:15pm] pidgeon:** i didn’t know, you just told me  
  
**[7:15pm] lancelot:** you’re my partner in crime, i would tell you anyway  
  
**[7:16pm] pidgeon:** there’s something so…. soft about you  
  
**[7:17pm] lancelot:** awh i love you too  
  
**[7:18pm] pidgeon:** i know, back to the topic what’s with nyma?  
  
**[7:18pm] lancelot:** she cheated on me  
  
**[7:18pm] pidgeon:** cool  
  
**[7:19pm] pidgeon:** WAIBT DHE DID WHAY  
  
**[7:19pm] lancelot:** pidge bb don’t call me now, im at work  
  
**[7:20pm] pidgeon:** shit sorry i forgot  
  
**[7:20pm] pidgeon:** but the fucking nerve of some people  
  
**[7:21pm] pidgeon:** what do you mean she cheated on you? when and with who and why didn’t you say anything  
  
**[7:21pm] lancelot:** with some guy from her school, like a week ago and because it’s irrelevant  
  
**[7:21pm] pidgeon:** how is that irrelevant? lance what the hell  
  
**[7:22pm] lancelot:** pidge please don’t tell others  
  
**[7:23pm] pidgeon:** like hell i won’t, i can’t break her windows alone  
  
**[7:23pm] lancelot:** PIDGE

* * *

**LANCE MCLAME™**

**[7:25pm] annoyance:** nyma cheated on lance  
  
**[7:25pm] baymax:** WHO DID WHAT NOW  
  
**[7:25pm] (bi)tter:** fuck pidge what did i tell you  
  
**[7:26pm] lesbean:** what’s up my name’s jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read  
  
**[7:26pm] the worse holt:** the fuck she did?  
  
**[7:27pm] (bi)tter:** why do you care more than i do lmao  
  
**[7:27pm] RoboCop:** why don’t you care? that’s awful  
  
**[7:27pm] (bi)tter:** i like someone else anyway  
  
**[7:28pm] annoyance:** can we still break her windows tho  
  
**[7:28pm] the worse holt:** i don’t condone vandalism  
  
**[7:29pm] the worse holt:** but hell yea  
  
**[7:29pm] lesbean:** lance who is the lucky guy?  
  
**[7:29pm] (bi)tter:** why do you think its a guy?  
  
**[7:30pm] baymax:** Well, after Nyma I sure as hell hope it’s a guy.  
  
**[7:30pm] (bi)tter:** you guys know me too well  
  
**[7:31pm] the worse holt:** tell us something about him idjsnabﬁcnsor  
  
**[7:31pm] (bi)tter:** he’s a Nerd but boy am i in love  
  
**[7:33pm] RoboCop:** tell us the name  
  
**[7:33pm] RoboCop:** or the ﬁrst letter  
  
**[7:34pm] (bi)tter:** im sorry are we in ﬁfth grade  
  
**[7:34pm] the worse holt:** shiro is six years old so  
  
**[7:35pm] RoboCop:** im 25 shut the fuck up  
  
**[7:35pm] the worse holt:** no you’re not, he was born on february 29th  
  
**[7:36pm] annoyance:** SHIRO IS YOUNGER THAN ME IM HAVING A FUCKING FIELD DAY  
  
**[7:36pm] (bi)tter:** pidge don’t swear around a baby  
  
**[7:37pm] RoboCop:** i hate you all so much  
  
**[7:38pm] baymax:** Do you want a lollipop, kiddo?  
  
**[7:38pm] RoboCop:** HUNK I TRUSTED YOU  
  
**[7:39pm] edgelord™:** did i miss something important? im too lazy to scroll up  
  
**[7:40pm] the worse holt:** nyma cheated on lance but it’s okay because he likes a Cute Boy and shiro is only six years old so we can’t swear around him  
  
**[7:40pm] RoboCop:** I’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU  
  
**[7:43pm] edgelord™:** this gc is a fucking train wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith is right, this whole fic is a train wreck  
> i don't know how many more chapters and i'm sorry if this is just getting worse but i'm not feeling very good and i didn't want to completely abandon this, so it is how it is. i hope the next ones will be better  
> also i feel kind of bad for making such a bitch out of nyma because i actually really like her so like ,, sorry


	13. angelica schuyler can step on me™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[3:31pm] (bi)tter:** EVERYBODY STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING HOLY SHIT KEITH WAS ABDUCTED
> 
>  **[3:31pm] RoboCop:** damn and i told him that banging two pots together in a corn ﬁeld was Too Much
> 
>  **[3:32pm] edgelord™:** what the hell shiro i was eleven and shut the fuck up lance
> 
> (or, lance and keith go on a date but they don't know yet, and this time it's keith who's done with them all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there demons its me ya boy  
> i'm at this point where i don't even care if this fic seems ooc ?? like, i just have so much fun writing these characters the way i do so forgive me if it seems unrealistic, i love my kids
> 
> (bi)tter - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**BILANCE > KOGAYNE**

**[2:04am] bilance:** keef you emo bitch i’m having an existential crisis and i know you’re the only person who’s awake now  
  
**[2:08am] bilance:** okay im sorry for calling you that, don’t ignore me  
  
**[2:09am] kogayne:** ok now im willing to listen even tho it’s 2 fucking am  
  
**[2:10am] bilance:** were you watching buzzfeed unsolved  
  
**[2:10am] kogayne:** not your damn business  
  
**[2:11am] bilance:** um rude now i don’t want to talk to you  
  
**[2:11am] kogayne:** YOU TEXTED ME FIRST YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCK  
  
**[2:12am] bilance:** don’t speak to me in that tone of text  
  
**[2:12am] kogayne:** read 2:12 ✓  
  
**[2:13am] bilance:** okay ﬁne smh  
  
**[2:14am] bilance:** can i get emotional for like two seconds? i promise it’ll be short  
  
**[2:14am] kogayne:** why do you ask weird ass questions  
  
**[2:15am] bilance:** because i know you don’t like Feelings and when people are sad around you  
  
**[2:15am] bilance:** well technically im not around you but still  
  
**[2:15am] kogayne:** are you sad?  
  
**[2:15am] bilance:** not important, i wanted to ask you something  
  
**[2:16am] kogayne:** come on lance, drop the bullshit. i don’t like Feelings but you’re my friend and i can talk about it if you want  
  
**[2:16am] bilance:** do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?  
  
**[2:18am] kogayne:** oh, um not good enough for what?  
  
**[2:19am] bilance:** like ,, just in general, i guess? like you’re just disappointing everyone and you’re trying so hard but you’re still fucking up and  
  
**[2:20am] bilance:** this sounds pathetic, im sorry  
  
**[2:20am] kogayne:** no, where did that come from? did someone tell you something?  
  
**[2:21am] bilance:** no no, i was just  
  
**[2:21am] bilance:** i couldn’t sleep and i thought about things  
  
**[2:21am] bilance:** do you know why i hated you when we ﬁrst met?  
  
**[2:22am] kogayne:** because of my hair?  
  
**[2:24am] bilance:** no, you stupid little thing, your hair wasn’t that long back then and i really liked it  
  
**[2:24am] bilance:** not that i don’t like your hair now  
  
**[2:25am] bilance:** ANYWAY  
  
**[2:26am] bilance:** i hated you because you were better than me, i was trying so so hard to do anything and you just came to the garrison and effortlessly beat me at everything  
  
**[2:26am] bilance:** i was just jealous and im sorry that i was a dick back then  
  
**[2:26am] kogayne:** lance you absolute fucking idiot,  
  
**[2:27am] bilance:** i deserved that one  
  
**[2:27am] kogayne:** no, shut up  
  
**[2:29am] kogayne:** shiro told me that it’s wrong to invalidate someone’s feelings, so im not gonna do that and say you shouldn’t feel insecure. im sure there was someone or something that made you feel this way, but if it was me then im so sorry ??? you’re one of the most amazing people i know and im not better than you at all, you’re a good pilot, and you’re absolutely enough lance and im 100% sure no one is disappointed in you, if anything your family must be so fucking proud  
  
**[2:31am] kogayne:** of course sometimes i feel like im not good enough, for fucks sake my own family didn’t want me but now i know it wasn’t my fault and i don’t let people tell me otherwise so don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not good enough  
  
**[2:31am] kogayne:** i already planned how to kill you in space in case they ever send us there together so you can’t give up on ﬂying now just because you think someone is better, there will always be someone better but it’s just another person to beat, yeah?  
  
**[2:33am] bilance:** “i already planned how to kill you in space in case they ever send us there together so you can’t give up on ﬂying now” fuck keith is it weird that it motivated me more than anything ive ever heard  
  
**[2:33am] bilance:** have i ever told you that you’re like ,,, iwaizumi to my oikawa?  
  
**[2:34am] kogayne:** when have i ever headbutted you  
  
**[2:34am] bilance:** like three weeks ago? anyway i mean that you’re just so aggressively supportive and it’s kind of nice  
  
**[2:34am] kogayne:** iwaizumi and oikawa are best friends tho  
  
**[2:35am] bilance:** *boyfriends i don’t accept anything else  
  
**[2:35am] bilance:** but aren’t we? best friends, i mean  
  
**[2:35am] kogayne:** i don’t know, are we?  
  
**[2:35am] bilance:** well, let’s see. we watch an unhealthy amount of anime together, we actually can stand being in one room together for longer than twelve hours, we do fun things, we already saw each other naked, and you provide moral support when needed  
  
**[2:36am] bilance:** yeah, we are best friends  
  
**[2:36am] kogayne:** that’s cool  
  
**[2:36am] bilance:** cool cool cool cool cool  
  
**[2:37am] kogayne:** shut up peralta  
  
**[2:37am] bilance:** we’re deﬁnitely best friends  
  
**[2:38am] kogayne:** did you know it’s a meteor shower night?  
  
**[2:38am] bilance:** yep i was listening to sleeping at last and watching it  
  
**[2:39am] bilance:** wanna sneak out and drive out of the city to watch the stars? i can take my sister’s car  
  
**[2:40am] kogayne:** what will kill us faster? a meteor or your driving?  
  
**[2:41am] bilance:** ha ha you’re so hilarious  
  
**[2:41am] bilance:** im gonna stuff all gummy bears in my mouth instead of giving them to you  
  
**[2:41am] bilance:** and i bought the red ones  
  
**[2:42am] kogayne:** LANCE YOU BITCH THE RED ONES ARE ALWAYS MINE WE HAD A DEAL  
  
**[2:42am] bilance:** read 2:42 ✓  
  
**[2:43am] kogayne:** fuck ﬁne  
  
**[2:44am] kogayne:** lance, the best driver in the entire universe, Master of The Wheel, can you come pick me up  
  
**[2:44am] bilance:** im on my way :D  
  
**[2:45am] kogayne:** oooh and take sleeping at last album  
  
**[2:46am] bilance:** got u

* * *

**KEITH > SHIRO**

**[4:12am] keith:** shiro im gay im so gay and lance looks so pretty when he’s sleepy  
  
**[4:16am] shiro:** before 6am i don’t have a brother, get lost keith  
  
**[4:16am] keith:** im telling mom  
  
**[6:52am] shiro:** okay what’s this about lance?  
  
**[6:52am] keith:** not to be extra but i want to love and support him  
  
**[6:53am] shiro:** holy shit, like two days ago you didn’t even want to admit you like him  
  
**[6:54am] keith:** my feelings are like ﬁne wine, bottled up for so long and then they can kill if opened incorrectly  
  
**[6:54am] shiro:** boy, you’re so precious  
  
**[6:55am] shiro:** you need to tell him  
  
**[6:55am] keith:** but he said he likes someone already  
  
**[6:56am] shiro:** maybe he likes you  
  
**[6:56am] keith:** that would be fan service  
  
**[6:57am] shiro:** i hate you so much  
  
**[6:57am] keith:** i can feel us bonding, i feel the love  
  
**[6:58am] shiro:** DON’T THROW MY WORDS AT ME, MISTER  
  
**[6:59am] keith:** love u

* * *

**ANGELICA SCHUYLER CAN STEP ON ME™**

**[3:02pm] the worse holt:** MONSIEUR HAMILTON  
  
**[3:02pm] (bi)tter:** MONSIEUR LAFAYETTE  
  
**[3:03pm] annoyance:** not again  
  
**[3:03pm] the worse holt:** IN COMMAND WHERE YOU BELONG  
  
**[3:04pm] (bi)tter:** HOW YOU SAY NO SWEAT  
  
**[3:04pm] the worse holt:** WE’RE FINALLY ON THE FIELD WE’VE HAD QUITE A RUN  
  
**[3:05pm] (bi)tter:** IMMIGRANTS  
  
**[3:05pm] the worse holt:** WE GET THE JOB DONE  
  
**[3:05pm] edgelord™:** WE GET THE JOB DONE  
  
**[3:05pm] baymax:** WE GET THE JOB DONE  
  
**[3:05pm] RoboCop:** WE GET THE JOB DONE  
  
**[3:05pm] lesbean:** WE GET THE JOB DONE  
  
**[3:05pm] annoyance:** WE GET THE JOB DONE  
  
**[3:06pm] (bi)tter:** jjajridbskajd i love this squad  
  
**[3:06pm] (bi)tter:** even pidge !!!!!  
  
**[3:07pm] annoyance:** well you know what they say, if u can’t beat them join them  
  
**[3:09pm] lesbean:** guys dudes dudettes and lads in between what are we doing this weekend  
  
**[3:09pm] (bi)tter:** partying super hard  
  
**[3:10pm] lesbean:** netﬂix, blanket fort and hot chocolate?  
  
**[3:10pm] (bi)tter:** ya pretty much  
  
**[3:11pm] edgelord™:** lmao fucking losers  
  
**[3:11pm] lesbean:** so you don’t wanna come?  
  
**[3:12pm] edgelord™:** …..  
  
**[3:12pm] edgelord™:** i didn’t say that  
  
**[3:13pm] baymax:** Can I invite Shay? She wanted to meet you guys.  
  
**[3:13pm] (bi)tter:** OF COURSE YOU CAN, NEED US A POWER COUPLE LIKE THAT  
  
**[3:14pm] annoyance:** lance is in a supportive best friend mode  
  
**[3:14pm] (bi)tter:** i love u too  
  
**[3:15pm] annoyance:** yeah yeah  
  
**[3:15pm] lesbean:** actually i wanted to invite selene too if that’s okay  
  
**[3:16pm] (bi)tter:** so many queens in one room how will we survive  
  
**[3:16pm] edgelord™:** im glad im gay  
  
**[3:16pm] RoboCop:** !!!!  
  
**[3:17pm] annoyance:** wait but if everyone is coming with dates then what am i gonna do  
  
**[3:17pm] edgelord™:** um im coming ??  
  
**[3:17pm] annoyance:** yeah but lance is coming too  
  
**[3:18pm] (bi)tter:** you know im in such good mood im not gonna argue with you  
  
**[3:18pm] the worse holt:** damn lance how pretty was this person that got you in this mood?  
  
**[3:19pm] (bi)tter:** 10/10  
  
**[3:19pm] lesbean:** WHO  
  
**[3:20pm] edgelord™:** lance we were together the whole time who did you see and didn’t tell me you basic bitch  
  
**[3:20pm] (bi)tter:** I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU YOU LITTLE UNGRATEFUL SHIT I’M SO SICK OF THIS SLANDER  
  
**[3:21pm] annoyance:** ICAN T BEKIVR THIS  
  
**[3:22pm] baymax:** Holy shit, now this is the content I’m here for.  
  
**[3:22pm] edgelord™:** oh  
  
**[3:23pm] RoboCop:** OH IS RIGHT KEITH  
  
**[3:23pm] lesbean:** so……. Soft  
  
**[3:24pm] (bi)tter:** ANYWAY the rule is: no gross coupley things during our movie night, okay?  
  
**[3:24pm] lesbean:** that’s fair  
  
**[3:25pm] the worse holt:** damn and i wanted to kiss you lance  
  
**[3:25pm] (bi)tter:** on second thought  
  
**[3:26pm] RoboCop:** sit down mcclain, you have keith  
  
**[3:26pm] edgelord™:** I’M BEING BULLIED BY MY OWN BROTHER  
  
**[3:27pm] annoyance:** i want to be deleted from this chat  
  
**[3:27pm] baymax:** Oh come on, you were just unblocked.  
  
**[3:29pm] edgelord™:** yeah sorry about that, i forgot  
  
**[3:30pm] annoyance:** bitch  
  
**[3:31pm] edgelord™:** <3  
  
**[3:31pm] (bi)tter:** EVERYBODY STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING HOLY SHIT KEITH WAS ABDUCTED  
  
**[3:31pm] RoboCop:** damn and i told him that banging two pots together in a corn ﬁeld was Too Much  
  
**[3:32pm] edgelord™:** what the hell shiro i was eleven and shut the fuck up lance  
  
**[3:32pm] lesbean:** keith this is the ﬁrst time you’ve sent a heart emoji this is big for us  
  
**[3:33pm] edgelord™:** what are you talking about i send them a lot  
  
**[3:34pm] the worse holt:** yeah, to your mom not to us  
  
**[3:34pm] baymax:** THAT’S SO PRECIOUS  
  
**[3:34pm] edgelord™:** i want to die right now  
  
**[3:35pm] (bi)tter:** ya boi you just might im driving us to work today  
  
**[3:35pm] edgelord™:** i did not agree to this  
  
**[3:36pm] annoyance:** [narrator voice] he did agree to this because he’s stupid and gay  
  
**[3:36pm] lesbean:** PIDGE I LOVE YOU

 ** _edgelord™_ left**  
**_RoboCop_ added _edgelord™_**

 **[3:38pm] edgelord™:** shiro fuck off  
  
**[3:38pm] (bi)tter:** you’re stuck with us  
  
**[3:39pm] edgelord™:** oh dear god, i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can we pretend that this all makes sense and that there is a plot there somewhere? ya thanks  
> i love you all, thanks for the amazing feedback i don't deserve


	14. sleepover buddies™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[3:16am] edgelord™:** ok so i checked what ship means and
> 
>  **[3:16am] edgelord™:** i think i ﬁnally know what’s a klance
> 
>  **[3:18am] (bi)tter:** OH HELL TO THE NO
> 
> (or, keith finally uses the internet and matt has big news)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its just klance from now on tbh, god help me and those dumb losers
> 
> (bi)tter/beyoncé/lancey - lance  
> edgelord™/keithiel - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean/halsey - allura  
> the worse holt/matt - matt

**UNSOLVED™**

**[3:00am] (bi)tter:** hey there demons it’s me ya boi  
  
**[3:01am] edgelord™:** hey there boy it’s me ya demon  
  
**[3:01am] (bi)tter:** where's my holy water  
  
**[3:03am] lesbean:** it’s 3am  
  
**[3:03am] (bi)tter:** well duh why you think im summoning demons right now  
  
**[3:03am] lesbean:** why aren’t you sleeping you midgets  
  
**[3:04am] edgelord™:** why aren’t YOU sleeping? it’s past old people’s bedtime  
  
**[3:04am] lesbean:** shut the fuck up you know im insecure bc of my age  
  
**[3:04am] edgelord™:** but you’re soooo old  
  
**[3:04am] lesbean:** and you’re soooo gay  
  
**[3:05am] (bi)tter:** tell me something i don’t fucking know already will you  
  
**[3:05am] edgelord™:** go and die  
  
**[3:05am] (bi)tter:** well that’s a rude thing to say to someone you just went on a date with  
  
**[3:06am] lesbean:** SAY WHAT NOW  
  
**[3:06am] edgelord™:** it wasn’t a fucking date  
  
**[3:06am] (bi)tter:** i took him to a fancy restaurant  
  
**[3:07am] edgelord™:** it was mcdonalds  
  
**[3:07am] (bi)tter:** i even paid for us!  
  
**[3:08am] edgelord™:** dumbass i paid for us while you were crying at the fact that your wallets empty  
  
**[3:08am] lesbean:** this is so iconic, i ship this so hard  
  
**[3:09am] edgelord™:** what does that even mean like ,, ship what where  
  
**[3:09am] lesbean:** keith don’t you have internet you absolute caveman

 **[3:10am] (bi)tter:** he sends messages by throwing knives with notes at people  
  
**[3:10am] edgelord™:** that was ONE time and we were in the same room lance get over it  
  
**[3:11am] lesbean:** how are you two even still alive  
  
**[3:16am] edgelord™:** ok so i checked what ship means and  
  
**[3:16am] edgelord™:** i think i ﬁnally know what’s a klance  
  
**[3:18am] (bi)tter:** OH HELL TO THE NO  
  
**[3:18am] (bi)tter:** I’M SO NOT DEALING WITH THIS RIGHT NOW ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT  
  
**[3:19am] lesbean:** I’M W HEE ZING

* * *

**MATT > LANCEY**

**[5:34pm] matt:** i gotta talk to you  
  
**[5:36pm] lancey:** can’t, im busy  
  
**[5:36pm] matt:** with what  
  
**[5:37pm] lancey:** sucking dicks  
  
**[5:37pm] matt:** bros before hoes  
  
**[5:38pm] matt:** brovaries before ovaries  
  
**[5:38pm] lancey:** oh my god i will pay you to never say that again  
  
**[5:42pm] matt:** what if i want to propose to shiro  
  
**[5:49pm] matt:** lance?  
  
**[5:50pm] lancey:** HOLY DHCKIN SHIT IDROPED MY PHONE  
  
**[5:50pm] lancey:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME  
  
**[5:51pm] lancey:** IF YOU’RE KIDDING I’M GONNA MURDER YOU SO BAD DUDE  
  
**[5:51pm] matt:** im not kidding oh god  
  
**[5:52pm] lancey:** OH MY GOD CAN I ADD KEITH  
  
**[5:52pm] matt:** i wanted to tell him anyway so i guess its whatever

**_lancey_ added _keithiel_**

**[5:54pm] keithiel:** what  
  
**[5:54pm] lancey:** READ UP DUDE  
  
**[5:56pm] keithiel:** OHMY GOD  
  
**[5:56pm] lancey:** OH MY GOD  
  
**[5:57pm] matt:** guys i adore the hell out of you both but im gonna need more than that  
  
**[5:57pm] keithiel:** OH MY FUCKING GOD  
  
**[5:57pm] lancey:** HOLY ALLURA  
  
**[5:58pm] keithiel:** lance you promised allura you won’t say that again  
  
**[5:58pm] lancey:** BUT SHE’S HOLY  
  
**[5:59pm] matt:** okay you know what nevermind  
  
**[5:59pm] lancey:** no wait im just  
  
**[5:59pm] keithiel:** shiro will lose his shit  
  
**[5:59pm] lancey:** i lost my shit and im not even the one who’s gonna get married  
  
**[6:00pm] matt:** he can always say no  
  
**[6:00pm] keithiel:** he will cry like a bitchbaby oh this is gonna be golden i need to record it djdnskrjdb  
  
**[6:01pm] lancey:** ahh this brotherly love  
  
**[6:01pm] matt:** keith, so you don’t have anything against it?  
  
**[6:01pm] keithiel:** what why would i  
  
**[6:02pm] matt:** well its a big change and i know how you feel about that  
  
**[6:02pm] lancey:** aww i wish my sister was this considerate before she married that dickhead stanley what kind of name is that  
  
**[6:03pm] matt:** lance for fucks sake he said he’s sorry for blue shelling you in mario  
  
**[6:04pm] lancey:** THAT DOESN’T TAKE MY LOST RACE BACK OKAY LET ME LIVE LET ME BE PETTY COZ I WILL GET OVER IT BUT I GOTTA BE PETTY FIRST  
  
**[6:04pm] matt:** my child……. I Love You  
  
**[6:05pm] lancey:** damn right i love you more  
  
**[6:05pm] keithiel:** are you done  
  
**[6:06pm] lancey:** with you  
  
**[6:06pm] keithiel:** fuck off, jon bellion  
  
**[6:06pm] lancey:** you fuck off, ac/dc  
  
**[6:07pm] matt:** can you ﬂirt later  
  
**[6:07pm] keithiel:** THE NERVE  
  
**[6:07pm] lancey:** THE AUDACITY  
  
**[6:07pm] matt:** honestly how are you two not married yet  
  
**[6:08pm] lancey:** way hey i just came out to my dad, let me take it slow  
  
**[6:08pm] matt:** YOU DID?!  
  
**[6:09pm] keithiel:** WOOHOO WAY TO GO  
  
**[6:11pm] lancey:** yeah, he did answer in another godawful pun but fortunately my mom didn’t move out and my dad spent two days reading about my sexuality to “understand it better” he’s so precious i cried  
  
**[6:11pm] lancey:** now i need to come out to the rest of 3194949438 relatives  
  
**[6:11pm] lancey:** BUT back to the topic at hand, we can always talk about me later  
  
**[6:12pm] keithiel:** okok, matt it’s true that i don’t really like changes but it’s because i was left a lot and now it’s not the case  
  
**[6:13pm] keithiel:** now i will only gain family and basically everything will stay the same but you and shiro will be only more grossly in love so i think i can deal with it  
  
**[6:13pm] lancey:** this was so soft holy shit  
  
**[6:13pm] matt:** damn thank god, this means so much to me because i wouldn’t do that if you’d feel uncomfortable  
  
**[6:14pm] keithiel:** nah, go ahead and make shiro happy  
  
**[6:14pm] lancey:** KEITH WHO ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU SO SOFT TODAY OH MY GOD I’M BUYING YOU DONUTS  
  
**[6:14pm] matt:** just ask him out and end our suffering  
  
**[6:15pm] lancey:** shut the fuck up mateo  
  
**[6:15pm] matt:** don’t call me that  
  
**[6:15pm] lancey:** ﬁght me  
  
**[6:16pm] keithiel:** one day someone will really deck you  
  
**[6:16pm] keithiel:** i want my donuts ﬁrst  
  
**[6:17pm] lancey:** yea yea ﬁne, matt when are you gonna do this?  
  
**[6:18pm] matt:** as soon as i deal with my ex boyfriend who keeps calling me like damn boi get a hint  
  
**[6:18pm] lancey:** DUA LIPA SAID DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE  
  
**[6:18pm] keithiel:** YOU KNOW HE’S ONLY CALLING CAUSE HE’S DRUNK AND ALONE  
  
**[6:19pm] matt:** holy shit you guys really are a dream team

* * *

**#TEAM KLANCE**

**[6:27pm] the worse holt:** guys lance and keith are made for each other _[dreamteam.jpg attached]_  
  
**[6:28pm] lesbean:** WHY ARE THEY IN DENIAL THIS COULD BE THE BEST POWER COUPLE  
  
**[6:28pm] lesbean:** like get this, selene asked me if they’re dating after we saw them working in the cafe together  
  
**[6:29pm] baymax:** They’re dating but they don’t know.  
  
**[6:29pm] lesbean:** im gonna talk to lance  
  
**[6:30pm] annoyance:** he won’t do shit if you’ll just tell him to, you know him  
  
**[6:31pm] lesbean:** im gonna be real subtle

* * *

**HALSEY > BEYONCÉ**

**[6:33pm] halsey:** ask keith out  
  
**[6:33pm] beyoncé:** what  
  
**[6:34pm] halsey:** you read me  
  
**[6:34pm] beyoncé:** yea sis but why  
  
**[6:34pm] halsey:** because he will say yes  
  
**[6:35pm] beyoncé:** uhhhhhhh sources?  
  
**[6:36pm] halsey:** if he’ll say no im buying you the jacket you wanted  
  
**[6:36pm] beyoncé:** you got yourself a deal babe  
  
**[6:36pm] beyoncé:** but im gonna do that after our sleepover, okay? i know he won’t say yes but just in case i don’t want pidge to feel weird  
  
**[6:37pm] halsey:** i’ll allow it

* * *

**#TEAM KLANCE**

**[6:40pm] lesbean:** holy hell this caveman better say yes or you’re all buying lance this jacket he showed us  
  
**[6:42pm] annoyance:** damn i underestimated you  
  
**[6:42pm] the worse holt:** join the club, we have special cups  
  
**[6:43pm] lesbean:** ahh yes praise me

* * *

**SLEEPOVER BUDDIES™**

**[6:59pm] (bi)tter:** my dad’s asking what kind of snacks you guys want  
  
**[6:59pm] edgelord™:** stop calling coran your dad  
  
**[7:00pm] (bi)tter:** coran said he doesn’t mind so suck it keith  
  
**[7:00pm] lesbean:** just get some chips and stuff like that, i already have drinks, we can order pizza later and shiro said he and matt will choose movies  
  
**[7:00pm] annoyance:** oh so we’re gonna watch sharknado or some shit  
  
**[7:01pm] the worse holt:** im offended  
  
**[7:01pm] annoyance:** cry me a fucking river  
  
**[7:02pm] RoboCop:** horror, drama or something else?  
  
**[7:02pm] baymax:** I don’t wanna watch horrors if we’re sleeping in one room with Lance later.  
  
**[7:03pm] (bi)tter:** betrayed by my best friend  
  
**[7:04pm] lesbean:** actually i can arrange sleeping so that couples will be in one rooms and keith, lance and pidge will sleep together if you guys want?  
  
**[7:04pm] (bi)tter:** hell yes you already know what the fuck is going on  
  
**[7:04pm] annoyance:** BUZZFEED UNSOLVED  
  
**[7:04pm] edgelord™:** UNSOLVED  
  
**[7:05pm] the worse holt:** oh my god they did know what the fuck is going on  
  
**[7:05pm] edgelord™:** okay but for the night allura’s house is a sex free zone  
  
**[7:06pm] RoboCop:** cockblocked by my own brother  
  
**[7:06pm] edgelord™:** deal with it  
  
**[7:06pm] (bi)tter:** my dad is asking what does cockblocked mean shiro explain yourself  
  
**[7:07pm] RoboCop:** STOP SHOWING CORAN OUR MESSAGES  
  
**[7:08pm] lesbean:** im not dealing with you all right now, just be at my house at eight you bunch of nerds  
  
**[7:08pm] (bi)tter:** I LOVE YOU  
  
**[7:09pm] lesbean:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so like ,, how many chapters is Too Much in a chat fic? because let me tell you im having a pretty good time shitposting like that


	15. sex free zone™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[2:17am] RoboCop:** keith, collect your boyfriend
> 
>  **[2:17am] edgelord™:** day 265: im being bullied again, i think it’s because im gay
> 
> (or, they have a sleepover, klance is oblivious and Stupid and pidge hates them)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: how many chapters is too much?  
> you all: THERE'S NEVER TOO MUCH  
> well thanks lmao but look at me !! keeping up with the schedule !! amazing !!
> 
> (bi)tter/beyoncé/bilance - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean/halsey - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**SEX FREE ZONE™**

  
**[1:21am] (bi)tter:** allura can you tell your girlfriend im in love with her  
  
**[1:21am] annoyance:** not that shit again, we’ve already had to listen to you two gushing over the loch ness monster  
  
**[1:22am] (bi)tter:** keep her name out of your mouth  
  
**[1:22am] annoyance:** ﬁght me  
  
**[1:22am] lesbean:** lancey, selene says she’s in love with you too and i can’t believe im being betrayed like that  
  
**[1:23am] lesbean:** she wants your number to talk about this shopping thing you wanna do with her  
  
**[1:23am] the worse holt:** allura, ain’t you jealous?  
  
**[1:23am] lesbean:** boi are you kidding me? two people i love getting along so well? now that’s what i call a dream team  
  
**[1:23am] (bi)tter:** you can give her my number but i can’t promise i won’t accidentally send her nudes  
  
**[1:24am] edgelord™:** “””accidentally”””  
  
**[1:24am] baymax:** You never accidentally send me nudes, Lance.  
  
**[1:24am] baymax:** Oh, wait, no. That happened.  
  
**[1:25am] (bi)tter:** I ALREADY SAID I’M SORRY  
  
**[1:25am] annoyance:** who you wanted to send them to?  
  
**[1:25am] (bi)tter:** shiro ofc  
  
**[1:26am] RoboCop:** that is so not true  
  
**[1:26am] the worse holt:** relatable  
  
**[1:26am] (bi)tter:** hunk bb, shay is so freaking amazing i love her too  
  
**[1:27am] edgelord™:** omg yes and she knows so much about motorcycles ??? what a girl  
  
**[1:27am] baymax:** I’m so glad you guys like her!  
  
**[1:27am] annoyance:** HOLD THE FUCK UP  
  
**[1:27am] the worse holt:** im the fuck up, please hold me  
  
**[1:28am] lesbean:** lmao matt shut up  
  
**[1:28am] (bi)tter:** DID KEITH’S GAY ASS JUST ACKNOWLEDGE A GIRL  
  
**[1:28am] RoboCop:** LOOK AT HIM BEING SO EXCITED HOW PRECIOUS  
  
**[1:29am] edgelord™:** y’all shut the fuck up  
  
**[1:29am] (bi)tter:** y’all? we’re not in texas cowboy  
  
**[1:29am] edgelord™:** not my fault that girls lance is dating aren’t interesting, hunk has better taste  
  
**[1:29am] lesbean:** somehow i feel offended by that  
  
**[1:29am] the worse holt:** you weren’t dating lance tho  
  
**[1:30am] lesbean:** ya but he’s interested in me  
  
**[1:31am] (bi)tter:** so very much  
  
**[1:31am] edgelord™:** okay so girls EXCEPT allura  
  
**[1:31am] lesbean:** thank u  
  
**[1:31am] (bi)tter:** okay well that still was rude because girls are goddesses  
  
**[1:32am] edgelord™:** yea so is persephone and her name literally means chaos bringer so you can choke lance  
  
**[1:32am] RoboCop:** you’re literally in one room together, why are you texting?  
  
**[1:32am] annoyance:** that’s….. True  
  
**[1:32am] lesbean:** smh  
  
**[2:01am] edgelord™:** shiro, not to be THAT person but the walls here are really thin and you’re not smooth like at all  
  
**[2:01am] (bi)tter:** HELL YES MATT GO GET THAT DICK  
  
**[2:01am] baymax:** Lance, what about no “gross coupley things”?  
  
**[2:02am] (bi)tter:** that was for you and allura because you’re kids, we don’t know how much time left those old people have they gotta get it while they can  
  
**[2:02am] RoboCop:** honestly fuck you guys im not even doing anything  
  
**[2:02am] annoyance:** matt i would never guess you have a daddy kink  
  
**[2:03am] lesbean:** what was that sound are you ruining my house already? it’s only 2am  
  
**[2:03am] RoboCop:** matt fell off the bed  
  
**[2:03am] the worse holt:** WHAT THE FUCK PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**[2:04am] annoyance:** we all heard you say “dad”  
  
**[2:04am] the worse holt:** I WAS TALKING ABOUT DAD I MEAN OUR DAD OH MY GOD I’M SO GONNA TELL HIM  
  
**[2:05am] (bi)tter:** THIS IS FUCKING GOLDEN I HAVE SCREENSHOTS BITCH  
  
**[2:05am] the worse holt:** i hate everything you guys choose to be right now  
  
**[2:05am] (bi)tter:** well you know as they say, everything stays in the family  
  
**[2:06am] edgelord™:** that’s gross  
  
**[2:06am] baymax:** AND incest.  
  
**[2:07am] (bi)tter:** dOnT kInK sHaMe Me  
  
**[2:08am] lesbean:** is there a term for cockblocking when two vaginas are involved?  
  
**[2:09am] annoyance:** i….. don’t think so??  
  
**[2:09am] (bi)tter:** of course there is  
  
**[2:09am] edgelord™:** and of course you know that  
  
**[2:09am] (bi)tter:** clitoris prohibitus  
  
**[2:10am] RoboCop:** lance are you high again  
  
**[2:10am] the worse holt:** LANCE MARRY ME  
  
**[2:11am] lesbean:** STOP RUINING MY HOUSE  
  
**[2:11am] annoyance:** keith kicked lance out of bed  
  
**[2:11am] baymax:** A power couple.  
  
**[2:12am] the worse holt:** i don’t know why i thought you’re gonna say he’s a power bottom  
  
**[2:12am] edgelord™:** I’M NOT A BOTTOM WHAT THE FUCK MATT  
  
**[2:12am] (bi)tter:** why are we suddenly talking about my sexual preferences  
  
**[2:13am] RoboCop:** can we just go to sleep tho  
  
**[2:13am] lesbean:** but keith ﬁnally knows what klance is  
  
**[2:13am] annoyance:** oh no we’re exposed  
  
**[2:14am] edgelord™:** why is it klance? why not leith? this is homophobia  
  
**[2:14am] (bi)tter:** because this ship isn’t leithal ;-)  
  
**[2:14am] baymax:** Did Keith kick him out of bed again?  
  
**[2:14am] annoyance:** yea  
  
**[2:15am] (bi)tter:** this is biphobia, i want a vip room  
  
**[2:15am] lesbean:** lance i love you but im not taking you to my bedroom  
  
**[2:15am] (bi)tter:** damn it was worth a try  
  
**[2:15am] RoboCop:** sleep  
  
**[2:16am] annoyance:** okay dad  
  
**[2:16am] the worse holt:** GOODNIGHT MY FAVE PEOPLE  
  
**[2:17am] (bi)tter:** GOODNIGHT MY FUTURE HUSBAND  
  
**[2:17am] RoboCop:** keith, collect your boyfriend  
  
**[2:17am] edgelord™:** day 265: im being bullied again, i think it’s because im gay  
  
**[2:19am] lesbean:** KDBDJAIBDBEOXNAK

* * *

**BILANCE > KOGAYNE**

**[3:31am] bilance:** ok im in the kitchen  
  
**[3:31am] bilance:** like a ninja  
  
**[3:32am] kogayne:** are you joking  
  
**[3:32am] kogayne:** i’ve heard you all the way up here when you tripped on the stairs  
  
**[3:33am] bilance:** well okay, no hot chocolate for you tonight mister  
  
**[3:33am] bilance:** NO SLEEP TONIGHT FOR YOU BETTER CHUG THAT MOUNTAIN DEW  
  
**[3:34am] kogayne:** oh no  
  
**[3:34am] bilance:** GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR MAKE THIS WHOLE TOWN DISAPPEAR  
  
**[3:34am] kogayne:** thank you very much heather now hurry the fuck up before pidge wakes up and yells at us  
  
**[3:35am] bilance:** are you scared of pidge?  
  
**[3:35am] kogayne:** are you saying you’re not scared of them?  
  
**[3:35am] bilance:** ………. irrelevant  
  
**[3:36am] bilance:** ok i gotta wait for the milk to heat up  
  
**[3:36am] bilance:** this house is so big, you think it’s haunted?  
  
**[3:36am] kogayne:** probably, i mean it’s more possible if someone was murdered here tho so unless there’s something allura is not telling us, we’re good  
  
**[3:37am] bilance:** she would be capable of murder tho  
  
**[3:37am] kogayne:** well who isn’t  
  
**[3:38am] bilance:** every normal person ??? what the fuck keith  
  
**[3:38am] bilance:** how many marshmallows  
  
**[3:38am] kogayne:** three  
  
**[3:39am] kogayne:** can i ask you something? i need advice  
  
**[3:39am] bilance:** of course i will be your obi-wan my young padawan, thanks for asking  
  
**[3:40am] kogayne:** i did not ask that and i will never ask that  
  
**[3:40am] bilance:** ya what do you want  
  
**[3:40am] kogayne:** rolo asked me out  
  
**[3:42am] bilance:** i FUCKING KNEW IT, MATT OWNS ME SO MUCH MONEY  
  
**[3:42am] kogayne:** why the fuck would you bet on that  
  
**[3:43am] bilance:** well it was kind of obvious for me but matt said rolo won’t do that because he sees you like someone else ??? matt might have been high tho  
  
**[3:43am] bilance:** don’t tell shiro  
  
**[3:43am] bilance:** did you say yes?  
  
**[3:44am] kogayne:** you think i should?  
  
**[3:44am] bilance:** well, do you like him?  
  
**[3:45am] kogayne:** i mean, he’s okay? but like… i don’t know, i don’t feel it  
  
**[3:45am] bilance:** he seems nice enough, maybe you could give him a try and see if there’s something?  
  
**[3:46am] kogayne:** you think so?  
  
**[3:47am] bilance:** yes :)  
  
**[3:47am] kogayne:** that sounds so fake

 **[3:48am] bilance:** WELL EXCUSE ME, I’M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE HERE  
  
**[3:49am] kogayne:** but?  
  
**[3:49am] bilance:** there’s no but  
  
**[3:49am] kogayne:** i feel like there’s a but  
  
**[3:50am] bilance:** well you’re gay, you see butts everywhere  
  
**[3:50am] kogayne:** LANCE DJZJIANDO  
  
**[3:51am] bilance:** lmao im gonna make this chocolate and go back in a minute  
  
**[3:52am] kogayne:** yeah okay

* * *

**BEYONCÉ > HALSEY**

**[3:55am] beyoncé:** we need to murder rolo  
  
**[3:59am] halsey:** what why  
  
**[3:59am] beyoncé:** doesn’t matter, you can already buy me the jacket  
  
**[3:59am] halsey:** wait, keith said no?  
  
**[3:59am] beyoncé:** no, he said yes  
  
**[4:00am] beyoncé:** just not to me  
  
**[4:00am] halsey:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME HE SAID YES TO ROLO?  
  
**[4:01am] beyoncé:** i told him to say yes  
  
**[4:01am] halsey:** ADRE YOU CKIDDING MR  
  
**[4:02am] beyoncé:** WHAT ELSE SHOULD I DO? TELL HIM TO TELL ROLO NO BECAUSE I WANT TO ASK KEITH OUT?  
  
**[4:02am] halsey:** um,, yes? its really not that complicated lancey  
  
**[4:03am] halsey:** selene says you’re a dumbass  
  
**[4:04am] beyoncé:** do you have to tell her everything? THIS IS LIKE HOES BEFORE BROS ALLURA  
  
**[4:04am] halsey:** WHAT ABOUT HOMIE-HOE-STASIS YOU LITTLE FUCKER  
  
**[4:05am] halsey:** and if anything, you’re my hoe. selene is my wifey  
  
**[4:05am] beyoncé:** i can agree to that but i need a plan right now  
  
**[4:05am] halsey:** here’s your plan: get your head out of your ass and tell keith you like him  
  
**[4:06am] beyoncé:** sis i love when you call me out on my bullshit  
  
**[4:06am] halsey:** my pleasure  
  
**[4:06am] halsey:** but listen, keith doesn’t like complicated, yeah? it’s simple, really. you like him, he might like you, you’re already like an old married couple so just……  
  
**[4:07am] beyoncé:** yea yea i get it  
  
**[4:07am] beyoncé:** there’s not even a relationship to begin with and im already doing more :///  
  
**[4:08am] halsey:** you can put that in your wedding vows  
  
**[4:08am] beyoncé:** COME ON GIRL

* * *

**SEX FREE ZONE™**

**[10:12am] annoyance:** next time you all take lance and keith to your rooms i don’t fucking care _[assholes.jpg attached]_  
  
**[10:14am] lesbean:** is that lance’s arm on your face  
  
**[10:15am] the worse holt:** IS THAT KEITH SLEEPING ON THE BOTH OF YOU  
  
**[10:15am] annoyance:** yes and yes  
  
**[10:18am] baymax:** Guys, what was that sound?

 **[10:18am] lesbean:** and you just know klance is on the ﬂoor right now  
  
**[10:19am] annoyance:** it’s what they deserve  
  
**[10:21am] edgelord™:** this is bi and homopohobia  
  
**[10:21am] baymax:** Don’t you think we use those words too much?  
  
**[10:22am] RoboCop:** i love how keith includes his boyfriend there  
  
**[10:24am] edgelord™:** and that’s homophobic too  
  
**[10:25am] baymax:** Eh, I guess not.  
  
**[10:26am] the worse holt:** i fucking love this gc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys thought its gonna be this easy? read tag "but i love me some klangst" SIKE  
> im embarrassing im so Sorry  
> but i want to thank you all for every single comment!! they're always so nice and they make me feel so much better, i love you guys


	16. gays in space™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[3:28pm] lesbean:** FUCKING FIGHT ME
> 
>  **[3:29pm] (bi)tter:** I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE
> 
> (or, matt and lance. that's literally it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there ghouls the demon is here, hope you're not too tired of me yet
> 
> (bi)tter/beyoncé/lancey - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean/halsey - allura  
> the worse holt/matt - matt

**GAYS IN SPACE™**

**[1:22pm] lesbean:** i think keith is a boring vanilla guy tbh you’re not missing out on much  
  
**[1:24pm] edgelord™:** excuse me what now  
  
**[1:24pm] RoboCop:** i agree with allura  
  
**[1:25pm] edgelord™:** EXCUSE ME WHAT NOW  
  
**[1:25pm] lesbean:** HOLY FUCKING HELL WRONG CHAT WRON G CHAT ABORT  
  
**[1:26pm] annoyance:** what the fuck is happening here today at this early hour  
  
**[1:26pm] baymax:** TO WHAT CHAT WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO GO TO  
  
**[1:26pm] (bi)tter:** ALLURA YOU BITCH WHAT THE HELL CHECK WHERE YOU SEND YOUR SHIT DJDNSNSIEB  
  
**[1:27pm] lesbean:** I’M SO SORRY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO LANCE AND SELENE  
  
**[1:27pm] lesbean:** JUST IGNORE ME  
  
**[1:27pm] edgelord™:** what the fuck  
  
**[1:28pm] edgelord™:** why would you even talk about that, who’s missing out on what what the hell  
  
**[1:29pm] (bi)tter:** i was just wondering what you’d be into and i was like “he’s probably kinky” but then allura said this and…… Well  
  
**[1:29pm] the worse holt:** I LOVE MY TIMING THIS IS GOLDEN  
  
**[1:29pm] edgelord™:** i fucking hate you all so much  
   
**[1:30pm] edgelord™:** my boring vanilla ass is going on a date so suck it  
  
**[1:30pm] RoboCop:** say what now  
  
**[1:31pm] (bi)tter:** yeah, he’s going out with the hot rolo  
  
**[1:31pm] lesbean:** keith you can’t i refuse  
  
**[1:32pm] edgelord™:** ????? you’re not my mom  
  
**[1:32pm] edgelord™:** you didn’t leave me when i was ﬁve  
  
**[1:32pm] annoyance:** SHUTJNSOAKEB  
  
**[1:33pm] baymax:** Keith, cut it out because I want to hug you and now it’s physically impossible.  
  
**[1:33pm] RoboCop:** keith, you think it’s a good idea? you don’t even like him  
  
**[1:34pm] edgelord™:** i won’t know if i don’t try, yea? shouldn’t you be supportive or some shit? so far only lance said i should try  
  
**[1:34pm] annoyance:** did he now? well that’s interestinGAY  
  
**[1:35pm] (bi)tter:** shut the fuck up pidge or we gonna ﬁght  
  
**[1:36pm] the worse holt:** no we do support you keith, it’s just that rolo gives me this… im-a-dickhead kind of vibe  
  
**[1:36pm] annoyance:** !!!!  
  
**[1:36pm] edgelord™:** it’s just a date tho im not marrying him  
  
**[1:37pm] (bi)tter:** gay gasp  
  
**[1:37pm] edgelord™:** shut up, zara larson  
  
**[1:38pm] (bi)tter:** you shut up, joy division  
  
**[1:39pm] annoyance:** ao3 tags enemies to lovers  
  
**[1:39pm] lesbean:** slow burn  
  
**[1:39pm] the worse holt:** graphic depictions of hand holding  
  
**[1:40pm] baymax:** Mutual pining.  
  
**[1:40pm] RoboCop:** HUNK WINS  
  
**[1:40pm] (bi)tter:** you fucking know what tags are here? angst  
  
**[1:41pm] edgelord™:** minor injuries  
  
**[1:41pm] (bi)tter:** graphic description of violence  
  
**[1:42pm] lesbean:** DOMESTIC MURDER BUDDIES  
  
**[1:43pm] RoboCop:** THAT IS ILLEGAL  
  
**[1:43pm] (bi)tter:** OH COME ON ALLURA

* * *

**HALSEY > BEYONCÉ**

**[3:12pm] halsey:** so how you wanna do it  
  
**[3:12pm] beyoncé:** fabulously, with lots of glitter ﬂying around  
  
**[3:13pm] halsey:** you have no idea what im talking about do you  
  
**[3:13pm] beyoncé:** nope none  
  
**[3:13pm] halsey:** little shit  
  
**[3:14pm] halsey:** how do you wanna get keith back  
  
**[3:14pm] beyoncé:** back from where  
  
**[3:15pm] halsey:** LANCE I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF KLANGST IN MY LIFE  
  
**[3:15pm] beyoncé:** it is a tough lyf when your ship isn’t canon coughsIWAOIcoughs  
  
**[3:15pm] halsey:** it doesn’t bother you that he went with rolo? don’t you think it’s keiths way of saying that could be us but u playing  
  
**[3:15pm] beyoncé:** bitch i wish ???  
  
**[3:16pm] beyoncé:** ANYWAYS YEARS AND YEARS IN A WEEK  
  
**[3:16pm] halsey:** don’t change the subject asshole

* * *

**GAYS IN SPACE™**

**[3:17pm] (bi)tter:** MATT YEARS AND YEARS IN A WEEK

 **[3:17pm] the worse holt:** HELL YEA I’M SO PUMPED  
  
**[3:18pm] RoboCop:** and it’s so annoying, im waiting for The Death  
  
**[3:18pm] annoyance:** savage™  
  
**[3:19pm] lesbean:** no one says savage anymore and LANCE GO BACK TO OUR CONVERSATION I WASN’T DONE  
  
**[3:19pm] (bi)tter:** BUT I WAS LET ME LIVE  
  
**[3:19pm] baymax:** What were you talking about?  
  
**[3:20pm] lesbean:** keith and his new boyfriend  
  
**[3:20pm] edgelord™:** I DON’T HAVE THAT  
  
**[3:21pm] annoyance:** are you announcing you’re free and any of us can ask you out?  
  
**[3:21pm] edgelord™:** my BROTHER is in this gc, you’re a CHILD who do you think i am  
  
**[3:22pm] (bi)tter:** a furry, yes or no  
  
**[3:23pm] the worse holt:** LMAO EXPOSED HIM SO BAD  
  
**[3:23pm] edgelord™:** fuck off IAM NOT NEVER  
  
**[3:23pm] RoboCop:** double negative its a yes  
  
**[3:24pm] edgelord™:** YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE  
  
**[3:24pm] RoboCop:** SINCE WHEN  
  
**[3:25pm] edgelord™:** SINCE YOUR PARENTS ADOPTED ME  
  
**[3:25pm] baymax:** What’s a furry?  
  
**[3:26pm] (bi)tter:** OH MY GOD NO HUNK YOU GOTTA STAY INNOCENT I LOVE YOU  
  
**[3:26pm] annoyance:** lmao like any of your friends could stay innocent lance  
  
**[3:27pm] lesbean:** lance is the nicest, purest, sweetest person ever tho  
  
**[3:28pm] (bi)tter:** take this disgusting slander back or you’ll be hearing from my lawyers  
  
**[3:28pm] lesbean:** FUCKING FIGHT ME  
  
**[3:29pm] (bi)tter:** I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE  
  
**[3:29pm] edgelord™:** that’s my fucking line you theif  
  
**[3:30pm] annoyance:** i before e except after c  
  
**[3:30pm] edgelord™:** thceif  
  
**[3:31pm] annoyance:** NO  
  
**[3:31pm] the worse holt:** lance ﬁrst you steal the boy’s heart and now his line? damn you thief  
  
**[3:31pm] edgelord™:** do you want me to call the cops  
  
**[3:32pm] (bi)tter:** 911 SOME OLD GEEZER IS HITTING ON MY BOYFRIEND THIS IS ILLEGAL  
  
**[3:32pm] the worse holt:** DID YOU JUST XALK KEITH YKUR BOYFRIEND  
  
**[3:33pm] RoboCop:** WHAT IS THIS MESS  
  
**[3:33pm] baymax:** I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT A FURRY IS

**_edgelord™_ left.**

**[3:34pm] (bi)tter:** damn guys u think he broke up with me just now

 **[3:35pm] annoyance:** GET A GRIP MCCLAIN

* * *

**MATT > LANCEY**

**[6:11pm] matt:** lance im so soft for shiro

 **[6:12pm] lancey:** I LOVE FUTURE HUSBANDS  
  
**[6:12pm] matt:** dkdjenskandnxjs  
  
**[6:15pm] matt:** do you think it’s weird? ive known him basically since we were kids and i always really admired him and i was in love with him since we turned sixteen i guess and i only told him when i was twenty four but it’s been so long and im still not even a little bit calm ??? he makes me so happy and when we’re out together i want to tell every single person that this is my boyfriend because it sounds so nice and holy shit im 25 i shouldn’t act like that should i  
  
**[6:16pm] lancey:** dude no NO, this isn’t even a little bit weird, that’s my fucking goal right there  
  
**[6:17pm] lancey:** you’ve known each other for so long and never got tired, you want to be together and your relationship is the healthiest one i know because you’re not really dependent on each other to the point where it would be toxic despite spending so much time together and  
  
**[6:17pm] lancey:** shit, you guys make me so happy and the fact that you’re still freaking out because shiro is your boyfriend ??? that’s the sweetest thing ever  
  
**[6:18pm] lancey:** i just,,, im so jealous, really, i can’t wait till you’re married  
  
**[6:18pm] matt:** fuck i do love him and i really hope he says yes when i ﬁnally get the courage to ask, not to be gay but i want to marry the fuck out of him  
  
**[6:19pm] lancey:** gay culture is saying “not to be gay” and then adding the gayest shit ever, i love!!!  
  
**[6:19pm] matt:** im being called out right now, stop that dkdndjxis  
  
**[6:20pm] lancey:** what’s shiro doing right now  
  
**[6:20pm] matt:** dinner, get u a man like that _[ShiroTheCook.jpg attached]_  
  
**[6:21pm] lancey:** omg he’s wearing the apron i gave him tell him that i said nothing but respect for MY president  
  
**[6:21pm] matt:** hi lance, it’s shiro. please don’t say that to me ever again  
  
**[6:22pm] lancey:** I’M COMPLIMENTING YOU YOU EGG  
  
**[6:23pm] matt:** he doesn’t get the Memes, ehh what can you do  
  
**[6:23pm] matt:** let’s talk about you now  
  
**[6:23pm] lancey:** what about me  
  
**[6:24pm] matt:** you do know that when you ﬁnally ﬁnd someone who loves you, they won’t get tired of you, yeah?  
  
**[6:24pm] lancey:** matt please Don’t  
  
**[6:25pm] matt:** no, i gotta because your earlier message suggested that you think if you know someone for a long time they get tired of you and it’s not true  
  
**[6:27pm] lancey:** we’ve already been over this, i said im an insecure shit that would annoy away every potential partner and you said i shouldn’t sell myself short because im too good for that. i can’t help how i feel, i have experience in this kind of thing. i don’t want to talk about it again  
  
**[6:30pm] matt:** i know babe, but listen to me. ive been your friend for how long? six years? and never ever have i thought you’re annoying. sure, i don’t know what you’re like in a relationship but you’re such an amazing friend it’s impossible you could ever be bad. and im not saying that because i want to make you feel better. it’s just true. everyone needs a reassurance that they’re loved and cared for, it’s not wrong if you want that more from your partner because your past relationships were shit and if they can’t give you that or they call you clingy? drop them, drop them so quick because they don’t deserve you  
  
**[6:32pm] matt:** im sorry for this long rant but i just want you to understand there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you  
  
**[6:32pm] matt:** it’s okay to doubt yourself, it’s okay to come up to your partner and be like “hey, you really wanna be with me? you care about me? you love me? do you really want to spend time with me?” like fuck i do that with shiro all the time. what is not okay tho is thinking that those things make you unworthy of someone’s love, it’s not okay to let your partner shut you up because they “don’t have time for your bullshit again”. been there done that, it’s not worth it  
  
**[6:24pm] matt:** im not the best at it but i guess what im trying to say is that it’s okay to be yourself and want to be loved for being that person  
  
**[6:25pm] lancey:** im trying to get there, matt. i really fucking do  
  
**[6:25pm] matt:** and you’re doing amazing! im so proud of you lance, holy shit you have no idea how proud i am! you’re so much more than your insecurities and i love you  
  
**[6:26pm] lancey:** thank you for existing, i would probably die if it wasn’t for your lessons on how to respect myself  
  
**[6:26pm] matt:** i drink that respect lance juice everyday  
  
**[6:27pm] lancey:** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH  
  
**[6:27pm] matt:** ENOUGH TO BE THE BEST MAN IF EVERYTHING GOES OKAY  
  
**[6:28pm] lancey:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT IF SHIRO DOESN’T MARRY YOU I WILL  
  
**[6:28pm] lancey:** BUT SHIRO WILL DON’T WORRY  
  
**[6:29pm] matt:** HE FUCKIN BETTER  
  
**[6:29pm] lancey:** OR I WILL FIGHT HIM  
  
**[6:30pm] matt:** HE’S ASKING IF YOU WANT TO DROP BY FOR DINNER  
  
**[6:30pm] lancey:** OF COURSE I DO I WOULD DIE FOR HIM  
  
**[6:31pm] matt:** MOOD  
  
**[6:31pm] lancey:** STOP YELLING  
  
**[6:32pm] matt:** shit sorry okay, wnt me to pick you up?  
  
**[6:33pm] lancey:** gays can’t drive  
  
**[6:34pm] matt:** shut the hell up  
  
**[6:34pm] lancey:** <3

* * *

 

(above i've added art for this fic made by https://banielthespaniel.tumblr.com/ !! it's selene and the scene from a sleepover. i've added it here because i'm on my phone now and whenever i try to add the pic to the text it messes up so i will fix it later, i just wanted to show you because im honesTLY SO HONORED THAT ANYONE TOOK THEIR PRECIOUS TIME TO DO ART FOR MY FIC??? like thank you so much omg i love it!!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO'S EXCITED FOR SEASON 4 CLAP YOUR HANDS


	17. meme loving fucks™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[10:30pm] keith:** shiro i feel like i fucked up
> 
>  **[10:31pm] shiro:** keith, given your daily experience im gonna need more than that
> 
> (or, keith wants lance to get a hint but can't get a hint himself and matt is being... well, matt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello demons, im trying to get my sleeping schedule On Track so the chapters might be posted few hours earlier/a day later, it depends on how much time i'll have but i will try to still keep it wednesday/thursday! 
> 
> (bi)tter/beyoncé/the meme son/bilance - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne/keith - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop/shiro - shiro  
> lesbean/halsey - allura  
> the worse holt - matt  
> mamá - sofia mcclain, lance's mom

**EDGELORD™ > ANNOYANCE**

**[3:36pm] edgelord™:** i am no longer fond of men

 **[3:38pm] annoyance:** woah, date with rolo didn’t go too well?  
  
**[3:38pm] edgelord™:** no, he’s okay i guess, but i feel like he just wants to have sex with me ???? like im ﬂattered dude but uhhhh  
  
**[3:38pm] annoyance:** gEt ThAt DiCk  
  
**[3:39pm] edgelord™:** i WaNt AnOtHeR dIcK tho  
  
**[3:39pm] annoyance:** gay gasp LANCE  
  
**[3:41pm] edgelord™:** you know, i asked him if i should go on a date with rolo because i wanted to see his reaction but i did not want him to be supportive why can’t he get a fucking hint like uhhhhhh  
  
**[3:41pm] annoyance:** maybe because you’re both fucking stupid as hell, stop dancing around each other, uttering a “wanna go on a date with me” isn’t that hard but instead you’re going out with rolo  
  
**[3:42pm] annoyance:** lance isn’t a shitty person that will try and ruin things for you even if he likes you  
  
**[3:42pm] edgelord™:** i know but because of that now i have another date with rolo on friday  
  
**[3:43pm] annoyance:** KEITH YOU USELESS HOMOSEXUAL  
  
**[3:44pm] edgelord™:** I’M SO SKRRY GOD PLEASEHELP IM GAY AND I CAN’T SAY NO TO A GOODLOOKING GUY  
  
**[3:44pm] annoyance:** im disgusted, i don’t know you  
  
**[3:44pm] edgelord™:** ehhh lance is driving us to work today, maybe ill try talking to him then  
  
**[3:45pm] annoyance:** do it so i can claim you again  
  
**[3:46pm] edgelord™:** ﬁrst of all, Rude

* * *

**MAMA > THE MEME SON**

**[3:31pm] mamá:** Lance, did you buy this? 

  
  
**[3:31pm] the meme son:** OMG IT CAME ALREADY  
  
**[3:32pm] mamá:** Did you buy this with the money I gave you for a ‘friend in need’, mi niño?  
  
**[3:33pm] the meme son:** i was the friend in need im sO SORRY PLEASE DON’T KICK ME OUT I ALREADY HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY YOU BACK THE QUEEN OF MCCLAINS, EMPEROR, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR  
  
**[3:34pm] mamá:** You could’ve just told me, I hate when you’re lying to me, my heir of McClains.  
  
**[3:34pm] the meme son:** would u give me money if i said i gotta buy the nasa jacket?¿  
  
**[3:35pm] mamá:** Oh hell no.  
  
**[3:35pm] the meme son:**

 

**[3:36pm] mamá:**

  
  
**[3:36pm] mamá:** But this jacket is really expensive, do you need it?  
  
**[3:36pm] the meme son:** demi lovato said buy anything you don’t care what it costs  
  
**[3:37pm] mamá:** Demi Lovato is a millionaire, you’re not.  
  
**[3:37pm] the meme son:** and whose fault is that :///  
  
**[3:38pm] mamá:** Um, yours? You just bought a jacket for $140.  
  
**[3:38pm] the meme son:** are we really going to talk about my mistakes as a human being right now  
  
**[3:39pm] mamá:** I don’t have that much time, Lance.  
  
**[3:40pm] the meme son:** you’re so rude, soﬁa mcclain  
  
**[3:41pm] mamá:** Are we really going to talk about my mistakes as a human being right now?  
  
**[3:41pm] the meme son:** MAMA

* * *

**CUPCAKE WARS™**

**[5:12pm] lesbean:** men are trash

 **[5:13pm] (bi)tter:** RT  
  
**[5:13pm] edgelord™:** amen to that  
  
**[5:13pm] baymax:** Agreed.  
  
**[5:13pm] the worse holt:** damn straight girl  
  
**[5:14pm] RoboCop:** truer words have never been spoken  
  
**[5:15pm] annoyance:** i love how all men of the gc agreed with it bc normally one would jump out with “nOt all men!!!!!!!”  
  
**[5:15pm] lesbean:** i got called a ‘fucking lesbian’ in 7eleven 20 minutes ago  
  
**[5:15pm] (bi)tter:** tell us what happened fam  
  
**[5:16pm] annoyance:** no lance please  
  
**[5:16pm] lesbean:** i got called a lesbian  
  
**[5:16pm] baymax:** ALLURA DON’T PLAY INTO IT  
  
**[5:17pm] (bi)tter:** yea but why  
  
**[5:17pm] lesbean:** i was being a lesbian  
  
**[5:17pm] edgelord™:** they’re doing it on purpose  
  
**[5:17pm] (bi)tter:** in 7eleven?  
  
**[5:18pm] lesbean:** yes it was in 7eleven  
  
**[5:18pm] RoboCop:** im just… suffering in silence  
  
**[5:19pm] annoyance:** MEME LOVING FUCKS

**_annoyance_ changed the name of the group to _meme loving fucks™_**

**[5:20pm] the worse holt:** and now tell us what really happened princess  
  
**[5:21pm] lesbean:** i told a guy harassing me to fuck off because i have a girlfriend and he called me a fucking lesbian  
  
**[5:21pm] edgelord™:** sharp observation skills there, was he sherlock holmes  
  
**[5:22pm] (bi)tter:** straight people are wild  
  
**[5:23pm] lesbean:** cheer me up :(  
  
**[5:23pm] (bi)tter:** i took a selﬁe in my new jacket today and there’s a cryptid in it too  
  
**[5:23pm] edgelord™:** are u talking about me because i approve of the nickname  
  
**[5:24pm] (bi)tter:** im talking about your curly hair that made a rare appearance after 588963 years  
  
**[5:24pm] edgelord™:** ITS THE HUMIDITY FUCK OFF, THE 1975  
  
**[5:24pm] (bi)tter:** you fuck off, kings of leon  
  
**[5:24pm] lesbean:** ya send me the selﬁe  
  
**[5:25pm] (bi)tter:** _[cryptids.jpg attached]_  
  
**[5:26pm] (bi)tter:** it’s the prettiest selﬁe i have, keith even smiled  
  
**[5:26pm] lesbean:** damn, when i say men are trash i don’t mean keith and lance in fucKING CHOKERS THIS IS A MASTERPIECE  
  
**[5:27pm] the worse holt:** holy shit a power couple™  
  
**[5:27pm] baymax:** KEITH YOUR HAIR IS CURLY HOW AMAZING  
  
**[5:28pm] edgelord™:** it tends to do that sometimes ehh its ugly but lance wouldn’t stop bothering me so  
  
**[5:28pm] (bi)tter:** SHUT UP, WE LOOK LIKE FUCKING GODS AND YOUR HAIR IS THE PRETTIEST CRYPTID EVER  
  
**[5:28pm] edgelord™:** prettier than loch ness?  
  
**[5:29pm] (bi)tter:** ya don’t push it  
  
**[5:29pm] annoyance:** you actually look presentable, im impressed  
  
**[5:30pm] RoboCop:** keith you’re smiling, i didn’t know you could do that  
  
**[5:30pm] edgelord™:** i won’t tolerate this slander

* * *

**BEYONCÉ > HALSEY**

**[5:28pm] beyoncé:** allura im in love with him

 **[5:28pm] beyoncé:** im so in love with him  
  
**[5:29pm] halsey:** can i send him screenshots pleASE  
  
**[5:29pm] beyoncé:** are there rules for asking your best friend out when they have a thing with someone else?  
  
**[5:29pm] halsey:** he went on one date with rolo, they don’t have a thing  
  
**[5:30pm] halsey:** yet  
  
**[5:30pm] beyoncé:** right, i should just try  
  
**[5:30pm] halsey:** OMG !! tell me how it goes

* * *

**BILANCE > KOGAYNE**

**[9:52pm] bilance:** i never asked, how was your date with rolo?

 **[9:53pm] kogayne:** really wanna know?  
  
**[9:53pm] bilance:** well i told you to agree so yeah  
  
**[9:54pm] kogayne:** we went to the movies and then got dinner  
  
**[9:54pm] bilance:** what movie?  
  
**[9:57pm] kogayne:** …..spiderman  
  
**[9:57pm] bilance:** KEITH YOU SHIT WE WERE ALL SUPPOSED TO SEE IT TOGETHER  
  
**[9:57pm] kogayne:** I KNOW BUT HE BOUGHT THE TICKETS BEFORE I COULD SAY NO IM SORRY  
  
**[9:58pm] kogayne:** i can still go with you guys, i promise i won’t spoil anything  
  
**[9:58pm] bilance:** treason  
  
**[9:59pm] kogayne:** don’t be dramatic  
  
**[9:59pm] bilance:** read 9:59 ✓  
  
**[10:00pm] kogayne:** homophobia at its ﬁnest  
  
**[10:00pm] bilance:** fuck off, so how was it? is rolo okay?  
  
**[10:01pm] kogayne:** i don’t know, shit im really bad at this  
  
**[10:01pm] kogayne:** i mean, there wasn’t anything wrong it just felt really platonic like i was hanging out with a friend  
  
**[10:02pm] bilance:** so like when we’re hanging out?  
  
**[10:02pm] kogayne:** not exactly. what do you feel when you really like someone? how’s that supposed to feel?  
  
**[10:03pm] bilance:** oh boy how should i  
  
**[10:03pm] bilance:** well, you’re kind of nervous that for one, your stomach might do weird things and your face feels warm all the time  
  
**[10:03pm] bilance:** and if you manage to make them laugh, it’s the best feeling ever  
  
**[10:05pm] kogayne:** okay well that’s kind of weird then  
  
**[10:05pm] bilance:** what is?  
  
**[10:09pm] kogayne:** the fact that i think making you laugh is the best  
  
**[10:15pm] kogayne:** lance?  
  
**[10:16pm] kogayne:** im sorry if it sounded weird, i just thought it’s normal because i know shit all about dating  
  
**[10:17pm] bilance:** no no  
  
**[10:17pm] bilance:** well im just  
  
**[10:17pm] bilance:** im your best friend, its probably just that  
  
**[10:18pm] bilance:** i like making my friends laugh too  
  
**[10:18pm] kogayne:** yeah, maybe it’s that  
  
**[10:19pm] bilance:** uhh, listen what are you doing on friday?  
  
**[10:20pm] kogayne:** rolo asked me out again  
  
**[10:21pm] kogayne:** why, do you need help with something? im sure i can reschedule with rolo  
  
**[10:24pm] bilance:** no, nevermind  
  
**[10:25pm] bilance:** don’t worry about it :-)

* * *

**KEITH > SHIRO**

**[10:30pm] keith:** shiro i feel like i fucked up

 **[10:31pm] shiro:** keith, given your daily experience im gonna need more than that

 **[10:32pm] keith:** when another old lady comes up to me to say how nice you are im going to laugh in her face so loud oh you just wait

 **[10:34pm] shiro:** FINE OKAY YOU BRAT what did you do

 **[10:36pm] keith:** _[screenshot1123.jpg attached]_

 **[10:36pm] keith:** do you think he wanted to ask me out or am i being gay again

 **[10:40pm] shiro:** i needed a moment to sigh internally externally and eternally

 **[10:40pm] keith:** thank you takashi shirogane your input is greatly appreciated

 **[10:40pm] shiro:** tf of course he wanted to ask you out how dense are you

 **[10:41pm] keith:** okay matt give the phone back to shiro now

 **[10:41pm] shiro:** FUCK OFF I WILL NOT 

 **[10:48pm] shiro:** okay its me shiro i tackled matt to the ground so i have like 3 minutes

 **[10:48pm] keith:** i cant believe i thought you both are what a relationship is supposed to look like-

 **[10:48pm] shiro:** WE ARE DONT BE RDEW

 **[10:48pm] shiro:** rude** matt hit me with his elbow

 **[10:48pm] shiro:** anyway ,,,, i think there's like 80% chance that lance wanted to ask you out, did you honestly come up with that just now? and not before you talked about rolo?

 **[10:49pm] keith:** i thought we already established that im a disgrace the fuck do i do now

 **[10:50pm] shiro:** ask him out back? like, im not sure to be honest. maybe figure things out with rolo first? tell him you're not interested? and then try with lance?

 **[10:50pm] shiro:** i mean, lance obviously likes you so just do whatever feels right

 **[10:52pm] keith:** shit, it will be so awkward to work with rolo after that but ehh

 **[10:53pm] keith:** a man gotta do what he gotta do

 **[10:56pm] shiro:** YOU FINALLY GREW SOME BALLS MY BABY BROTHER

 **[10:57pm] keith:** aaaand hello back matthew 

* * *

_let me show you another pretty fanart for the fic made by the wonderful https://banielthespaniel.tumblr.com/ !! this time its shiro cooking for matt, get u a man like that_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY JUST LISTEN TO ME, lance's mom has a whole folder of memes just to send them to lance and this is canon  
> klance is trying, help those Gays


	18. byesexuals™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[10:13am] annoyance:** what's wrong?
> 
> **[10:15am] (bi)tter:** when paul walker goes to vin diesel's house party in fast and furious 1, they're playing "I Got Hoes" by ludacris on the stereo. but in 2 fast 2 furious, ludacris appears as a street racer tej parker. so in the fast  & furious universe, who sang "I Got Hoes"? was it tej? was it ludacris? does ludacris exist? and if not, what happened to the hoes? who got them now? are the hoes ok?
> 
> [or, lance is being bi and bitter, business as usual, and everyone is sick of the klangst, keith and lance included]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there demons ya boy is still alive  
> im so so so sorry that i was absent for so long ??? im not even sure if anyone is still waiting for an update but ,, uh, it me. anyways, i've had a really rough time since december and a lot of stuff happened that just made me feel like shit and i needed time to do something about that. im still not okay, i'll be honest, and i have no idea how frequent the updates will be but i feel like writing might help me even if only a little bit so i'll try my best. in those 4 months i havent written anything so it might not be very good but ahh i hope its enough
> 
> also i haven't watched the newest season of voltron yet bc i have no motivation to do anything whatsoever so please dont spoil things to me im poor
> 
> \+ to make things clear: when they're all talking its a group chat, but when only 2 people are talking they're sending normal texts

**BYESEXUALS™**

**[10:13am] edgelord™:** can someone tell lance to get his head out of his ass

**[10:13am] annoyance:** what's wrong?

**[10:15am] (bi)tter:** when paul walker goes to vin diesel's house party in fast and furious 1, they're playing "I Got Hoes" by ludacris on the stereo. but in 2 fast 2 furious, ludacris appears as a street racer tej parker. so in the fast & furious universe, who sang "I Got Hoes"? was it tej? was it ludacris? does ludacris exist? and if not, what happened to the hoes? who got them now? are the hoes ok?

**[10:16am] the worse holt:** I SNORTED FSKJAJKDKFJSKJGF

_**(bi)tter** _ **left**

**[10:18am] the worse holt:** pidge did you block him

**[10:18am] annoyance:** its what he deserves

**_the worse holt_ added  _(bi)tter_**

**[10:19am] (bi)tter:** first of all Rude

**[10:20am] edgelord™:** lance will you talk to me you basic bitch

**[10:21am] (bi)tter:** i dont know, i gotta ask your boyfriend for permission first and i dont have his number

**[10:21am] annoyance:** what

**[10:21am] the worse holt:** what

**[10:21am] lesbean:** WHAT

**[10:22am] edgelord™:** the fuck

**[10:22am] edgelord™:** what did he tell you

**[10:22am] (bi)tter:** nothing, i gotta go

**[10:23am] lesbean:** well that was reassuring

**[10:23am] the worse holt:** someones gotta beat rolo's ass 

**[10:24am] RoboCop:** give me my shirt back first and maybe then we'll talk

**[10:24am] the worse holt:** i dont have your shirt what are u talking about takashi

**[10:25am] RoboCop:** I LITERALLY SAW YOU IN IT THIS MORNING

**[10:26am] the worse holt:** read 10:26 ✓

**[10:26am] RoboCop:** bitch

* * *

**BYESEXUALS™**

**[12:11pm] baymax:** Okay so apparently Rolo said that sucking lollipops is basically drinking your own spit and when Lance asked if sucking dicks is also drinking your own spit he said “no, it’s being a slut”.  
  
**[12:11pm] lesbean:** keith that’s your man?  
  
**[12:12pm] edgelord™:** he said what  
  
**[12:13pm] (bi)tter:** ANYWAYS IM BABYSITTING MY NIECE AND NEPHEW TODAY WOOHOO  
  
**[12:13pm] (bi)tter:** look at us being fabulous _[littlemcclains.jpg attached]_  
  
**[12:14pm] lesbean:** MY PRINCESS CATALINA CAN I COME OVER OMG  
  
**[12:14pm] (bi)tter:** sure you can always at any time whenever you want because i love you to death and also catalina asked about u because you promised to braid her hair  
  
**[12:15pm] baymax:** Tell them I said hi!  
  
**[12:16pm] the worse holt:** is no one going to talk about the fact that they’re all wearing crowns? I LOVE ME A ROYAL FAMILY  
  
**[12:17pm] lesbean:** real talk tho how did you force nico to wear that  
  
**[12:17pm] (bi)tter:** im his favorite uncle and he loves me  
  
**[12:17pm] (bi)tter:** also he’s only five so i bribed him with a cake  
  
**[12:18pm] (bi)tter:** oh yeah allura, we’re baking a cake today so hurry up  
  
**[12:18pm] lesbean:** oh boy better get those firefighters ready  
  
**[12:18pm] RoboCop:** i don’t like the sound of that, are those kids gonna be okay or do you want me to supervise  
  
**[12:19pm] (bi)tter:** YES SHIRO PLS COME SAVE US THE KIDS ARE STARVING I HAVE A FAMILY TO FEED I’M POOR  
  
**[12:19pm] the worse holt:** MOOD  
  
**[12:19pm] baymax:** I’m sure that if you wanted Shiro to come over all you had to do was ask, Lancey.  
  
**[12:20pm] RoboCop:** yes 100% never say shit like that to me again  
  
**[12:20pm] edgelord™:** WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE TAKASHI  
  
**[12:21pm] annoyance:** KEITH EMERGED FROM HIS CAVE ONLY TO CALL SHIRO OUT I’M LIVING  
  
**[12:21pm] lesbean:** a rare cryptid woke up from its nap after 178 years because takashi shirogane said “shit”  
  
**[12:21pm] edgelord™:** enough with this slander  
  
**[12:23pm] (bi)tter:** isn’t he supposed to be with his boyfriend now?  
  
**[12:23pm] edgelord™:** lmao you’re not even going to talk directly to me now? nice  
  
**[12:24pm] (bi)tter:** fuck off, biffy clyro  
  
**[12:24pm] edgelord™:** you fuck off, bts  
  
**[12:25pm] annoyance:** IN THIS HOUSE WE  
  
**[12:25pm] the worse holt:** RESPECT BANGTAN BOYS  
  
**[12:26pm] lesbean:** ((((and blackpink))))  
  
**[12:26pm] (bi)tter:** BTS  
  
**[12:27pm] (bi)tter:** BLACKPINK  
  
**[12:27pm] (bi)tter:** TWICE  
  
**[12:27pm] (bi)tter:** I LOVE BEING BI  
  
**[12:28pm] baymax:** I love when Lance gets so excited over his sexuality.  
  
**[12:28pm] lesbean:** tag yourself im BLACKPINK

**[12:29pm] RoboCop:** im TWICE  
  
**[12:29pm] (bi)tter:** I FUCKN KNEW IT SHIRO  
  
**[12:30pm] RoboCop:** i want to be excluded from this narrative, one i never asked to be a part of  
  
**[12:30pm] annoyance:** and he went and ruined it with taylor swift  
  
**[12:31pm] the worse holt:** shiro cancelled  
  
**[12:32pm] baymax:** GASP MY OTP

* * *

**PIDGEON > LANCELOT**

  
**[12:38pm] pidgeon:** are u jealous of keith? ;))))  
  
**[12:38pm] lancelot:** fuck him and fuck rolo  
  
**[12:39pm] pidgeon:** im gonna tell them you want a threeway  
  
**[12:39pm] lancelot:** PIDGE SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU’RE LIKE 12 I’M TELLING MATT  
  
**[12:40pm] lancelot:** besides it’s not that, it’s just that rolo turns out to be a fucking asshole who thinks slutshaming is okay and ughh  
  
**[12:40pm] lancelot:** i thought that maybe keith wouldn’t take his side or whatever  
  
**[12:41pm] pidgeon:** he didn’t take his side, im assuming he wasn’t there when rolo said it because otherwise im sure he wouldn’t fucking let him talk to you like that. give keith more credit, he’s still kind of new in this friendship thing  
  
**[12:41pm] lancelot:** BUT WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS  
  
**[12:42pm] pidgeon:** lance, it’s keith. for the first two years he probably thought you hate him, for the third year he thought you’re hanging out with him because of shiro so technically you’ve been friends for a year  
  
**[12:42pm] lancelot:** that’s….. a pretty solid point  
  
**[12:43pm] lancelot:** fuck, im good with people so why is it so hard with keith  
  
**[12:44pm] pidgeon:** because you looooove him  
  
**[12:44pm] lancelot:** i thought love disgusts you, shut up  
  
**[12:45pm] pidgeon:** just because im aro ace it doesn’t mean love disgusts me  
  
**[12:47pm] lancelot:** it’s totally not what i meant bb, sorry if it sounded like that!!  
  
**[12:48pm] pidgeon:** i know, it’s fine  
  
**[12:48pm] lancelot:** i don’t ask often enough but how are you? are things okay? do i show you enough affection?  
  
**[12:48pm] pidgeon:** you show me more affection than anyone else, my mom is jealous snxksoahdbd  
  
**[12:48pm] lancelot:** awww tell her im sorry :-(  
  
**[12:49pm] pidgeon:** sure thing boi  
  
**[12:50pm] pidgeon:** can i ask you a question or are you busy with nico and catalina?  
  
**[12:51pm] lancelot:** well, nico is currently hanging off of shiro’s arm and catalina and allura are screaming about Wall-E at different octaves so ,,, i guess i have a moment, what’s up?  
  
**[12:54pm] pidgeon:** do you think im valid? like.. i know we talk about it a lot and you guys are all very supportive but sometimes i feel that being nonbinary is just an excuse because i can’t make up my mind, that’s what people usually say about us  
  
**[12:57pm] lancelot:** pidge honey my buddy my fave person ever my platonic soulmate, of course you’re valid and fuck people who say otherwise, you know when you first told us about your dysphoria ive read about it a lot to know more and most people said it’s pretty normal to feel it but it doesn’t define you. you’re only sixteen so you have the rest of your life to figure things out but the most important thing is that you’ll always be valid, okay?  
  
**[12:57pm] lancelot:** gender isn’t real  
  
**[12:59pm] pidgeon:** and fuck the government  
  
**[12:59pm] lancelot:** hell yea i love u  
  
**[12:59pm] pidgeon:** you too. and thank you, i don’t know why but i feel the most comfortable talking about this with you so i hope you don’t mind me being a mess  
  
**[1:00pm] lancelot:** im honored!!  <3  
  
**[1:01pm] lancelot:** btw i miss u, wanna have a sleepover at my place tonight?  
  
**[1:02pm] pidgeon:** ehhh you’re so clingy  
  
**[1:02pm] lancelot:** is that a yes  
  
**[1:03pm] pidgeon:** ya, just text me when you’re done with babysitting  
  
**[1:03pm] lancelot:** <3<3<3<3<3  
  


* * *

**BABYSITTERS™**

**[4:42pm] lesbean:** update: the kids are still alive  
  
**[4:42pm] baymax:** Phew, that’s a relief.

**[4:43pm] RoboCop:** lance: how much sugar? nico: so many. lance: …so many sugar

**[4:44pm] RoboCop:** this is how they’re baking a cake

**[4:48pm] lesbean:** DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT WHEN LANCE SAYS WAKE ME UP NICO SCREAMS WAKE ME UP INSIDE AND THEN LANCE GOES WITH CAN’T WAKE UP AND NICO WAKE ME UP INSIDE AND CATALINA YELLS SAVE ME I LOVE THIS FAMILY I WANNA BE A PART OF MCCLAINS

**[4:49pm] (bi)tter:** allura bb you are a mcclain, we’re all mcclains here

**[4:49pm] the worse holt:** lmao their parents are going to hate you so much

**[4:50pm] (bi)tter:** excuse you their parents adore me

**[4:50pm] (bi)tter:** well my brother’s a fucking idiot so i don’t care but his wife loves me

**[4:51pm] baymax:** You’re so easy to love tho.

**[4:51pm] annoyance:** hunk you do know you’re not here only to provide moral support for lance, yeah?

**[4:52pm] baymax:** BUT I LOVE HIM

**[4:52pm] (bi)tter:** HELLO BEST FRIEND THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND I LOVE U TO THE MOON AND BACK

**[4:53pm] (bi)tter:** how’s your project for mechanics? and how’s shay?

**[4:54pm] lesbean:** lance you’ve talked to him on the phone an hour ago, plus you’re going back to school on monday so you can catch up

**[4:55pm] (bi)tter:** LET ME LOVE HIM

**[4:56pm] baymax:** Shay is fine! I’m taking her to the planetarium tomorrow!

**[4:56pm] (bi)tter:** is that why you didn’t want the ticket for years  & years? smh i wanna go to planetarium too

**[4:57pm] the worse holt:** ask keith to take you

**[4:57pm] (bi)tter:** yeah im sure he’s just waiting for me to ask

**[4:58pm] edgelord™:** fine, just tell me when you have time and we can go

**[4:59pm] lesbean:** KEITH OMFJDJZISJA

**[4:59pm] annoyance:** HE’S ON A NINJA MODE JUST FUCKIN READING OUR MESSAGES BUT STAYING QUIET WHAT A SNAKE

**[5:00pm] (bi)tter:** i was talking to hunk and you’re all interrupting, i gotta take care of my kids bye

**[5:01pm] RoboCop:** lance living up to his username and being very bi and very bitter

**[5:01pm] edgelord™:** he’s also being another bi

**[5:02pm] edgelord™:** a bitch

**[5:02pm] annoyance:** BURRRRN

**[5:03pm] the worse holt:** im so sick of klangst

* * *

**SHIRO > LANCE**

**[1:12am] shiro:** are you sleeping?  
  
**[1:15am] lance:** not anymore, what’s up?

**[1:15am] shiro:** sorry for waking you up but i need to ask for a favor  
  
**[1:16am] lance:** i’d rob all the banks in the world for you  
  
**[1:16am] shiro:** that’s nice but i just wanted to ask if you can text keith? i know you’re upset with him but please  
  
**[1:17am] lance:** why? is something wrong? he didn’t come back from the date?  
  
**[1:17am] shiro:** he did but he locked himself in his room and doesn’t want to talk to me, i don’t know what happened and im kind of worried. i feel like maybe he would reply to you  
  
**[1:18am] lance:** i really doubt it  
  
**[1:19am] shiro:** can you just try?  
  
**[1:19am] lance:** yeah, okay  
  
**[1:19am] shiro:** thank you  
  


* * *

**BILANCE > KOGAYNE**

**[1:21am] bilance:** hey keithiel  
  
**[1:22am] kogayne:** are you still mad at me?  
  
**[1:22am] bilance:** i wasn’t really mad at you, i was mad at rolo and i guess i took it out on you, sorry  
  
**[1:24am] kogayne:** yeah no surprise there, rolo is a fucking dick  
  
**[1:25am] bilance:** was it that bad?  
  
**[1:25am] kogayne:** i don’t want to talk about it but im really sorry about what he said to you  
  
**[1:25am] bilance:** it wasn’t your fault, don’t be sorry. did he do something? shiro is worried about you so like ,, are you okay?  
  
**[1:26am] kogayne:** he didn’t really do anything, i mean he tried but i decked him  
  
**[1:27am] bilance:** KEITH KOGANE THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND  
  
**[1:27am] bilance:** but fuck it still sucks that it happened to you, if someone puts their hands on you fucking cut them off  
  
**[1:28am] bilance:** or tell me so i can do it for you  
  
**[1:28am] kogayne:** i appreciate it but im not gonna bother with him, i wasn’t even interested. you know, rolo said it’s not okay to lead someone on when you’re already in love with someone else and i guess he has a point  
  
**[1:29am] bilance:** he still had no right to treat you the way he did  
  
**[1:29am] bilance:** wait, in love with someone else?  
  
**[1:30am] kogayne:** i think i might be demisexual, short flings aren’t for me and i just don’t feel anything if i don’t know someone long enough  
  
**[1:31am] kogayne:** fuck this is confusing  
  
**[1:31am] bilance:** it’s okay, take it easy  
  
**[1:32am] kogayne:** it’s just that i thought i already have things figured out but turns out i fucking don’t i want to die  
  
**[1:33am] bilance:** don’t give me this shit because i never know when you’re serious and you’re scaring me man  
  
**[1:34am] bilance:** i already told pidge today but im gonna tell you too that you have all your life to figure things out, it’s normal to not know, we’re basically still stupid kids keith, don’t stress yourself too much  
  
**[1:34am] kogayne:** i know, i just feel really bad about everything that happened and myself and im gonna stop whining now don’t listen to me  
  
**[1:35am] bilance:** keith bb im here to listen to you all whining because to be honest i do it the most so shut up  
  
**[1:35am] bilance:** if you want we can spend this weekend together, my parents are leaving with my sister for her competition and they’ll be back sunday night so you can come over. i have new bath bombs and face masks so we can treat ourselves, i promise face masks solve 90% of life problems  
  
**[1:36am] kogayne:** so it’s not about my mental health, you just want to see me in a face mask  
  
**[1:37am] bilance:** YES IT’S ON MY BUCKET LIST PLEASE  
  
**[1:37am] kogayne:** you have a concert tomorrow, idiot  
  
**[1:38am] bilance:** oh i forgot  
  
**[1:38am] kogayne:** yeah, it’s okay don’t worry  
  
**[1:38am] bilance:** no, my offer still stands. i can just give my ticket to shiro so he’ll go with matt, allura can facetime us and ive already seen them once so it’s not a big deal  
  
**[1:39am] kogayne:** no lance really it’s fine, you love them and you were excited to see them so i would feel really shitty  
  
**[1:39am] bilance:** just let me braid your hair tomorrow and it will be fine :D  
  
**[1:39am] kogayne:** are you serious? your biggest life goal is to braid my hair and put a face mask on me?  
  
**[1:40am] bilance:** ya boy you finally get me  
  
**[1:40am] kogayne:** we could have done that ages ago smh  
  
**[1:40am] bilance:** DON’T MAKE ME CRY  
  
**[1:41am] bilance:** so is tomorrow okay?  
  
**[1:41am] kogayne:** only if you’re 100% sure  
  
**[1:41am] bilance:** im gonna save the pink bath bomb specially for you babe  
  
**[1:42am] kogayne:** ahh you’re making my dreams come true  
  
**[1:42am] bilance:** ok i have pidge with me for the night and they’re yelling at me to stop laughing so im gonna text you in the morning  
  
**[1:42am] bilance:** hasta la later keith  
  
**[1:43am] kogayne:** ya don’t drool too much in your sleep  
  
**[1:43am] bilance:** read 1:43 ✓  
  
**[3:28am] bilance:** keith  
  
**[3:33am] kogayne:** you were supposed to sleep mcclain  
  
**[3:35am] bilance:** yeah but i was watching Wall-E with kids today and why did we assume that it’s a boy? it’s a robot keith why did we give it a gender? why do people give everything a gender? what if Wall-E and Eva were lesbians  
  
**[3:41am] kogayne:** im sure that in your mind it’s extremely important right now but it is three thirty am and fuck all the way off  
  
**[3:42am] bilance:** BUT KEITH  
  
**[3:46am] kogayne:** read 3:46 ✓

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i forgot how long it takes to format each chapter  
> anyways, demisexual keith im weAK I LOVE !!!! ALSO SOFT KLANCE AHHH  
> i hope u enjoyed the chapter, now imma catch up on voltron


	19. the mcclains™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[9:27am] baymax:** GAYS
> 
>  **[9:27am] baymax:** GUYS*
> 
>  **[9:27am] baymax:** Eh, same thing.
> 
> (or, lance has literally no shame even in front of his parents and keith will honestly murder him one day)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii, thank u so so much for the kind comments under my last chapter, it honestly made me feel so much better to know that people have waited for an update and that you guys actually got excited for it ??? its amazing, i love u all
> 
> (bi)tter/the meme son/bilance - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne/cryptid/keith - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance/pidge - pidge  
> RoboCop/shiro - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt - matt  
> mamá - sofia mcclain, lance's mom  
> papa - david mcclain, lance's dad bc i love me an iconic family

**YEARS & YEARS™**

  
**[9:12am] (bi)tter:** HAVE FUN BABES AND TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES OF OLLY FOR ME  
  
**[9:12am] lesbean:** i still can’t believe you’re not going, that is a blatant violation of bros before hoes  
  
**[9:13am] edgelord™:** shut up allura i will probably die anyway, let me have this  
  
**[9:13am] the worse holt:** pictures of olly in exchange for pictures of keith in a face mask  
  
**[9:13am] (bi)tter:** deal boi  
  
**[9:14am] edgelord™:** don’t i have a say in this tho  
  
**[9:14am] lesbean:** nope sorry  
  
**[9:14am] (bi)tter:** im tryna keep the homie-hoe-stasis keith shut up  
  
**[9:15am] edgelord™:** am i the hoe  
  
**[9:15am] RoboCop:** is my brother the hoe, mcclain?  
  
**[9:15am] (bi)tter:** your brother is the stasis, shirogane  
  
**[9:16am] the worse holt:** BOOM LOOK WHO GOT BURNED  
  
**[9:16am] RoboCop:** BOOM LOOK WHO’S SINGLE  
  
**[9:16am] baymax:** NO DON’T LEAVE HIM HE’S PREGNANT  
  
**[9:17am] annoyance:** why do i always enter this fucking chat in the least appropriate moments?  
  
**[9:17am] the worse holt:** it’s a metaphor of how you came to this world  
  
**[9:18am] annoyance:** fuck off i was born in a very appropriate moment  
  
**[9:18am] the worse holt:** give me back the spotlight you stole sixteen years ago and i will consider that  
  
**[9:18am] (bi)tter:** you’re so petty, i love it  
  
**[9:19am] lesbean:** aight gays we gotta leave in twenty, im picking you up right now  
  
**[9:19am] baymax:** Ahh, I’m picking up Shay in an hour, wish me luck!  
  
**[9:20am] (bi)tter:** YOU DON’T NEED LUCK YOU’RE THE BEST PERSON OUT THERE I LOVE YOU HAVE FUN AT THE PLANETARIUM  
  
**[9:20am] baymax:** I LOVE YOU MORE, HAVE FUN WITH KEITH TOO, DON’T DIE  
  
**[9:20am] edgelord™:** im not promising anything, i feel like manslaughter today  
  
**[9:21am] annoyance:** that’s the spirit  
  
**[9:21am] RoboCop:** keith no, lance don’t let him kill anyone, mom would kill me  
  
**[9:21am] (bi)tter:** what if he kills me tho  
  
**[9:21am] annoyance:** it’s the risk we’re willing to take, we appreciate your sacrifice  
  
**[9:22am] (bi)tter:** hhhhhhhhh fine, but keith let me use the blue bath bomb first  
  
**[9:22am] edgelord™:** ya ill see what i can do  
  
**[9:22am] (bi)tter:** i’ll take it  
  
**[9:23am] RoboCop:** im suddenly really worried about leaving you two alone for two whole days  
  
**[9:23am] lesbean:** DON’T RUIN THE PLOT OF MY FANFICTION TAKASHI OR YOU’RE GONNA RUN AFTER THE CAR ALL THE WAY TO THE VENUE  
  
**[9:23am] edgelord™:** do i want to know  
  
**[9:23am] baymax:** Nah, probably no. Guys, any suggestions where I can take Shay for dinner? I kind of freaked out about this date and only planned the planetarium.  
  
**[9:24am] edgelord™:** take her to domino’s and call it a day  
  
**[9:24am] (bi)tter:** how sweet, they’re gonna be married by tomorrow  
  
**[9:24am] the worse holt:** that’s actually not a bad date, planetarium and then pizza? i love it  
  
**[9:25am] (bi)tter:** matt when are you taking me?  
  
**[9:25am] RoboCop:** do you believe in reincarnation? then maybe in your second life  
  
**[9:26am] lesbean:** so possessive  
  
**[9:26am] (bi)tter:** what makes you think it’s my first life?  
  
**[9:26am] annoyance:** uh probably the total lack of experience in literally anything??  
  
**[9:27am] (bi)tter:** oh yeah, must be that  
  
**[9:27am] baymax:** GAYS  
  
**[9:27am] baymax:** GUYS*  
  
**[9:27am] baymax:** Eh, same thing.  
  
**[9:27am] lesbean:** im gonna send you a few places that are very nice but not too expensive bb  
  
**[9:28am] baymax:** A lifesaver!  
  
**[9:28am] (bi)tter:** pidge what u doin today?  
  
**[9:28am] annoyance:** no i don’t want to join you and keith on your girl’s night  
  
**[9:29am] edgelord™:** damn it was worth a try  
  
**[9:29am] annoyance:** are you two already together?  
  
**[9:30am] (bi)tter:** not yet but you know, team effort and all that  
  
**[9:31am] RoboCop:** i will keep your house in my prayers lance

* * *

**SHIRO > LANCE**

**[9:35am] shiro:** hey, it’s me again  
  
**[9:36am] lance:** if you’re going to thank me one more time im throwing the phone outta window man  
  
**[9:38am] shiro:** but it really means a lot to me, i know you were upset with keith but you stepped up anyway and you gave up a thing you’ve been waiting for for months to take care of him, that’s like the most amazing thing ever and i think that maybe this will finally help keith see that he’s really accepted within our little group and he won’t feel alienated anymore  
  
**[9:39am] shiro:** it’s just  
  
**[9:41am] shiro:** it’s big, lance, and im really fucking glad i met you because otherwise my brother probably wouldn’t be so close to me. he didn’t want to spend this weekend with me and i didn’t want to leave him alone, you’re a miracle  
  
**[9:42am] lance:** okay woah wait give me a second  
  
**[9:42am] shiro:** is this because i said fucking  
  
**[9:43am] lance:** yeah  
  
**[9:43am] shiro:** oh my GOD  
  
**[9:43am] lance:** ok im fine  
  
**[9:44am] lance:** first of all, im really really sorry that he didn’t want to spend time with you, i didn’t know that when i offered him to stay with me

 **[9:46am] shiro:** oh no no! that’s totally not what i meant, im glad he opened up to anyone at all, it doesn’t have to be me, it’s really comforting to know he talks to other people because he used to be very closed off when it came to things that bothered him so this change is certainly positive and im proud of him!!  
  
**[9:46am] lance:** shit, you’re such a good brother, mine should learn from u  
  
**[9:47am] lance:** anyway, what do you mean by alienated? does keith really feel that way?  
  
**[9:48am] shiro:** sometimes  
  
**[9:49am] shiro:** i mean, he doesn’t have the best experience with people because a lot of them left him before, it’s not your fault or anything, it’s just that those things make you wary when it comes to friendships later in life  
  
**[9:51am] lance:** fuck, i still feel like maybe it’s kind of my fault ?? i am a petty person and i realize i wasn’t really great towards keith when we first met because he was just better than me and ugh you know me so yeah  
  
**[9:53am] lance:** but i actually talked to keith about it, you know? because i wanted things to get better between us, so even if i would really be upset with him (which i wasn’t, it was just my dramatic genes, thank my dad for this) i wouldn’t just ignore his mental health because i know what he feels right now  
  
**[9:54am] lance:** it might be selfish of me to say so seeing as i had hunk my whole life but i do know what it’s like to be alone and confused with everything that’s happening in my head. it’s hard and if for some reason keith chose to spend his hard time with me, i will try my best to help him  
  
**[9:54am] lance:** you really don’t have to thank me for that, it’s what friends are for  
  
**[9:55am] shiro:** matt is ceying iam Not  
  
**[9:56am] lance:** ahhhh it’s okay to cry, i know im amazing  
  
**[9:57am] shiro:** just don’t have sex with my brother please  
  
**[9:57am] lance:** TAKASHI SHIROGANE I AM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR YOUR MOTHER

* * *

**THE MCCLAINS™**

**[9:41am] mama:** Lance, your brother asked if you can watch Cat and Nico for a few hours today. I know you have Keith over so I can ask your sister instead! Wouldn’t want to ruin your date.  
  
**[9:43am] the meme son:** you know what, im not even gonna  
  
**[9:44am] the meme son:** daphne is with you tho  
  
**[9:44am] papa:** you do know you have more than one sister, right?  
  
**[9:45am] the meme son:** wait what  
  
**[9:45am] the meme son:** lmao is daphne driving right now? what time you wanna have your funeral and which song should i play  
  
**[9:45am] papa:** your sister said you can go screw yourself and she’s now grounded  
  
**[9:46am] mama:** Ooh, can you play the song you were showing me yesterday? You know, the guy with The Voice and he was getting a shower?  
  
**[9:46am] the meme son:** you mean okay by jackson wang? ya i think that “im feeling good right now” is perfect for a funeral, keith would appreciate the black humor  
  
**[9:47am] papa:** okay but what about nico and catalina? should we text veronica, your other sister that will be just delighted you forgot her entire existence?  
  
**[9:48am] the meme son:** nah, i can watch them for a while. vera has plans, she told me  
  
**[9:48am] papa:** so you DO remember her  
  
**[9:49am] mama:** Your father is trying to make himself feel better because he sometimes forgets how many kids he has.  
  
**[9:49am] the meme son:** there are always random people at our house, it’s hard to figure out who’s actually related to me, they all look the same  
  
**[9:49am] mama:** Is that why you were calling your three sisters Daphne 1, 2 and 3 for like first six years of your life?  
  
**[9:54am] the meme son:** I HAVE THREE SISTERS WHAT  
  
**[9:56am] papa:** I KNOW RIGHT THIS IS WILD  
  
**[9:57am] mama:** I can’t believe this. I’ll text your brother to bring Nico and Cat. You’re sure Keith won’t mind?  
  
**[9:59am] papa:** if you’re going to have sex with him, i left condoms in the bathroom downstairs  
  
**[9:59am] the meme son:** aww how thoughtful  
  
**[10:00am] mama:** Excuse me what now?

 _the meme son_ **added** _cryptid_ **to the conversation**

 **[10:03am] the meme son:** keith babe my dad gave us a green light  
  
**[10:03am] cryptid:** um, hello? why am i here?  
  
**[10:04am] the meme son:** read up dude  
  
**[10:05am] mama:** I’m so glad I have two other sons so I won’t feel bad when I kill you tomorrow, Lance.  
  
**[10:05am] the meme son:** do u also have two other husbands? one is shiro, i know it  
  
**[10:06am] cryptid:** oh my god, ms mcclain i am not going to sleep with your son im soSorry  
  
**[10:06am] mama:** Call me Sofia, sweetie. Are you sorry you’re not going to sleep with him?  
  
**[10:07am] the meme son:** THIS IS GOLDEN  
  
**[10:08am] papa:** lance, take a guy to dinner first. what did i tell you? go find your manners child  
  
**[10:09am] cryptid:** im not dating your son!! im sure he would treat his boyfriend very well and take him to dinner first  
  
**[10:10am] the meme son:** IM W HEEZING  
  
**[10:10am] mama:** Oh, well, that’s a shame. I’ve made lasagne for the both of you, it’s in the fridge! Have a nice weekend and don’t blow up the house, LANCE.  
  
**[10:11am] the meme son:** what i do that one time and now it’s a thing?  
  
**[10:11am] papa:** condoms, lance  
  
**[10:12am] cryptid:** okay, goodbye!

 _cryptid_ **left the conversation**

 **[10:13am] the meme son:** you scared him, david :////  
  
**[10:14am] mama:** Yeah, David. Now our son won’t ever get married and move out.  
  
**[10:15am] the meme son:** MAMA

* * *

**KOGAYNE > BILANCE**

**[10:13am] kogayne:** im going to fucking murder you you piece of shit  
  
**[10:16am] bilance:** such harsh words is this because i didn’t treat you to dinner first  
  
**[10:17am] kogayne:** shut the hell up  
  
**[10:17am] kogayne:** do they really think we’re dating  
  
**[10:19am] bilance:** nah they were just teasing. are you coming now or when nico and cat are gone?  
  
**[10:19am] kogayne:** i can come now if you want tho kids terrify me and i might accidentally break one  
  
**[10:20am] bilance:** it’s gonna be okay, im the best uncle ever  
  
**[10:21am] kogayne:** what did your mom say about blowing up the house?  
  
**[10:21am] bilance:** she has no proof shut up  
  
**[10:22am] kogayne:** oh and i do appreciate the black humor in playing okay on a funeral, play that on my too  
  
**[10:23am] bilance:** if i don’t die first  
  
**[10:25am] bilance:** wait this is totally because you have a boner for jackson wang isn’t it  
  
**[10:25am] kogayne:** ya boy what else is there  
  
**[10:26am] bilance:** true that  
  
**[10:59am] kogayne:** OHMT GOD LANC  
  
**[11:03am] kogayne:** LANCR IT’S NOT THE TIME TO LEAVE ME ON READ  
  
**[11:06am] bilance:** why hello comrade what could you possibly need from me  
  
**[11:07am] kogayne:** comrade  
  
**[11:08am] bilance:** im playing pirates with nico the fuck do you want im a busy woman  
  
**[11:10am] kogayne:** A GIRL JUST ASKED ME OUT IN THE MALL

 **[11:11am] bilance:** WHO DID WHAT ON THIS FINE DAY  
  
**[11:12am] kogayne:** woah, you sound pretty surprised, what im not good enough?  
  
**[11:12am] bilance:** no i mean woah what are you wearing  
  
**[11:13am] kogayne:** is this a sext  
  
**[11:14am] bilance:** bc in this leather jacket you look like zayn from behind maybe she got it wrong  
  
**[11:14am] bilance:** or she’s a fan of lion king, you look like kovu  
  
**[11:15am] kogayne:** im blocking your number  
  
**[11:16am] bilance:** no omg what did you say  
  
**[11:17am] kogayne:** okay, sit down because this might come as a shock to you  
  
**[11:17am] kogayne:** im gay  
  
**[11:18am] bilance:** is that a cult  
  
**[11:18am] bilance:** BITCH YOU KNO WHAT I MEAN  
  
**[11:18am] kogayne:** i panicked and said i have a boyfriend  
  
**[11:19am] bilance:** did u show them my picture ;-)  
  
**[11:19am] kogayne:** i said his name is rolo  
  
**[11:20am] bilance:** CHOKE ON AIR  
  
**[11:21am] kogayne:** this never happened before, no one besides rolo asked me out especially not a girl what  
  
**[11:21am] bilance:** wait are you serious  
  
**[11:22am] kogayne:** have you ever seen me going on a date  
  
**[11:23am] bilance:** but you’re hot, why aren’t people asking you out that’s a waste of a perfectly good man wtf  
  
**[11:25am] kogayne:** i have no idea how to respond to that  
  
**[11:25am] bilance:** tell me im pretty  
  
**[11:26am] kogayne:** fuck off  
  
**[11:27am] kogayne:** should i buy alcohol so we can get wasted later  
  
**[11:29am] bilance:** you’re not throwing up all over my house  
  
**[11:29am] kogayne:** what if ill clean  
  
**[11:31am] bilance:** hhhhhhhhh okay but take the bill so we can split it later and ill pay you back, you heartbreaker  
  
**[11:31am] bilance:** casanova  
  
**[11:31am] bilance:** don juan  
  
**[11:32am] kogayne:** read 11:32 ✓

* * *

**KEITH > PIDGE**

**[11:34am] keith:** do u think getting drunk with lance when we’re gonna be alone is a good idea?  
  
**[11:37am] pidge:** absolutely not

 **[11:38am] pidge:** do it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith totally told the girl his boyfriend's name is lance but u didnt hear it from me  
> apparently i stan kpop now well okay i LOVE  
> i know its already been 19 chapters and klance still lowkey isnt a thing but ?? i just love to write them as best friends because they're such a good team and ahh you gotta be patient with me because it is VERY slow burn but its there, we're going somewhere  
> also someone asked me in the comments how i will describe it if klance finally gets together - in a chat form or normal chapter and i honestly dont know ?? what would u guys prefer? because i can write it as a normal chapter if u want, just tell me
> 
> OH AND I'VE WATCHED THE NEW SEASON OF VOLTRON AND ???? THE HOLT FAMILY!!!! AND KEITHS MOM IM CRYING  
> i think thats it for today sorry its so long


	20. party with klance™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[8:37pm] (bi)tter:** i don’t want a relationship, mom, i want a kingdom
> 
> (or, klance providing fan service. that's all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me keeping up with the schedule, pls be proud of me im trying my best
> 
> (bi)tter/the meme son/lance - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop/shiro - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt - matt  
> mamá - sofia mcclain, lance's mom  
> papa - david mcclain, lance's dad  
> luiz - lance's older brother

**YEARS & YEARS™**

**[11:53am] lesbean:** WE’RE AT THE VENUE LANCE I MISS U  
  
**[11:53am] (bi)tter:** DAMN TELL OLLY HE CAN CALL ME ANYTIME  
  
**[11:53am] annoyance:** what did your bf say about it  
  
**[11:54am] (bi)tter:** now listen child, i would dump anyone to date olly  
  
**[11:54am] edgelord™:** square up bitch  
  
**[11:54am] lesbean:** keith came to claim his man, i live for this shit  
  
**[11:54am] (bi)tter:** i pushed him off the couch now who’s gonna square up hoe  
  
**[11:55am] RoboCop:** don’t kill my brother  
  
**[11:55am] (bi)tter:** damn you have so many requests today shiro  
  
**[11:55am] RoboCop:** and is “don’t have sex with my brother” or “don’t kill him” too difficult for you????  
  
**[11:55am] lesbean:** WHAT THE HELL TAKASHI  
  
**[11:55am] the worse holt:** why y gotta ruin my otp  
  
**[11:56am] (bi)tter:** im restraining myself  
  
**[11:56am] lesbean:** we know you just wanna bang him  
  
**[11:56am] (bi)tter:** i mean yeah but his neck looks really snappable right now  
  
**[11:56am] RoboCop:** LANCE MCCLAIN  
  
**[11:57am] annoyance:** DID YOU SJUST SAY YEAH YO BANGING KEITH  
  
**[11:57am] annoyance:** KEITH, A COMMENT PLEASE IT’S FOR NEWSPAPER  
  
**[11:57am] edgelord™:** if it wasn’t for nico and catalina, blood would flood the floors and i would be drinking lance’s tears by now  
  
**[11:57am] lesbean:** ARE YOU BABYSITTING MY KIDS TOGETHER THIS IS LIKE A DREAM WHY IS THIS CONCERT TODAY I’M MISSING OUT ON SO MUCH DAMN OLLY  
  
**[11:57am] RoboCop:** oh my god, are the kids even alive  
  
**[11:58am] edgelord™:** ahh your faith in me warms my cold heart  
  
**[11:58am] (bi)tter:** im like 90% sure nico is klance’s love child, he has hair like keith and his cheekbones but with my skin color and blue eyes  
  
**[11:58am] (bi)tter:** wait imma take a picture  
  
**[11:58am] lesbean:** im crying legit tears  
  
**[11:58am] the worse holt:** SHE IS OH MY GOD  
  
**[11:58am] RoboCop:** i am so embarrassed, they’re both just squealing very loud  
  
**[11:59am] (bi)tter:** keith is being difficult  
  
**[11:59am]**   **(bi)tter:** GO BACK HERE HOE OR IM DIVORCING  
  
**[11:59am] edgelord™:** suck a dick lance, if i were your husband i’d poison your tea  
  
**[11:59am] (bi)tter:** if i were YOUR husband, i’d drink it  
  
**[11:59am] annoyance:** i need a picture of klance family for prosperity bitches  
  
**[11:59am] (bi)tter:** gimme a moment, i need catalina’s help, keith is in love with her  
  
**[12:00pm] edgelord™:** 100% confirmed, i can’t believe she’s related to mcclains  
  
**[12:00pm] edgelord™:** SHIRO LANCE IS TRYING TO MURDER ME  
  
**[12:01pm] (bi)tter:** SNITCHES GET STITCHES  
  
**[12:01pm] RoboCop:** LANCE  
  
**[12:05pm] the worse holt:** they’re both probably dead by now, rip in pieces  
  
**[12:07pm] (bi)tter:** here ya go  
  
**[12:08pm] (bi)tter:** _[klance-fam.jpg attached]_  
  
**[12:09pm] the worse holt:** NOW SHIRO IS SQUEALING THIS IS A BLESSED DAY  
  
**[12:09pm] annoyance:** holy shit nico really looks like a combination of you two, it’s creeping me out now i won’t be able to look at him  
  
**[12:09pm] edgelord™:** he doesn’t look like me at all Shut the hell up  
  
**[12:09pm] RoboCop:** I’M TELLING PARENTS THAT YOU HAVE A CHILD KEITH  
  
**[12:10pm] edgelord™:** and that i’ve had it since i was like 13?¿  
  
**[12:10pm] the worse holt:** stranger things have happened, im a scientist  
  
**[12:10pm] edgelord™:** I DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH LANCE  
  
**[12:11pm] RoboCop:** okay but shouldn’t you actually be babysitting or smth  
  
**[12:11pm] (bi)tter:** oh ya probably, have fun at the show!!  
  
**[12:11pm] edgelord™:** yeah, do a mosh pit  
  
**[12:11pm] lesbean:** there are small kids, we will crush them  
  
**[12:12pm] RoboCop:** no, we will not  
  
**[12:12pm] RoboCop:** OH MY GOD THEY’RE CRUSHING TJE KIDS IGOTTA GO  
  
**[12:12pm] edgelord™:** ha let’s see who will actually die tonight  
  
**[12:13pm] (bi)tter:** losers

* * *

**THE MCCLAINS™**

**[3:11pm] luiz:** I CAME TO TAKE MY KIDS AND GUESS WHAT I SAW  
  
**[3:12pm] mama:** Oh my god, did Lance blow up the house again?  
  
**[3:12pm] papa:** and i told him no funny business with kids in the room, damn it lance  
  
**[3:12pm] luiz:** no dad what the hell  
  
**[3:13pm] luiz:** they’re just all sleeping together on the couch  
  
**[3:13pm] luiz:** _[losers.jpg attached]_

 **[3:14pm] luiz:** is keith lance’s boyfriend?  
  
**[3:14pm] mama:** Lance says no, but no one said that the men of McClains are very bright. Eh.  
  
**[3:14pm] luiz:** mama, lance literally got into a school for geniuses and he’s gonna go to space one day  
  
**[3:15pm] mama:** I’m not saying he’s an idiot but he is a double D. Dumb and Dramatic. He takes after his father.  
  
**[3:15pm] papa:** im literally right here sofia  
  
**[3:15pm] mama:** And now he’s singing Burn from Hamilton.  
  
**[3:16pm] luiz:** well, it is about betrayal  
  
**[3:16pm] papa:** damn straight  
  
**[3:17pm] mama:** Why did I have to have sons at all? My daughters are sweet, very normal people. And then there are my sons.  
  
**[3:17pm] luiz:**  veronica literally drove with lance across thirteen states when she was sixteen and he was only fourteen  
  
**[3:17pm] mama:** Emphasis on “with Lance”. It was his idea and he better be glad that he annoyed the police in San Diego so much they wanted to kick his skinny ass all the way back to California.  
  
**[3:18pm] the meme son:** in this house we won’t tolerate this slander  
  
**[3:18pm] the meme son:** and why are you sending my pics to them, luiz? what about my privacy  
  
**[3:18pm] mama:** There’s no such thing as privacy, especially in our house.  
  
**[3:18pm] the meme son:** yeah i figured that much after i walked in on you and dad and you didn’t even stop  
  
**[3:19pm] luiz:** WHAT  
  
**[3:19pm] the meme son:** why you think i needed therapy when i was sixteen?  
  
**[3:19pm] papa:** lance, we told you not to joke about that  
  
**[3:19pm] the meme son:** the sex thing or therapy thing  
  
**[3:20pm] mama:** Both, actually. How are Nico and Cat?  
  
**[3:20pm] luiz:** alive, surprisingly, covered in glitter, totally unsurprisingly  
  
**[3:20pm] luiz:** i think they like keith more than lance  
  
**[3:21pm] the meme son:** that is a blatant lie and i demand a lawyer  
  
**[3:21pm] luiz:**  just don’t have sex in the kitchen lance it’s gross  
  
**[3:22pm] mama:**  Luiz McClain, don’t encourage your brother.  
  
**[3:22pm] the meme son:** well i think me and keith would actually stop if someone walked in on us  
  
**[3:23pm] papa:** will you ever let this go?  
  
**[3:23pm] the meme son:** mama didn’t let go of you when i walked in tho  
  
**[3:23pm] luiz:** IDJDKAOAODBXJS  
  
**[3:24pm] mama:** I hate this family.

* * *

**PARTY WITH KLANCE™**

**[8:21pm] (bi)tter:** here’s keith in a face mask!!!! _[keithiel.jpg attached]_  
  
**[8:21pm] edgelord™:** here’s lance being fuckin dead for taking pictures of me when im in the bathroom _[manslaughter.jpg attached]_  
  
**[8:22pm] baymax:** What a great time to be alive.

 **[8:23pm] the worse holt:** I LOVE LIFE, MY VISION IS 20/20, MY CROPS ARE WATERED  
  
**[8:23pm] (bi)tter:** HUNK!!!!! how is date with shay?  
  
**[8:23pm] baymax:** I am so in love with her I might actually cry right now.  
  
**[8:24pm] lesbean:** OHMYGOD THAT’S SO SWEET I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU  
  
**[8:24pm] edgelord™:** lance is trying to smile but the mask on his face doesn’t let him, fucking loser  
  
**[8:24pm] edgelord™:** good thing i don’t have an Emotion and i don’t smile  
  
**[8:25pm] (bi)tter:** he almost cried while eating what my mom made earlier  
  
**[8:25pm] annoyance:** did he eat you out  
  
**[8:25pm] RoboCop:** WHAT US HAPPENIGN  
  
**[8:26pm] (bi)tter:** WHAFX PIDHE WHAT  
  
**[8:26pm] lesbean:** well, sofia did make lance tho  
  
**[8:26pm] edgelord™:** how do i leave a conversation  
  
**[8:26pm] (bi)tter:** IT WAS LASAGNE YOU HEATHENS  
  
**[8:27pm] baymax:** I think I just cried a little.  
  
**[8:27pm] the worse holt:** pidge im telling mom  
  
**[8:28pm] annoyance:** damn dudes why so Extra

 **[8:28pm] (bi)tter:** we’re good kids pidge, we’ve been watching the amazing world of gumball for like three hours  
  
**[8:28pm] RoboCop:** you’re both still alive so it’s going better than i thought it would tbh  
  
**[8:29pm] edgelord™:** yeah well lance is taking this whole sleepover thing kind of seriously, he even made a blanket fort  
  
**[8:29pm] lesbean:** OMG  
  
**[8:29pm] (bi)tter:** what kinda sleepover would it be without a blanket fort, what am i, a peasant?  
  
**[8:30pm] the worse holt:** lance do you wanna be my boyfriend?  
  
**[8:30pm] lesbean:** STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE MATTHEW  
  
**[8:30pm] edgelord™:** now that’s a plot twist  
  
**[8:31pm] (bi)tter:** BITCH I’VE BEEN WAITING 80 YEARS FOR THAT QUESTION  
  
**[8:31pm] edgelord™:** you’re 19  
  
**[8:31pm] RoboCop:** matt, is that because i ACCIDENTALLY ruined your blanket fort two years ago?  
  
**[8:31pm] the worse holt:** “accidentally” my ass, that was premeditated murder  
  
**[8:32pm] annoyance:** shiro, after almost twenty three years of knowing this dumbass you should have known that no one touches his blanket forts  
  
**[8:32pm] lesbean:** even a future husband?  
  
**[8:32pm] the worse holt:** ESPECIALLY a future husband  
  
**[8:32pm] RoboCop:** who said im gonna marry him? he just broke up with me for lance  
  
**[8:33pm] (bi)tter:** did i just ruin my otp  
  
**[8:33pm] (bi)tter:** sorry matt, im taken  
  
**[8:34pm] the worse holt:** wtf by who  
  
**[8:34pm] edgelord™:** the pizza guy who was here like twenty minutes ago, he actually gave lance his number  
  
**[8:34pm] (bi)tter:** he was fiiiine  
  
**[8:35pm] lesbean:** EXCUSE ME WHAT NOW  
  
**[8:35pm] (bi)tter:** okay, he wasn’t that fine  
  
**[8:36pm] annoyance:** you just want free pizza  
  
**[8:36pm] (bi)tter:** ya what else is there lmao

 **[8:37pm] lesbean:** lance, do you want me to set u up? selene has nice friends  
  
**[8:37pm] (bi)tter:** i don’t want a relationship, mom, i want a kingdom  
  
**[8:38pm] the worse holt:** DAMN STRAIGHT

 **[8:38pm] annoyance:** ooooooo guys hunk came home with shay  
  
**[8:39pm] baymax:** Are you spying on me?  
  
**[8:39pm] annoyance:** ya i see you through the window  
  
**[8:39pm] (bi)tter:** my son is growing up so fast imma cry  
  
**[8:39pm] baymax:** I’m muting this chat.  
  
**[8:40pm] lesbean:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN MUTING ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH US

 **[8:40pm] annoyance:** lmao i have this chat muted all the time  
  
**[8:41pm] (bi)tter:** snakes everywhere  
  
**[8:41pm] the worse holt:** we can’t trust anyone

 **[8:41pm] RoboCop:** unbelievable  
  
**[8:41pm] edgelord™:** the disrespect  
  
**[8:42pm] annoyance:** WHAT KIND OF GANG BANG

* * *

**SHIRO > LANCE**

**[9:21pm] shiro:** how’s keith?  
  
**[9:21pm] lance:** sad, i think  
  
**[9:22pm] lance:** permission to kill rolo  
  
**[9:22pm] shiro:** granted  
  
**[9:23pm] shiro:** keep me posted?

 **[9:23pm] lance:** sure thing, he’s gonna be okay  
  
**[9:24pm] shiro:** i hope so

* * *

**MOANA > MAUI**

**[1:13am] moana:** i wanna kiss him  
  
**[1:14am] moana:** should i kiss him  
  
**[1:16am] maui:** I really hate to rain on your parade but…. Are you drunk?

 **[1:17am] moana:** ya i think weboth are¿

 **[1:18am] maui:** Then listen to me, okay? I’m really happy you’re in love but you don’t want your first kiss with him to be a drunken one. Trust me.  
  
**[1:18am] moana:** what if he wont want to kiss Me ehen he’s sober  
  
**[1:19am] maui:** DON’T MAKE ME CRY LANCE

 **[1:19am] maui:** He wants to, he really does. Have I ever lied to you?

 **[1:19am] moana:** probably but i dont remember now so imma trust you

 **[1:20am] moana:** love u buddy

 **[1:22am] maui:** You too, man. Have a good night! And be safe, please.  
  
**[1:23am] moana:** <3

* * *

**PARTY WITH KLANCE™**

**[3:13am] edgelord™:** WGY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME LANCE IS SLEEPWALKING

* * *

  _and here's the cutest art ever of lance with nico and cat made by the lovely @space.boys.art (instagram) !!_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh finally some canon name for lance's family !! u guys have no idea how happy i am that they gave us something like that this season ,, i mean? lance mentioning his family (finally!!!!)? im ALL for that shit  
> im so glad that so many of you were happy to know that keith is demisexual because its my fave headcanon and people have insulted me because of that before so i was kinda anxious to put it here but you guys are so amazing and accepting i love my woke readers !!!  
> one more thing: if any of you does art for this fic and want to tag me, my tumblr is @jeongint but please SEND ME A MESSAGE WITH A LINK TO IT, whether it's in comments here or a message on tumblr, just please let me know bc i get so many notifs that its easy for me to miss it and i'd love to see what you created because im always so honored!!  
> i love u all my aliens


	21. miro intervention™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[5:08pm] edgelord™:** miro sounds like a russian guy on drugs
> 
> **[5:08pm] (bi)tter:** so basically matt
> 
> (or, they can't live one [1] day without any drama)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bi)tter/bilance/lancey - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt/matteo - matt

**PARTY WITH KLANCE™**

  
**[8:12am] RoboCop:** WHY IS THERE A PICTURE FROM THE ER ON LANCE’S INSTAGRAM  
  
 **[8:13am] annoyance:** KEITH U FUCKIN IDIOT DID YOU LEAVE HIS BEDROOM DOOR OPENED AT NIGHT DIXNZKAOSBXND  
  
 **[8:15am] edgelord™:** WAS I NOT SUSPPOSED TO  
  
 **[8:15am] lesbean:** lance can’t open the doors when he’s sleepwalking so he usually just bumps into the walls or furniture

**[8:16am] edgelord™:** well, he fucking bumped pretty nice this time lmao  
  
 **[8:16am] RoboCop:** KEITH  
  
 **[8:16am] baymax:** IS HE OKAY OH MY GOD  
  
 **[8:17am] annoyance:** the question is does he have any brains left to damage tho

**[8:17am] the worse holt:** HOW’S LANCE WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED  
  
 **[8:17am] edgelord™:** you’re not gonna fucking believe this dudes  
  
 **[8:18am] lesbean:** are you still drunk  
  
 **[8:18am] edgelord™:** lmao he was sleepwalking and he fell down the stairs  
  
 **[8:18am] baymax:** WHAT  
  
 **[8:19am] RoboCop:** KEITH WHAT THE HELL  
  
 **[8:19am] the worse holt:** I KNOW I SHOULDN’T BE LAUGHING RIGHT NOW BUT I’M SO GOING TO HELL  
  
 **[8:20am] (bi)tter:** ya boi if you’re going to hell i’ll drive the bus  
  
 **[8:20am] baymax:** LANCE BUDDY ARE YOU OKAY  
  
 **[8:21am] the worse holt:** AND THE HERO OF THE NIGHT APPEARS  
  
 **[8:21am] RoboCop:** is anyone going to tell me what happened or should i call the Parents  
  
 **[8:22am] (bi)tter:** hhhh i though u were gonna say cops and i was like damn yes officer arrest me

**[8:22am] annoyance:** real talk, are you both still drunk in the er  
  
 **[8:23am] edgelord™:** nope but they gave lance aesthetic  
  
 **[8:23am] lesbean:** anesthetic?  
  
 **[8:23am] edgelord™:** yea what she said  
  
 **[8:23am] RoboCop:** i can’t believe this  
  
 **[8:24am] RoboCop:** actually i can and that’s even worse  
  
 **[8:24am] the worse holt:** we knew it’s gonna be bad but tell me if you at least had sex

**[8:24am] RoboCop:** MATTHEW HOLT THAT IS MY BROTHER  
  
 **[8:25am] (bi)tter:** ya  
  
 **[8:25am] RoboCop:** WHAT HOW WHEN  
  
 **[8:25am] annoyance:** I CHOKED ON MY TEA  
  
 **[8:25am] lesbean:** AM I JUST SEEING THINGS  
  
 **[8:26am] edgelord™:** well you know just guys being dudes  
  
 **[8:26am] (bi)tter:** dudes being pals  
  
 **[8:26am] edgelord™:** and by pals he means fucking  
  
 **[8:27am] the worse holt:** i think shiro is having an aneurysm  
  
 **[8:27am] baymax:** I’m crying, oh my God.  
  
 **[8:28am] annoyance:** it was worth eighty years of waiting  
  
 **[8:28am] lesbean:** lmao is shiro ok  
  
 **[8:28am] the worse holt:** he’s fuckin dead  
  
 **[8:28am] annoyance:** wake him up  
  
 **[8:29am] (bi)tter:** WAKE HIM UP INSIDE  
  
 **[8:29am] lesbean:** can’t wake up  
  
 **[8:29am] (bi)tter:** WAKE HIM UP INSIDE  
  
 **[8:29am] baymax:** SAVE HIM  
  
 **[8:29am] RoboCop:** im giving you all up for adoption, that’s it  
  
 **[8:30am] edgelord™:** history does like to repeat itself  
  
 **[8:30am] annoyance:** IMCRYINF  
  
 **[8:30am] lesbean:** HOLY FUCK  
  
 **[8:31am] RoboCop:** OH NO I TAKE THAT BACK I’M SO SORRY  
  
 **[8:31am] edgelord™:** lance fell off the bed and the nurse wants to kick me out  
  
 **[8:31am] (bi)tter:** KEITH IS SINGING I’M STILL STANDING THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE  
  
 **[8:31am] baymax:** Lance, are you okay though? Did you call your mom?  
  
 **[8:32am] (bi)tter:** im totally fine!!!! and my mama can’t know so i demand a blood oath right Now  
  
 **[8:32am] edgelord™:** he had a minor concussion and he sprained his ankle  
  
 **[8:33am] annoyance:** lance why the fuck u lyin  
  
 **[8:33am] the worse holt:** why you always lyin  
  
 **[8:33am] lesbean:** mmmmm oh my god stop fuckin lying  
  
 **[8:33am] (bi)tter:** biphobia at its finest  
  
 **[8:33am] (bi)tter:** but please don’t text my parents, they won’t let me move out  
  
 **[8:34am] lesbean:** since when are u moving out?  
  
 **[8:34am] (bi)tter:** im not 100% sure but i figured i should since im almost 20 and stuff  
  
 **[8:34am] edgelord™:** fyi he’s drugged out of his mind so like ,, don’t listen to him  
  
 **[8:35am] (bi)tter:** listen, tokio hotel  
  
 **[8:35am] edgelord™:** you listen, nicki minaj  
  
 **[8:35am] annoyance:** i can’t believe i actually missed you two doing that  
  
 **[8:35am] RoboCop:** aren’t you in one room?  
  
 **[8:36am] edgelord™:** nah the nurse was a better phil collins  
  
 **[8:36am] RoboCop:** do you guys want me to pick you up at the hospital?  
  
 **[8:36am] edgelord™:** if you’re going to be a Dad then no  
  
 **[8:36am] RoboCop:** too bad youngsters, im going  
  
 **[8:37am] lesbean:** WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HIM  
  
 **[8:37am] the worse holt:** he got laid  
  
 **[8:37am] RoboCop:** you did not just say that?  
  
 **[8:38am] baymax:** I LOVE THIS CHAT

* * *

**SPACE CADETS™**

**[10:18am] (bi)tter:** WHYISNT KEITH IN CLASS TODAY  
  
 **[10:19am] RoboCop:** why are you there? you were supposed to stay home  
  
 **[10:19am] annoyance:** BUT IVERSON IS CHOOSING PILOTS FOR TRAINING TODAY WHERE IS KEITH  
  
 **[10:19am] baymax:** Holy shit, I’m not even a pilot and I’m so stressed out.  
  
 **[10:20am] lesbean:** but that’s a good thing, right? it means you’ll fly soon, yeah?  
  
 **[10:20am] annoyance:** YES OMG THE BEST CADETS ARE GOING TO FLY  
  
 **[10:20am] (bi)tter:** that’s why keith should be fuckin here  
  
 **[10:20am] lesbean:** ahh excited pidge is so precious  
  
 **[10:21am] lesbean:** why are you excited tho, you’re not a pilot?  
  
 **[10:21am] baymax:** But the pilots will be able to choose their tech and mechanic!

**[10:21am] annoyance:** which means that if lance or keith gets chosen, im flying too!!!!!  
  
 **[10:22am] the worse holt:** OH MY GOD YOU GO PIDGE  
  
 **[10:22am] RoboCop:** so many things are happening right now, this is bad for my health  
  
 **[10:22am] lesbean:** take it easy grandpa  
  
 **[10:23am] (bi)tter:** WHERE SKEITH  
  
 **[10:23am] edgelord™:** the fuck you so loud for its ten in the morning  
  
 **[10:23am] (bi)tter:** I’LL FUCK YOU UP  
  
 **[10:24am] edgelord™:** i was throwing up all night and i overslept, can’t you just tell iverson that if im good enough i can fly?  
  
 **[10:24am] baymax:** “If”?  
  
 **[10:25am] annoyance:** “good enough”?

**[10:25am] RoboCop:** keith, are you okay?  
  
 **[10:26am] edgelord™:** yeah, im drinking water and mom said she’ll check up on me during lunch, don’t worry  
  
 **[10:26am] (bi)tter:** KEITH YOU’RE IN OH MY GOD I MIGHT ACTUALLY CRY  
  
 **[10:27am] lesbean:** now that’s a supportive boyfriend  
  
 **[10:27am] edgelord™:** allura im going to fight you  
  
 **[10:27am] lesbean:** UM, FINALLY??? IMMA STEP ON YOU  
  
 **[10:28am] (bi)tter:** I’M GONNA FLY TOO HOLY SHIT OFNZJOABXIEBXJANF  
  
 **[10:28am] baymax:** THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND  
  
 **[10:29am] the worse holt:** I’M SO PROUD OF THE BOTH OF YOU AND SHIRO IS CRYING  
  
 **[10:29am] RoboCop:** I AM NOT  
  
 **[10:29am] RoboCop:** im just really happy, you both deserve it so much  
  
 **[10:30am] annoyance:** HUNK IT MEANS WE’RE FLYING TOO  
  
 **[10:30am] edgelord™:** ya lance did you put us together?  
  
 **[10:31am] (bi)tter:** well, no because you’re top of the class and i didn’t know if you’d want to be with me  
  
 **[10:31am] lesbean:** lance bb shut up you’re too good  
  
 **[10:32am] edgelord™:** hunk, are you close enough to lance’s head to hit it?  
  
 **[10:32am] baymax:** I will certainly try my best.  
  
 **[10:32am] (bi)tter:** TREASON

* * *

**KOGAYNE > BILANCE**

**[10:34am] kogayne:** lance you’ve had a concussion because of me, im not letting you fly with anyone else  
  
 **[10:34am] bilance:** but im not at your level yet!!! and it wasn’t because of you, i mean i don’t remember shit before waking up in the hospital but it wasn’t the first time lmao don’t worry  
  
 **[10:35am] kogayne:** i’ve already told you that you’re a great pilot and i really, really wanna fly with you  
  
 **[10:35am] kogayne:** and you should have fucking told me you’re sleepwalking you asshole i was scared  
  
 **[10:35am] bilance:** damn boi you ruined a proposal with that  
  
 **[10:36am] kogayne:** ?¿  
  
 **[10:36am] bilance:** “i really wanna fly with you” is a pilot’s proposal, im not making the rules  
  
 **[10:37am] kogayne:** you’re so full of shit  
  
 **[10:37am] kogayne:** are we gonna do this or no?  
  
 **[10:37am] bilance:** is this a sext  
  
 **[10:38am] kogayne:** OH MY GOD SHUT UP  
  
 **[10:38am] bilance:** you’re sure you want it to be me? there are better people in our class  
  
 **[10:39am]kogayne:** no one’s as good as you and you’re good enough  
  
 **[10:39am] bilance:** thank you keith  
  
 **[10:40am] kogayne:** just the truth

* * *

**SHATT INTERVENTION™**

**_annoyance_ added _(bi)tter, edgelord™, baymax_ and _lesbean_**

  
**[5:01pm] (bi)tter:** DELETE THIS CHAT RIGHT NOW OR I’M PERSONALLY DISOWNING SHIRO AND MATT  
  
 **[5:01pm] annoyance:** shut the hell up or i’ll make you  
  
 **[5:02pm] edgelord™:** we are so not calling them shatt  
  
 **[5:02pm] annoyance:** is that REALLY important right now  
  
 **[5:03pm] (bi)tter:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME IT SOUNDS LIKE SHIT  
  
 **[5:03pm] annoyance:** you have 3 seconds for a name, im counting  
  
 **[5:03pm] (bi)tter:** miro  
  
 **[5:04pm] (bi)tter:** makashi  
  
 **[5:04pm] edgelord™:** takatt, its magical almost like tadam  
  
 **[5:05pm lesbean:** no its not?¿  
  
 **[5:06pm] (bi)tter:** i vote for kicking keith out  
  
 **[5:06pm] baymax:** What is going on?  
  
 **[5:06pm] annoyance:** how is any of this better than shatt really what the hell lance  
  
 **[5:07pm] lesbean:** miro sounds cute tbh

**_annoyance_ changed the name to _MIRO INTERVENTION™_**

**[5:08pm] edgelord™:** miro sounds like a russian guy on drugs  
  
 **[5:08pm] (bi)tter:** so basically matt

**[5:08pm] edgelord™:** that’s a Point  
  
 **[5:08pm] annoyance:** i will literally kill you all one by one  
  
 **[5:09pm] lesbean:** ok why are we intervening?  
  
 **[5:09pm] annoyance:** THEY HAD A FIGHT LIKE A REAL ONE AND THEY WERE SCREAMING SO LOUD AND SHIRO LEFT AND MATT WAS BLASTING OUT CURSES AND IT EAS TRRRIFYING AND ITHINK I’M GOING TO CRY THEY NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE  
  
 **[5:09pm] (bi)tter:** what the fuck

* * *

**LANCEY > MATTEO**

**[5:09pm] lancey:** what the fuck matthew holt

* * *

**MIRO INTERVENTION™**

**[5:10pm] edgelord™:** but shiro hasn’t said anything about it  
  
 **[5:10pm] baymax:** Alright, first of all, calm down Pidge. Do you want me to come over?  
  
 **[5:11pm] annoyance:** yes please  
  
 **[5:11pm] (bi)tter:** are you alright?  
  
 **[5:12pm] edgelord™:** i can kick shiro’s ass for you if you want  
  
 **[5:12pm] annoyance:** no, it’s fine its just that they really never fought before and this sounded so serious, i got freaked out because they screamed a lot  
  
 **[5:12pm] lesbean:** understandable, i can’t believe they were ignorant enough to do this while you were home, they work for nasa they’re supposed to be smart  
  
 **[5:13pm] (bi)tter:** like what if there was an asteroid going our way and they wouldn’t notice because they’re fighting? who would call bruce willis to destroy it and die for earth? UM EXCUSE ME THERE ARE PRIORITIES  
  
 **[5:13pm] edgelord™:** i, personally, vote for kicking lance out  
  
 **[5:13pm] annoyance:** LANCE I HATEYO U  
  
 **[5:13pm] annoyance:** BUT I ALSO WANT TO PAT YOUR HEAD  
  
 **[5:14pm] (bi)tter:** i think i just cried a little  
  
 **[5:14pm] baymax:** Pidge, do you know why they were arguing?  
  
 **[5:14pm] (bi)tter:** shiro and matt literally caused a tornado in korea and kim dzong ul is probably gathering his army to bring war to california, personally, and hunk be like “what they little love squarrel ‘bout?”  
  
 **[5:14pm] lesbean:** STOP I’M CHOKING  
  
 **[5:15pm] edgelord™:** lance is into that, don’t encourage him  
  
 **[5:15pm] (bi)tter:** that’s so true, i can’t believe you remember my kinks  
  
 **[5:15pm] baymax:** Okay, so I just walked into Pidge’s room and they were crying from laughter so I guess thank you, Lance.  
  
 **[5:15pm] annoyance:** HINESTLY THANK YOU HOLY SHIT TORNADO IN KOREA I CSNT BELIEVE WE’RE FRIENDS  
  
 **[5:16pm] (bi)tter:** it freaks me out when pidge is freaked out so im glad that that’s under control  
  
 **[5:16pm] annoyance:** i have no idea why they were fighting but it mustve been serious if it made them act like that, i dont want them to break up they were together forever  
  
 **[5:17pm] edgelord™:** that’s why they won’t break up, they don’t even know how to be without each other at this point  
  
 **[5:17pm] lesbean:** that’s weirdly sweet for you, keith  
  
 **[5:17pm] edgelord™:** im a very Sweet and Affectionate person, excuse you  
  
 **[5:17pm] lesbean:** i think the earth is shaking underneath my feet because all my fundamental beliefs have been destroyed right now  
  
 **[5:18pm] (bi)tter:** RT  
  
 **[5:18pm] edgelord™:** oh fuck you guys  
  
 **[5:19pm] (bi)tter:** im gonna talk to matt, keithiel try talking to shiro, okay? i can’t believe they raised voices at each other outside of the bedroom  
  
 **[5:19pm] annoyance:** GROSS MCCLAIN  
  
 **[5:19pm] annoyance:** but also true, eh  
  
 **[5:19pm] lesbean:** pidge bb you just don’t stress yourself out and have fun with hunk, everything will be okay  
  
 **[5:19pm] annoyance:** im just really worried about my brother, he’s an idiot but he loves shiro so much and he can’t lose him  
  
 **[5:19pm] edgelord™:** he won’t, we’ll figure this out  
  
 **[5:20pm] (bi)tter:** sure we will, miro intervention is in motion!!!  
  
 **[5:20pm] annoyance:** what have i done

* * *

**MATTEO > LANCEY**

**[5:09pm] lancey:** what the fuck matthew holt  
  
 **[5:19pm] matteo:** i think shiro broke up with me

**[5:20pm] lancey:** WHAT THE FUCKJ MATTHEW HOLT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry please dont hate me


	22. space cadets™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[6:20pm] edgelord™:** why you so dramatic? this isn’t war, we’re not splitting into camps
> 
>  **[6:20pm] (bi)tter:** personally im team matt
> 
>  **[6:20pm] edgelord™:** FIGHT ME
> 
> (or, coran turns out to be the biggest snake)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love how comments under the last chapter were either "KLANCE FUCKED" or "SHATT NO WHY"  
> i hope this chapter clears a few things out ;-)
> 
> (bi)tter/the meme son/bilance/moana - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne/keith - keith  
> baymax/maui - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> RoboCop/shiro - shiro  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt/matteo - matt  
> mamá - sofia mcclain, lance's mom

**MATTEO > LANCEY**

**[5:09pm] lancey:** what the fuck matthew holt  
  
**[5:19pm] matteo:** i think shiro broke up with me  
  
**[5:20pm] lancey:** WHAT THE FUCKJ MATTHEW HOLT  
  
**[5:21pm] matteo:** i don’t know, i tried to call him but he’s not picking up and i have no idea what to do oh my god  
  
**[5:21pm] matteo:** oh my god lance what if he broke up with me i wanted to marry him  
  
**[5:22pm] lancey:** okay just calm down, im sure he didn’t break up with you, he loves you too much, it’s just a fight  
  
**[5:22pm] matteo:** BUT WE NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE  
  
**[5:22pm] lancey:** well, better now than after marriage, right?  
  
**[5:23pm] matteo:** holy shit im a mess, i can’t let pidge see me like this  
  
**[5:23pm] lancey:** they’ve heard you earlier when you were screaming  
  
**[5:23pm] matteo:** i know and i know i need to apologize but i just cant do this now i can’t talk to anyone i don’t know what to do  
  
**[5:24pm] lancey:** don’t do anything, okay? just stay home and wait for me, i’ll come get you because pidge is with hunk right now so you can stay at mine as long as you need to, yeah?  
  
**[5:24pm] matteo:** thank you so much lance i would die without you  
  
**[5:25pm] lancey:** you wouldn’t because you’re an independent scientist that works for nasa and i love you  
  
**[5:25pm] matteo:** okay now im crying, i love you more  
  
**[5:25pm] lancey:** !!!!!  
  
**[5:25pm] lancey:** i’ll be there in 15  
  
**[5:25pm] matteo:** <3<3<3<3<3

* * *

**KEITH > SHIRO**

**[5:22pm] keith:** okay, you tell me now what the hell is wrong with you?  
  
**[5:23pm] shiro:** hello to you too my dear brother  
  
**[5:23pm] keith:** cut it out, what’s with you and matt?  
  
**[5:24pm] shiro:** what’s with you and lance?  
  
**[5:24pm] keith:** im in love with him but im too scared to tell him even if i think he might like me too

 **[5:25pm] keith:** your turn  
  
**[5:25pm] shiro:** i was….. Not expecting that  
  
**[5:25pm] shiro:** we just had a fight, it’s not your business

 **[5:26pm] keith:** oh but you didn’t think it’s not pidge’s business when you were screaming and freaking them out?  
  
**[5:26pm] shiro:** i don’t want to talk about this keith  
  
**[5:27pm] keith:** so your bullshit about communication is good only when it doesn’t apply to you?  
  
**[5:27pm] shiro:** why are you mad at me?

 **[5:27pm] keith:** im not mad at you, im just worried and i want you to talk to me  
  
**[5:28pm] shiro:** well, i dont want to talk, not right now  
  
**[5:28pm] keith:** okay  
  
**[5:28pm] keith:** just text me from time to time to let me know you’re fine  
  
**[5:29pm] shiro:** and who’s being a dad now?  
  
**[5:29pm] keith:** fuck off  
  
**[5:29pm] shiro:** there it is

* * *

**MIRO INTERVENTION™**

**[6:15pm] edgelord™:** well i’ve got nothing

 **[6:15pm] lesbean:** our first fallen soldier

 **[6:16pm] (bi)tter:** okay so matt told me everything but im not sure if it’s alright to talk about it here since,, you know

 **[6:16pm] (bi)tter:** but it’s quite serious  
  
**[6:16pm] annoyance:** but they didn’t break up, did they?  
  
**[6:16pm] (bi)tter:** no, at least not yet but it’s not the most important part  
  
**[6:17pm] (bi)tter:** pidge, matt said he’ll talk to you about it later

 **[6:17pm] baymax:** Well, now I am freaking out. Can you at least tell us the topic of the fight?

 **[6:17pm] (bi)tter:** it was about work  
  
**[6:17pm] edgelord™:** what the fuck are you kidding me  
  
**[6:18pm] lesbean:** like what, like did they discover aliens and matt wanted to tell us but shiro said no?¿

 **[6:18pm] (bi)tter:** BITCH I WISH

 **[6:18pm] edgelord™:** IT BETTER BE ABOUT ALIENS CAUSE I WAS NOT SIGNING UP FOR THIS SHIT

 **[6:19pm] annoyance:** so what do we do now? what if they’ll want us to pick a side or something  
  
**[6:19pm] lesbean:** i will snap their necks

 **[6:19pm] edgelord™:** things suddenly got interesting  
  
**[6:19pm] (bi)tter:** shut up matt would pick shiro’s side anyway  
  
**[6:19pm] annoyance:** im so stressed, is this what shiro meant when he said about friends dating friends  
  
**[6:20pm] edgelord™:** why you so dramatic? this isn’t war, we’re not splitting into camps  
  
**[6:20pm] (bi)tter:** personally im team matt  
  
**[6:20pm] edgelord™:** FIGHT ME  
  
**[6:21pm] annoyance:** it’s starting, who’s gonna call bruce willis now  
  
**[6:21pm] lesbean:** coran went to school with him, did you know?

 **[6:22pm] (bi)tter:** WHAT  
  
**[6:22pm] baymax:** WHAT  
  
**[6:23pm] lesbean:** yeah coran was a few years lower but they even have a picture together  
  
**[6:23pm] (bi)tter:** CORAN WENT TO SCHOOL WITH BRUCE FUCKING WILLIS AND NEVER TOLD ME WHAT IS THIS BETRAYAL  
  
**[6:23pm] edgelord™:** i can’t believe there are snakes everywhere  
  
**[6:24pm] baymax:** I’M CRYING

 **[6:24pm] annoyance:** you call this crying i call this a dying whale  
  
**[6:24pm] lesbean:** lmao who’s gonna call greenpeace  
  
**[6:24pm] baymax:** Excuse me, is this about my weight?  
  
**[6:25pm] lesbean:** oh my god of course it wasn’t  
  
**[6:25pm] annoyance:** he’s laughing, don’t worry  
  
**[6:25pm] baymax:** Exposed. I was just joking, don’t worry.  
  
**[6:26pm] (bi)tter:** hunk you beautiful man, marry me  
  
**[6:26pm] baymax:** I’ll ask Shay.  
  
**[6:26pm] (bi)tter:** hoes before bros, huh? i see how it is  
  
**[6:26pm] annoyance:** OK BUT WHAT ABOUT SHIRO AND MATT  
  
**[6:27pm] lesbean:** we just need to give them time, i guess  
  
**[6:27pm] (bi)tter:** what we need is talk to coran about keeping secrets like bruce willis from us smh  
  
**[6:28pm] edgelord™:** allura why did you even tell him that he won’t shut up now  
  
**[6:28pm] (bi)tter:** fuck off, baby metal  
  
**[6:28pm] edgelord™:** I DO NOT LISTEN TO BABY METAL, TAYLOR SWIFT  
  
**[6:29pm] (bi)tter:** enough with this slander  
  
**[6:29pm] edgelord™:** read 6:29 ✓  
  
**[6:29pm] baymax:** (((((((boyfriends)))))))  
  
**[6:29pm] lesbean:** !!!!!!

 **[6:30pm] (bi)tter:** read 6:30 ✓

* * *

**KOGAYNE > BILANCE**

**[3:12am] kogayne:** lance when you said you don’t remember anything before waking up in the hospital, do you mean anything anything?  
  
**[3:14am] bilance:** keith it’s 3am

 **[3:14am] kogayne:** good, so you’re awake

 **[3:14am] bilance:** who said that

 **[3:15am] kogayne:** just answer the damn question  
  
**[3:15am] bilance:** personally im a fan of ignoring the problem until it eventually goes away  
  
**[3:15am] kogayne:** did you just  
  
**[3:15am] kogayne:** is that a teen wolf reference  
  
**[3:16am] kogayne:** do you want to die  
  
**[3:16am] bilance:** yeah like you didn’t have hots for derek  
  
**[3:16am] kogayne:** everyone had hots for derek, have you seen him in s3  
  
**[3:17am] bilance:** hhhhhhhh i was focused on nogitsune stiles and!!!! kira!!!  
  
**[3:17am] kogayne:** lame  
  
**[3:17am] bilance:** but to answer your question, i just don’t remember the sleepwalking thing  
  
**[3:17am] kogayne:** so you do remember everything else?  
  
**[3:18am] bilance:** i wasn’t that drunk, keith  
  
**[3:18am] kogayne:** so it means……  
  
**[3:19am] bilance:** you really want me to spell it out  
  
**[3:19am] bilance:** okay yes i do remember you trying to kiss me, there you go  
  
**[3:19am] kogayne:** oh okay fine  
  
**[3:20am] kogayne:** but in my defense i was pretty drunk and like,, really happy but also drunk  
  
**[3:21am] bilance:** are you saying you wouldn’t try if we were sober?  
  
**[3:21am] kogayne:** definitely not  
  
**[3:21am] kogayne:** ok more like probably not  
  
**[3:21am] kogayne:** i don’t think so?  
  
**[3:22am] kogayne:** i mean, you moved away so it doesn’t matter anyway, yeah? im really sorry for that  
  
**[3:22am] bilance:** but that’s  
  
**[3:22am] bilance:** no, okay, good im not mad  
  
**[3:23am] kogayne:** great, i wouldn’t want things to get awkward or anything  
  
**[3:24am] kogayne:** i mean we have enough trouble now with shiro and matt and you know, i dont think friends dating friends is that good seeing how messed up things are between all of us now that shiro and matt are fighting, so i wouldn’t want to make it worse  
  
**[3:24am] bilance:** i get it and as painful as it is for me to admit anything like that, you’re right  
  
**[3:24am] kogayne:** i have screenshots  
  
**[3:25am] bilance:** THE AUDACITY

* * *

**MOANA > MAUI**

**[3:27am] moana:** _[screenshot-2456887.jpg attached]_  
  
**[8:12am] maui:** Oh shit, is this real?

 **[8:12am] moana:** what, you think i just create fake messages and pretend keith sent them? come on buddy  
  
**[8:13am] maui:** But that’s really sad, Lance. How do you feel?  
  
**[8:13am] moana:** like midoriya when he was still learning how to use one for all  
  
**[8:14am] maui:** I haven’t watched this anime yet but I’m gonna assume it’s bad.

 **[8:14am] moana:** im gonna be fine, it’s not like i expected anything else  
  
**[8:15am] moana:** right now i just want shiro and matt to be okay  
  
**[8:15am] maui:** They will be. And you will be too, good people deserve good things.  
  
**[8:15am] maui:** And Lance?  
  
**[8:15am] moana:** yeah buddy?

 **[8:16am] maui:** Were you serious about moving out from your parents?  
  
**[8:16am] moana:** probably, i mean right now im spending most of the time in the dorms anyway so i was thinking that maybe during summer? idk yet  
  
**[8:16am] maui:** Would you like to look for an apartment together? It’d be easier with rent and all that, but only if you want to!  
  
**[8:17am] moana:** omg that would be so awesome, are you sure you want to live with me? like, it’s still 3 months left and if you’ll be with shay (i really hope so!!!), wouldn’t you prefer to live with her?

 **[8:18am] maui:** I mean, one day for sure. But we haven’t been dating for that long and I don’t want to rush into anything. She had some shitty experiences with boyfriends before so I wouldn’t want to pressure her! And I’d really love to live with you, you’re my favorite person after all.  
  
**[8:18am] moana:** hhhhhhhhh how did i get so lucky  <3<3<3<3  
  
**[8:18am] maui:** You’re a child of the universe, the stars love you.  
  
**[8:19am] moana:** HOW ARE YOU EVEN REAL HUNK  


* * *

**THE MCCLAINS™**

**[8:21am] the meme son:** 911 i need an ambulance, it’s a heart attack  
  
**[8:22am] mama:** Lance, I’ve already told you that they don’t treat heart attacks caused by overflowing love for your friends.  
  
**[8:22am] the meme son:** BUT HUNK IS MAKING ME FEEL THINGS AGAIN SOMEONE ARREST HIM  
  
**[8:23am] mama:** You’re so precious, mi niño.

 **[8:24am] the meme son:** a mess is what i am right now, a brokenhearted mess and i need ice cream  
  
**[8:24am] mama:** Oh baby, you’ll need to get your ass up and go to the mall. I can't get off work.  
  
**[8:25am] the meme son:** but mama, i have matt over and it’s an emergency  
  
**[8:25am] mama:** Lance, should I be worried about you?  
  
**[8:25am] mama:** I mean, more than I usually am.  
  
**[8:26am] the meme son:** nah its nothing like that, it’s just a really bad week  
  
**[8:26am] mama:** Alright, I will text your dad to bring you something good.  
  
**[8:27am] the meme son:** TE AMO MAMA  
  
**[8:27am] mama:** Yeah, yeah. Just eat something healthy and make sure Matt does too.  
  
**[8:27am] the meme son:** he’s 25  
  
**[8:27am] mama:** So is your brother Luiz and last week he stuck his hand in the vending machine.  
  
**[8:28am] the meme son:** matt did that two days ago  
  
**[8:28am] mama:** Oh God, Lance don’t grow up.  
  
**[8:28am] the meme son:** im trying my best  


* * *

**SPACE CADETS™**

**[2:43pm] (bi)tter:** okay enough with the side group chats  
  
**[2:43pm] (bi)tter:** i know for sure you guys have one for klance too because hunk showed me  
  
**[2:44pm] annoyance:** hunk you suck  
  
**[2:44pm] baymax:** He knows my password, I’m sorry.  
  
**[2:44pm] (bi)tter:** its just,,, we’re all friends and we shouldn’t have secrets so let’s just talk about everything here, yeah?  
  
**[2:45pm] edgelord™:** ok, lance i don’t think you look that good in blue  
  
**[2:45pm] (bi)tter:** BITCH I LOOK AMAZING IN BLUE IT BRINGS OUT MY EYES  
  
**[2:46pm] annoyance:** lmao still wanna talk about everything here?  
  
**[2:46pm] lesbean:** it’s stressing me out when i don’t know things about you because i don’t know if i can help tbh  
  
**[2:46pm] (bi)tter:** and that’s my point!!  
  
**[2:46pm] (bi)tter:** i mean, we’re best friends first and foremost, right? everything else comes second, that’s what we always said  
  
**[2:47pm] baymax:** That no matter what, we’ll always be friends.  
  
**[2:47pm] lesbean:** more like a family  
  
**[2:47pm] annoyance:** a very dysfunctional family  
  
**[2:48pm] (bi)tter:** with one cuban bisexual son, gay half-korean son, lesbian french daughter, hawaiian pansexual son, two white kids from which one is gay and the other is non-binary, a gay japanese dad and a weird redheaded uncle from ireland  
  
**[2:48pm] edgelord™:** i mean, it’s more than i ever thought i’d have so im pretty okay with that  
  
**[2:48pm] (bi)tter:** keith (asthmatic wheeze) (lightsabers noises in the distance) (another asthmatic wheeze) im your father (asthmatic choking)  
  
**[2:48pm] edgelord™:** (dramatic close up) (gay gasp) noOoOooOOOOooOoOoooo  
  
**[2:49pm] annoyance:** way to ruin a moment, just get married already  
  
**[2:49pm] lesbean:** ICANT BELIEVE TJIS  
  
**[2:49pm] the worse holt:** A POWER COUPLE  
  
**[2:49pm] lesbean:** matt what a snake  
  
**[2:50pm] edgelord™:** read 2:50 ✓  
  
**[2:50pm] (bi)tter:** read 2:50 ✓  
  
**[2:50pm] the worse holt:** read 2:50 ✓  
  
**[2:51pm] lesbean:** um,, lesbophobic much?¿

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you guys still like the story? i've been re-reading it lately and i was just wondering if it isn't too long or too boring or something? i don't know, i just got anxious and i thought i'd ask  
> i love u aliens!!


	23. strippers for hiring™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[11:47pm] annoyance:** keith did you have a boner
> 
> **[11:49pm] edgelord™:** will i get more money if i did
> 
> (or, lance is the mature one for once. at least for a little while)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello aliens!!  
> thank u for the kind comments under last chapter, you're the best  
> also just a reminder before the chapter: they all live in california!
> 
> (bi)tter/lancelot - lance  
> edgelord™ - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance/pidgeon - pidge  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt - matt

**GUMBALL WATTERSON, NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR MY PRESIDENT™**

**[2:12pm] annoyance:** okay fuckers, who let lance rewatch gumball for like 100th time  
  
 **[2:12pm] edgelord™:** eh im a weak man  
  
 **[2:13pm] annoyance:** hhh you’re gay, lance is pretty, im obliged to forgive you  
  
 **[2:13pm] (bi)tter:** pidge calling me pretty, what a nice thing to wake up to  
  
 **[2:14pm] annoyance:** it’s 2pm  
  
 **[2:14pm] (bi)tter:** but its also a saturday and i don’t have work until 4  
  
 **[2:14pm] edgelord™:** okay first of all i didn’t let him watch it because he’s pretty what the hell  
  
 **[2:15pm] edgelord™:** second of all i don’t use my sexuality for anything, especially to get out of trouble  
  
 **[2:15pm] baymax:** Yesterday you pushed some younger cadet out of the way and said “move, I’m gay”.  
  
 **[2:16pm] (bi)tter:** EXPOSED  
  
 **[2:16pm] annoyance:** i see you’re all ignoring the fact that keith basically said lance is pretty but i will fight for this ship

**[2:16pm] edgelord™:** but lance already knows i think he is pretty so what’s the point

**[2:17pm] (bi)tter:** ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR AHH  
  
 **[2:17pm] edgelord™:** also pidge you need to stop shipping your friends together, it’s creepy  
  
 **[2:17pm] annoyance:** meet me in the pit  
  
 **[2:18pm] lesbean:** HELLO MY FAVE HUMAN BEINGS  
  
 **[2:18pm] (bi)tter:** HELLO QUEEN

**[2:18pm] baymax:** Hi, Allura!  
  
 **[2:18pm] annoyance:** how can you sleep so long  
  
 **[2:19pm] edgelord™:** it’s called quick hibernation  
  
 **[2:19pm] lesbean:** fuck off, someone tell me how’s The Situation?  
  
 **[2:19pm] annoyance:** it’s been almost a week and everything is still the same  
  
 **[2:19pm] baymax:** Did they at least talk?  
  
 **[2:20pm] the worse holt:** Smooth™  
  
 **[2:20pm] lesbean:** oh, now you’re talking to us? smh  
  
 **[2:21pm] the worse holt:** love me

**[2:22pm] (bi)tter:** <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3  
  
 **[2:22pm] the worse holt:** see, allura? not that hard  
  
 **[2:22pm] lesbean:** because lance is too good too pure, a Cinnamon Roll  
  
 **[2:23pm] annoyance:** has anyone noticed that somehow we’re always going back to complimenting lance?  
  
 **[2:23pm] (bi)tter:** i’ve noticed and i enjoy the outcome every single time  
  
 **[2:24pm] annoyance:** shockedt™  
  
 **[2:25pm] (bi)tter:** i feel like i should be somehow offended but im still half asleep so get lost  
  
 **[2:25pm] lesbean:** keith are you working today too  
  
 **[2:25pm] edgelord™:** ya, shift with lance because apparently i’ve done something terrible in my previous life to deserve this  
  
 **[2:26pm] (bi)tter:** HEAVY METAL BROKE MY HEART  
  
 **[2:26pm] annoyance:** and you’re saying keith is the emo one  
  
 **[2:26pm] lesbean:** im gonna pick you both up after your work because i want to party and you’re coming with me  
  
 **[2:26pm] the worse holt:** hhhhhhhhh i wanna go too  
  
 **[2:27pm] lesbean:** are you going to mope when you’re drunk?  
  
 **[2:27pm] annoyance:** he doesn’t need alcohol for that, he’s a Whiny Bitch  
  
 **[2:27pm] the worse holt:** FITE ME GREMLIN  
  
 **[2:27pm] edgelord™:** ok but i gotta stop by shiro’s to see if he’s not rotting in filth  
  
 **[2:28pm] baymax:** Isn’t that Shiro’s line about you?  
  
 **[2:28pm] edgelord™:** ahhhhhh it’s so nice to be an adult for once  
  
 **[2:28pm] (bi)tter:** go pay taxes hoe  
  
 **[2:28pm] edgelord™:** fuck off, avril lavinge  
  
 **[2:28pm] (bi)tter:** you fuck off, bullet for my valentine  
  
 **[2:29pm] annoyance:** avril lavinge really made it seem like skaters were oppressed tho  
  
 **[2:29pm] (bi)tter:** “seem”?  
  
 **[2:29pm] lesbean:** “made”?  
  
 **[2:29pm] the worse holt:** “were”?  
  
 **[2:29pm] baymax:** “oppressed”?  
  
 **[2:29pm] edgelord™:** “avril lavinge”?  
  
 **[2:30pm] annoyance:** ……  
  
 **[2:30pm] edgelord™:** sorry, it was the only thing left  
  
 **[2:30pm] (bi)tter:** well, it is a clone so  
  
 **[2:31pm] baymax:** Not that again, Lance. The clone theories exhaust me.  
  
 **[2:31pm] edgelord™:** the government wants you to feel that way  
  
 **[2:31pm] lesbean:** you guys are so annoying i need better friends  
  
 **[2:31pm] edgelord™:** oh so suddenly we’re not good enough to party with you?  
  
 **[2:32pm] baymax:** Lance, you’ve had a concussion just a week ago, is this really a good idea?  
  
 **[2:32pm] (bi)tter:** im not gonna drink if matt’s drinking because he lives with me now so someone’s gotta get him home later  
  
 **[2:33pm] annoyance:** matt you bitch what about your apartment  
  
 **[2:33pm] lesbean:** “it smells like shiro”  
  
 **[2:33pm] edgelord™:** “too much memories”  
  
 **[2:34pm] the worse holt:** have you always been this rude or am i finally growing up  
  
 **[2:34pm] annoyance:** lmao have you met lance  
  
 **[2:35pm] (bi)tter:** bitch im in a mood to fight  
  
 **[2:35pm] annoyance:** i’ll stop by the cafe later, square up  
  
 **[2:35pm] the worse holt:** i need to stop by the labs for a while so you can just pick me up from there in the evening?  
  
 **[2:36pm] edgelord™:** will u give us a tour of nasa bc shiro always said no  
  
 **[2:36pm] the worse holt:** ya i’ll see what i can do  
  
 **[2:36pm] edgelord™:** well now even i am team matt  
  
 **[2:37pm] baymax:** But look at you, Matt! You’re going to work! I’m so proud!  
  
 **[2:38pm] (bi)tter:** omg yes!!! 

  
  
**[2:39pm] lesbean:** i take back what i said about new friends, you guys are too good  
  
 **[2:39pm] the worse holt:** im trying to get my shit together, its not like the end of a relationship is the end of my life, right?  
  
 **[2:40pm] lesbean:** of course not, you’re much more than your relationship  
  
 **[2:40pm] (bi)tter:** stop being dramatic, couples fight all the time

**[2:41pm] annoyance:** lance finally opened up about his relationship with keith, ahh  
  
 **[2:41pm] edgelord™:** you really want to fight huh

* * *

**LANCELOT > PIDGEON**

**[3:02pm] lancelot:** how are you feeling?  
  
 **[3:03pm] pidgeon:** like shit tbh  
  
 **[3:03pm] pidgeon:** but hunk said he’s gonna come later to work on our project from robotics so it’s gonna be fine  
  
 **[3:04pm] lancelot:** you know matt and shiro are going to be okay, right? you need to take care of yourself first, your mental health is more important  
  
 **[3:04pm] pidgeon:** it’s just stressing me out and i don’t know why and my anxiety is acting up  
  
 **[3:04pm] lancelot:** pidge, your dad’s been missing for two months a few years ago, you’re afraid of losing people and so because it looks like you might lose shiro, you’re scared  
  
 **[3:05pm] lancelot:** also it would make matt feel awful and you don’t want that  
  
 **[3:05pm] pidgeon:** i don’t need therapy when i have you, woah  
  
 **[3:05pm] pidgeon:** i just want everything to be normal again  
  
 **[3:06pm] lancelot:** it will be, i promise

* * *

**_lance_ created a group chat**   
**_lance_ added _shirogane_ and _holt_**

**[3:08pm] lance:** alright, listen up  
  
 **[3:08pm] lance:** im sorry if it sounds insensitive but i need you both to get your shit together  
  
 **[3:09pm] lance:** im saying this only because it affects pidge and that’s really the last thing they need, and you two act really immature. i get it, honestly, but do you really want to break up over your work? it’s nasa! alright, so shiro got an offer to work in delaware, so what? it’s not another planet  
  
 **[3:09pm] lance:** im sure matt would get a job there too if he asked, you can go together or you can both stay or shiro can go and you’ll make it long distance  
  
 **[3:09pm] lance:** all im saying is that there are options, options that don’t end in you two breaking up and never talking to each other again so just try  
  
 **[3:10pm] lance:** and shiro, maybe you should also think about talking to keith about it  
  
 **[3:10pm] lance:** if you hurt pidge, keith or each other more than it’s needed, im gonna shove hockey sticks up your butts  
  
 **[3:11pm] lance:** glad we had the talk, love u!!!

* * *

**STRIPPERS FOR HIRING™**

  
**[11:28pm] edgelord™:** lance “im not gonna drink” mcclain _[video attached, 07:41]_  
  
 **[11:29pm] baymax:** Is that Lance…  
  
 **[11:29pm] edgelord™:** yes  
  
 **[11:30pm] baymax:** Dancing on a pole?  
  
 **[11:31pm] edgelord™:** hell yes  
  
 **[11:31pm] annoyance:** MORE IMPORTANT IS THAT ALLURA THROWING MONEY AT HIM  
  
 **[11:32pm] edgelord™:** and that’s not even the best part  
  
 **[11:32pm] edgelord™:** matt didn’t have any money so he just kept throwing tissues with compliments on them at lance  
  
 **[11:32pm] annoyance:** and what are you throwing at lance?  
  
 **[11:33pm] edgelord™:** glitter, obviously  
  
 **[11:33pm] baymax:** Go dance with him, you dumbass.  
  
 **[11:34pm] edgelord™:** im just tryna make sure he doesn’t fall from up there  
  
 **[11:34pm] baymax:** Twenty bucks says you won’t dance with him.  
  
 **[11:34pm] annoyance:** fifty  
  
 **[11:34pm] edgelord™:** OH YOU’RE ON  
  
 **[11:37pm] baymax:** We’re awful.  
  
 **[11:37pm] annoyance:** totally  
  
 **[11:40pm] edgelord™:** im waiting for my fuckin money _[video attached, 05:12]_  
  
 **[11:47pm] baymax:** OH MY GOD I’M READY FOR DEATH TO TAKE ME NOW  
  
 **[11:47pm] annoyance:** keith did you have a boner  
  
 **[11:49pm] edgelord™:** will i get more money if i did  
  
 **[11:49pm] annoyance:** YOU DAMN SLUT WHERE IS LANCE TO COLLECT  
  
 **[11:49pm] edgelord™:** uhhh he’s talking about body shots with allura, this is getting scary  
  
 **[11:50pm] baymax:** Can you make sure they’re all getting home safe or do you want me to pick you up?  
  
 **[11:51pm] edgelord™:** no, its fine, coran said he’ll come for us later  
  
 **[11:51pm] annoyance:** that’s good, don’t do anything i wouldn’t do  
  
 **[11:52pm] edgelord™:** that’s a very long list  
  
 **[11:53pm] annoyance:** don’t be silly wrap your willie  
  
 **[11:54pm] edgelord™:** GOODNIGHT TO EVERYONE EXCEPT PIDGE  
  
 **[11:54pm] baymax:** I WHEEZED  
  
 **[11:54pm] annoyance:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love gumball so much :')  
> also just one thing: in the last chapter there was a part about where the characters are from in this fanfic, right? so i just wanted to say that it's only my headcanon for most of the part! i mean, we know their heritage now but in the beginning of the show i think it was only said that shiro is japanese? i've started this fic before we knew lance is cuban, hunk is samoan and stuff like that so i just used my headcanons for them and now i kept it as it was (though i've changed lance when i found out). ehh its kind of hard to explain and i know im messy but what i mean is that i absolutely didn't want to erase anything!! i didn't base their heritage on where their VAs are from and i didn't intentionally change anything to fit my idea of them or something like that, i would never erase their nationality if i knew it from the beginning. i just didn't want to change it in half of the story so i left it the way it was. i'm sorry if it offended anyone, that wasn't my intetion  
> i think that's all, see you next week!


	24. coconut headasses™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[10:12am] (bi)tter:** DON’T BE A FOOL WRAP YOUR TOOL
> 
> **[10:13am] annoyance:** how could i not think about that i hate myself
> 
> (or, "can they all finally get their shit together" is a million dollar question)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi aliens  
> chapter a little later than usually because ao3 was being biphobic and wouldn't let me log in
> 
> (bi)tter/bilance/beyoncé - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance - pidge  
> lesbean/halsey - allura  
> the worse holt/matt - matt  
> takashit - shiro

**MATT > TAKASHIT**

**[2:41am] matt:** yu think your so important yeah. ?  
  
 **[2:42am] matt:** that you xan just take thedamn job in cHicago and go  
  
 **[2:43am] matt:** then go, who cares me i dont and im going to find someone bettrr who wont leave me for a job you piecs of shit  
  
 **[2:45am] matt:** no wait i m sorry  
  
 **[2:47am] matt:** you love your job its important and if yuo want to go tben go i love you  
  
 **[2:48am] matt:** i wantrd to marry you  
  
 **[2:49am] matt:** you coconut headass

**[2:54am] matt:** hi shiro, it’s keith and matt is so wasted so just don’t listen to him  
  
 **[2:54am] matt:** i’ve tried to take his phone away earlier but he locked himself in lance’s bathroom  
  
 **[2:55am] matt:** also i can’t believe that the only message matt got right was the coconut headass one smh

* * *

**COCONUT HEADASSES™**

**[10:12am] (bi)tter:** DON’T BE A FOOL WRAP YOUR TOOL  
  
 **[10:13am] annoyance:** how could i not think about that i hate myself  
  
 **[10:13am] lesbean:** oh boy did the last night really happen

**[10:14am] baymax:** We have evidence. _[video attached, 05:12]_

**[10:16am] the worse holt:** OH MY GOD HOW COULD I NOT REMEMBER THIS ICONIC MOMENT  
  
 **[10:16am] the worse holt:** THIS SHIP DONE SAILING SEVEN SEAS

**[10:16am] lesbean:** things klance did: THAT!  
  
 **[10:17am] (bi)tter:** keith was that a lightsaber in your pocket or were you just happy to see me  
  
 **[10:18am] edgelord™:** go die in a fire

**[10:18am] the worse holt:** keith is under lance’s bed lmao  
  
 **[10:18am] annoyance:** why under and not in  
  
 **[10:19am] edgelord™:** been there done that

**[10:19am] lesbean:** IM YODELING IN FRENCH  
  
 **[10:20am] lesbean:** also coran said he found a wallet in his car today, who lost it?

**[10:21am] (bi)tter:** if it’s empty then mine  
  
 **[10:21am] edgelord™:** might be mine too  
  
 **[10:22am] the worse holt:** the possibility that it’s mine is out there  
  
 **[10:24am] lesbean:** see this, pidge? that’s what happens when you go to a party with men  
  
 **[10:24am] annoyance:** ahh suddenly i love social anxiety

* * *

**KOGAYNE > BILANCE**

**[1:40pm] kogayne:** lance, you knew that shiro got a job offer in chicago?  
  
 **[1:42pm] bilance:** please tell me that shiro told you this himself  
  
 **[1:42pm] kogayne:** of course he didn’t tell me, you piece of shit, i had to find out from matt’s drunken messages  
  
 **[1:42pm] bilance:** woah, why are you mad at me? nasa didn’t offer me a job in chicago

**[1:43pm] kogayne:** but you knew about it from the start and you didn’t think it would be okay to tell me? you know, since im supposedly your friend?  
  
 **[1:43pm] bilance:** now hold the fuck up

**[1:44pm] kogayne:** i didn’t want to talk about this at your place because matt was there but you know what? im sick of acting like i don’t have feelings, i’ve been invalidated because of that almost my whole life and even now im treated like shit because obviously if even my parents didn’t want me then there must be something seriously wrong with me  
  
 **[1:44pm] bilance:** keith, no one thinks there’s anything wrong with you because of that. you were a small child, it’s not your fault  
  
 **[1:44pm] kogayne:** but there is something wrong with me, lance, for fucks sake  
  
 **[1:45pm] kogayne:** i will never feel anywhere at home and if even shiro doesn’t think he can talk to me about everything then it’s just great, really  
  
 **[1:45pm] bilance:** shiro didn’t tell you because he wasn’t sure if he’ll even take the job and he didn’t want to stress you out, i didn’t tell you because it was not my place to talk about it. if you’d ask shiro to stay, he would

**[1:46pm] bilance:** i know it’s hard for you but if you’d just try to stop blaming yourself for the fact that your parents left, you’d see that you do have a family because it’s not always blood. it’s the people you choose to be with and the people who accept you. you have that, keith

**[1:46pm] bilance:** sorry for being a disappointing friend

* * *

**EDGELORD™ > BAYMAX**

**[1:48pm] edgelord™:** can you check up on lance today?  
  
 **[1:48pm] baymax:** Of course I can. But why? Did something happen?  
  
 **[1:48pm] edgelord™:** nah, im just a dickhead

**[1:48pm] baymax:** What did you do?

**[1:49pm] edgelord™:** i made him feel like shit only because i felt like shit and shiro was ignoring me so i took it out on lance like i always do  
  
 **[1:49pm] baymax:** Oh boy. Listen, Keith, have you ever thought that maybe the first person you always hurt with your words is Lance because hurting him also hurts you? He’s my best friend and he acts tough, but he’s really sensitive and he doesn’t deserve half of the shit he gets for being himself. I love you, you know I do, but I really need you to find a better way for dealing with your emotions. Next time just try talking to him, okay? No insults, no screaming. Talk quietly and Lance will listen, he’s good at that.

**[1:50pm] baymax:** I’ll check on him later but please, you also take care of yourself. I know things aren’t great right now but everything will eventually get better. It’s just life.  
  
 **[1:51pm] edgelord™:** lance is right

**[1:51pm] edgelord™:** we definitely don’t deserve you

* * *

**COCONUT HEADASSES™**

**[3:01pm] (bi)tter:** rate him from 1 to 10 _[img-11457.jpg attached]_  
  
 **[3:01pm] lesbean:** 9 because he ain’t a girl  
  
 **[3:02pm] baymax:** Is that Connor from robotics? Also 10, I’m weak for green eyes.  
  
 **[3:02pm] annoyance:** 4  
  
 **[3:03pm] (bi)tter:** pidge you savage he’s 9.5 on his bad days  
  
 **[3:03pm] (bi)tter:** also yes that’s connor from robotics, he’s a year older and very gay and very pretty and he asked me out today

**[3:04pm] lesbean:** smh well now imma give him an 8 even tho his taste is good

**[3:04pm] baymax:** OH GOD THE HOT CONNOR ASKED YOU OUT  
  
 **[3:05pm] (bi)tter:** i turned him down and my instagram aesthetic is crying because he would look very good there  
  
 **[3:05pm] annoyance:** lmao your thirsty ass turned a calvin klein model down, it must be very hot in antarctica today  
  
 **[3:05pm] lesbean:** even i gay gasped, why did you say no  
  
 **[3:06pm] (bi)tter:** well because apparently im a dumb bitch now and i refuse to do anything that’s good for me  
  
 **[3:06pm] edgelord™:** and you think that connor guy is good?  
  
 **[3:06pm] annoyance:** shots fired  
  
 **[3:07pm] (bi)tter:** yes, connor is good because he’s a very sweet person, he likes helping others and he doesn’t call me a piece of shit whenever i, god forbid, breathe too loud so you can go fuck yourself with a cactus

**_edgelord™_ left.**

**[3:08pm] annoyance:** AND THE MAN IS DEAD  
  
 **[3:08pm] baymax:** PIDGE WILL YOU SHUT UP  
  
 **[3:08pm] lesbean:** IT’S TITANIC ALL OVER AGAIN  
  


* * *

**HALSEY > BEYONCÉ**

**[3:11pm] halsey:** what’s with you and keith? don’t we have enough drama with matt and shiro? honestly, only me and hunk aren’t problematic with our girls  
  
 **[3:13pm] beyoncé:** im done with being treated like shit when all im trying to do is help, i know that keith has been through a lot of shit in his life but its not like i was born rich, beautiful and in a very loving family and my life is perfect  
  
 **[3:14pm] beyoncé:** newsflash, mental health is a bitch!!!! and listening about how sick i am for liking boys and that i have bad influence on cat and nico, my favorite people in the world, and that im not welcomed at my uncle’s house for christmas because of that doesn’t make me feel any better so honestly keith can suck my dick for all i care  
  
 **[3:15pm] halsey:** oh my god, lance, why didn’t you say anything? are things really that bad?  
  
 **[3:16pm] beyoncé:** it’s not like talking about it changes anything and there are more important things to worry about, im not trying to say that my problems are worse than keith’s and i know everything he says is justified but it’s just so hard to talk to him sometimes because i want to help and instead i fuck up  
  
 **[3:17pm] halsey:** you can’t just neglect your problems because “someone has it worse”, we all have something we don’t like to talk about but we’re best friends. maybe we can’t always help or make each other feel better, but we can always listen and sometimes it’s enough  
  
 **[3:18pm] halsey:** keith is your best friend too and i know you don’t want to lose him  
  
 **[3:18pm] beyoncé:** well, im blaming everything on the fact that coran didn’t tell us about bruce willis  
  
 **[3:19pm] halsey:** lAnce  
  
 **[3:19pm] beyoncé:** hhhhhhhhh okay, i told matt and shiro to get their shit together so i guess i should listen to my own advice  
  
 **[3:19pm] halsey:** that’s my boy  
  
 **[3:19pm] halsey:** also fuck your uncle and his biphobic ass, you’re a queen  
  
 **[3:20pm] beyoncé:** damn straight  
  
 **[3:20pm] halsey:** damn gay  
  
 **[3:20pm] beyoncé:** damn bi  
  
 **[3:20pm] halsey:** damn lesbian  
  
 **[3:21pm] beyoncé:** we’re so lame  
  
 **[3:21pm] halsey:** SO lame

* * *

**TAKASHIT > MATT**

**[5:52pm] takashit:** i would say yes, you know  
  
 **[5:53pm] takashit:** if you proposed  
  
 **[5:54pm] takashit:** though if anyone asks i would say i asked you and that you cried  
  
 **[5:56pm] matt:** YOU PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING ASSHOLE I HATE YOU SO MUCH ALMOST TWO WEEKS OF SILENCE AND NOW YOU WANT TO SPREAD BLATANT LIES EVEN THO EVERYONE KNOWS I WOULD NEVER CRY BECAUSE MY WHITE EMO GENES MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO FEEL EMOTIONS  
  
 **[5:57pm] takashit:** ……i take that back, i would never say yes goodbye

**[5:58pm] matt:** can you come over? we need to talk  
  
 **[5:59pm] takashit:** im already outside, just let me in  
  
 **[5:59pm] matt:** gasp witchcraft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love u all, thanks for all the comments!!!


	25. send us to space asap™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[11:54am] the worse holt:** you can be anything you want bb
> 
>  **[11:54am] (bi)tter:** your groom
> 
>  **[11:54am] RoboCop:** no
> 
> (or, the supportive squad attacks once again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello aliens!!  
> sorry for the delay but i've ran out of ready chapters for u, i've had them up to 24 and now im writing the next ones so im not sure how the updates are going to look but i'll try my best  
> to clear things up: keith and lance are not together gkjsgksjg
> 
> (bi)tter/bilance - lance  
> edgelord™/kogayne - keith  
> baymax - hunk  
> annoyance/the better sibling - pidge  
> lesbean - allura  
> the worse holt/the decent sibling - matt  
> robocop - shiro

**COCONUT HEADASSES™**

**[9:12am] annoyance:** lance really out there whoring himself on the internet for a telescope  
  
**[9:12am] annoyance:** what a legend  
  
**[9:13am] (bi)tter:** good morning to everyone except pidge  
  
**[9:13am] baymax:** WE’RE FLYING TODAY  
  
**[9:13am] (bi)tter:** ahh yes what a great day to DIE  
  
**[9:14am] lesbean:** wohoooo! that’s the spirit!  
  
**[9:14am] RoboCop:** wait what you mean whoring himself should i be worried  
  
**[9:15am] (bi)tter:** MY FATHER HAS COME BACK FROM WAR IT’S BEEN 80 YEARS

 **[9:15am] (bi)tter:** also if you’d just agree to be my sugar daddy i wouldn’t have to whore myself  
  
**[9:15am] lesbean:** what’s with the shaming smh  
  
**[9:16am] (bi)tter:** i mean, im just sending pics to guys and they’re paying up  
  
**[9:16am] annoyance:** N UDES  
  
**[9:16am] (bi)tter:** well go and expose me like that, thanks  
  
**[9:16am] RoboCop:** i’ve been gone for a week can yall calm down  
  
**[9:17am] RoboCop:** why is keith out again what did he do  
  
**[9:17am] lesbean:** see? our parents almost divorced and that’s what happens

 **[9:17am] the worse holt:** quite the opposite actually

 **[9:18am] baymax:** Wait, so you talked it out?  
  
**[9:18am] (bi)tter:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT BETTER NOT BE WHT I THINK IT IS BECAUSE I’LL NEVER FORGIVE THIS KINDA BETRAYAL  
  
**[9:18am] lesbean:** wtf you on about what is happening  
  
**[9:19am] the worse holt:** im so sorry it was so quick

**_(bi)tter_ added _edgelord™_**

**[9:20am] (bi)tter:** lemme put your dick behavior aside for a moment bc i won’t suffer alone  
  
**[9:20am] annoyance:** wait what’s going on imma cry  
  
**[9:21am] edgelord™:** WHT THE FUCK MATT I GAVE YOU A GREEN LIGHT ONLY IF YOU LET ME RECORD SHIRO CRYING THIS IS THE SECOND TIME MY FAMILY BETRAYED ME FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS  
  
**[9:21am] the worse holt:** but!!!! he did cry and i recorded it for you  
  
**[9:22am] RoboCop:** excuse me what now  
  
**[9:22am] edgelord™:** okay well i can eventually maybe consider forgiving you  
  
**[9:23am] annoyance:** CN ANYONE TEL ME WHATS GOING ON

 **[9:23am] (bi)tter:** THOSE FUCKIN ANGSTY SHITS GOT ENGAGED NEXT THING WE KNOW THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED IN VEGAS  
  
**[9:24am] (bi)tter:** BOO YOU WHORES  
  
**[9:24am] lesbean:** THet fuckIg ehat  
  
**[9:25am] baymax:** WHST THEH ELL  
  
**[9:25am] RoboCop:** lance did you really have to put it like that  
  
**[9:26am] the worse holt:** lance you piece of shit i wouldn’t get married without you there who would catch the flowers

 **[9:27am] annoyance:** the only thing lance will catch is chlamydia how the fuck could you not tell me i fucking hate you  
  
**[9:27am] lesbean:** THEF FOING WHT

 **[9:27am] edgelord™:** and you went and broke allura, hope you’re proud of yourselves

 **[9:28am] baymax:** I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING

* * *

**THE GOLDEN DUO™**

**[9:30am] the decent sibling:** are you mad  
  
**[9:30am] the better sibling:** i should be  
  
**[9:30am] the better sibling:** you didn’t tell me about the job and now this, i should be mad at you  
  
**[9:31am] the decent sibling:** but?

 **[9:31am] the better sibling:** but im just so glad that you’re happy and that things are going back to normal because i was so scared for a while and lance made me realize that it was because of dad like i know it’s stupid but shit im really happy for you now you fucking nerd  
  
**[9:32am] the decent sibling:** shit pidge im so sorry, i didn’t even think how it would affect you what with the whole dad thing, im such an asshole  
  
**[9:32am] the better sibling:** it’s not like it’s your fault, i mean yes you’re an idiot but you know  
  
**[9:33am] the decent sibling:** still, im so so sorry and i promise that whatever happens between me and shiro it will never affect us, i will always be there for you because you’re the most important to me, you’re my little sibling and i love you so much  
  
**[9:33am] the better sibling:** i love you too  
  
**[9:34am] the better sibling:** but if you ever tell anyone about this conversation i will punch you in the boob  
  
**[9:34am] the decent sibling:** damn so harsh

* * *

  **SEND US TO SPACE ASAP™**

 **[11:52am] lesbean:** ok it’s been like 3 hours and i still can’t believe  
  
**[11:52am] baymax:** I mean, we all knew it will happen sooner or later but damn, guys. Warn a dude first, I almost died.

 **[11:52am] the worse holt:** yeah well we still need to figure out the work situation

 **[11:53am] RoboCop:** and we will, i still have a week left to decide, it will be alright  
  
**[11:53am] (bi)tter:** AND WHAT DID I TELL YOU STUPID SHITS

 **[11:53am] annoyance:** lance calm the fuck down or you ain’t gonna be the maid of honor

 **[11:54am] (bi)tter:** i cN BE THE MAID OF HONOR WHT

 **[11:54am] the worse holt:** you can be anything you want bb

 **[11:54am] (bi)tter:** your groom

 **[11:54am] RoboCop:** no

 **[11:55am] lesbean:** what about me tho  
  
**[11:55am] RoboCop:** well of course you’re the maid of honor  
  
**[11:55am] lesbean:** AHHHHHH

 **[11:56am] edgelord™:** guys, since it’s a day of big news and we’re flying today which means we can die, can i just say something real quick?

 **[11:56am] baymax:** First of all, shut up because we’re not going to die. But sure, what you wanna say?  
  
**[11:56am] edgelord™:** ive been thinking about this a lot recently and im pretty sure that im a demisexual gay and i just,,, i dont know, i wanted to tell you all

 **[11:57am] (bi)tter:** I KNOW I’M SUPPOSED TO BE MAD BUT IM SO PROUD

 **[11:57am] RoboCop:** im glad you’re figuring things out, keith, as long as you’re comfortable and happy, i will support you!!

 **[11:57am] lesbean:** YES YOU GO KEITH MY PRECIOUS SON

 **[11:57am baymax:** Oh, man. Good for you! I know it’s hard to figure all that stuff out and to come out later even when you’re sure people will accept you, so I’m also very proud of you!

 **[11:58am] (bi)tter:** !!!!!!

 **[11:58am] annoyance:** keith kogane, king of coming out  
  
**[11:58am] the worse holt:** WTH KEITH I’M SO PROUD AND YOU’RE DOING AMAZING  
  
**[11:59am] edgelord™:** i know it can be annoying like im changing my mind or something all the time but thank you all so much bc it means a lot

 **[11:59am] annoyance:** it’s not annoying, no one expects us to know who we are right away

 **[11:59am] lesbean:** don’t think like that, your concerns and doubts regarding your sexuality are always valid and you can always talk to us about it

 **[11:59am] RoboCop:** keith the fact that you’re talking to us about such important thing is so great and it’s a huge progress for you so don’t ever feel like you’re annoying, you have every right to do so and we’re here to listen  
  
**[12:00pm] (bi)tter:** ya being annoying is my job i branded it so fuck off keith

 **[12:00pm] baymax:** LANCE BE SUPPORTIVE

 **[12:01pm] (bi)tter:** wtf i am, i would be supportive even if one of u would say you want to bang big foot all im saying is that keith is never annoying especially when he talks about important things such as his sexuality  
  
**[12:01pm] the worse holt:** i love me some boyfriends  
  
**[12:02pm] lesbean:** that was so soft

* * *

**KOGAYNE > BILANCE**

**[12:11pm] kogayne:** im really sorry, you know? i was just scared that shiro will leave and i took it out on you which is not an excuse so  
  
**[12:11pm] kogayne:** im sorry and ive bought two tickets to the theater because they’re playing phantom of the opera next week and i know you like it so if you want we can go together  
  
**[12:12pm] kogayne:** or you can go with hunk  
  
**[12:12pm] kogayne:** or just anyone, really, even this connor guy  
  
**[12:13pm] bilance:** would you like to go with me? you don’t like musicals

 **[12:13pm] kogayne:** well yes but it would be with you so it would be fun anyway  
  
**[12:14pm] bilance:** shit you keep saying things like that and you don’t even know what you’re doing

 **[12:14pm] kogayne:** is that bad?

 **[12:14pm] bilance:** never mind, it’s just really hard to be mad at you

 **[12:15pm] bilance:** i want to go with you if that’s okay

 **[12:15pm] kogayne:** yeah it’s great

 **[12:16pm] kogayne:** i mean, it will be great

 **[12:17pm] kogayne:** hhhh i gotta go be gay somewhere else

 **[12:17pm] bilance:** KEITH DJXNXOANSVDI

 **[12:17pm] bilance:** but we’re flying in fifteen minutes so get your ass over here

 **[12:18pm] kogayne:** okay well now who’s being gay

 **[12:18pm] bilance:** read 12:18 ✓

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for the kudos and comments, as always  
> love u all


End file.
